Midnight Brain

When you wake up at 2 AM with an idea, it becomes somehow magnified and distorted like a face reflected in a funhouse mirror.

If are roused from sleep anxious about a business meeting, it's as if that meeting alone will make or break your entire career. If you are thinking about SIDS, you're all but convinced that your baby is turning blue while you lie there and talk yourself out of checking on him. And if your eyes fly open with an idea for blog post? You will determine that it's so brilliant, the Nobel Prize committee will convene for a special session in Stockholm just to create a new category in your honor.

It also goes without saying that any minor medical complaint you may have in the wee hours of the night takes on a life of its own. Thus, I forgive Nate for springing awake at 12:45 with a rash and shouting, “We have bedbugs!”

I forgive you for jumping to this conclusion even after I assured you that it was an allergic reaction of some sort and you should just take a Benadryl and get back to bed.

I forgive you for racing to the computer anyway to look up bedbugs on the internet, being that I have the same unhealthy relationship with WebMD.

I forgive you for searching out whatever information would confirm your bedbug theory despite all evidence to the contrary. (This, to me, is one of the most fascinating aspects of the internet: whatever you think is true, be it bedbugs or Roswell or the notion that Kurt Kobain is alive and well and living as Elvis Presley's houseboy, you can always find a source to back it up.)

I forgive you for insisting that it was definitely bedbugs (or maybe fleas), never mind that your rash looked nothing like bedbug (or maybe flea) bites, never mind that it all started around noon when you were nowhere near a mattress (or a dog with fleas).

I forgive you for somehow believing that bedbugs could live only on your side of the bed, bound by some sort of bedbug code of honor that prohibits them from sucking the blood of new moms and their progeny.

I forgive you for snatching the baby from the bed, depositing her on the changing table, and unsnapping her pajamas, determined to prove that it was indeed bedbug (or maybe flea) bites making her cry and not the fact that she has a cold. Or that she's teething. Or that it was two in the freaking morning.

I forgive you for muttering obscenities under your breath about me and bedbugs and fleas and me while you headed back to bed.

I forgive you.

Because I know that this is what Midnight Brain does to you. And because frankly, I'm just too tired to fight about it today.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, poor you. All of you. Yeah, Midnight Brain makes for some very tough morning-afters.

I sincerely hope Nate's not burning bedclothes or any such thing this morning.

3/5/06, 10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heh :) I am the midnight bitch lurker - it's when I get pissed about every single little thing or even things I didn't know I was pissed about - so, in a way, I can empathize with you.

Now get some sleep!

3/5/06, 10:08 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

What is it about nighttime that whips the slightest worry into full-tilt obsession?

On the plus side, it must be comforting to know that you do not, in fact, have a bedbug infestation!

(Just found your blog -- I love it!)

3/5/06, 10:12 AM  
Blogger Bethany Hiitola said...

I'm not the only one who wakes in the wee hours of the morning sans my sanity? Good, good. I was beginning to wonder....

3/5/06, 10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehe been there! great description!

3/5/06, 11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha!! Isn't this where the old hubby-sleeping-on-the-couch thing comes into play?

My 2am, wide-eyed, can't sleep topic is always bills. If I wake up with any thought of when something is due or what might be past due, I can't go back to sleep for hours. Yuck!

3/5/06, 1:28 PM  
Blogger jess said...

mr. nice guy describes it as turtles on pcp: that sort of long term sleep-dep that makes us just crazy enough to curse and fling our husband's watch at the wall and break it at 12:47 a.m. after its alarm had been going off at that time every single night for two weeks. can you tell i've been there?

3/5/06, 3:34 PM  
Blogger Deek Deekster said...

he he he... you crazy hip blog mama... i like your blog :) but i really don't like mom blogs... except this one, i like.. i like how you've confused me. i feel we should do the link swap thang... now i need a rusk... and maybe some milk...

3/5/06, 5:58 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

We made Emily wait the other night as she was rolling around to turn on the computer and type her symptoms into Web MD - to assure ourselves that her symptoms did not sound like appendicitis.

That's parenting in the 21st century. "Wait Honey - let's see what Web MD has to say about the blood pouring from your eyes..."

And don't go to New York. I was Sure I had Bedbugs for WEEKS after my last visit. Mean International ones too.

3/5/06, 8:09 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Thanks for the advice, Dawn! Unfortunately, I can't really avoid New York since I live there. I have the driver's license and everything.

And you're right, we do pride ourselves on our diverse insect populace. It's a regular melting pot of critters, just as our forefathers intended.

3/5/06, 8:43 PM  
Blogger Andie D. said...

What I can't figure out is what we did before Web MD. Pure obsession until the doctor's office opened? That's simply UNACCEPTABLE now. No freaking way.

If I can't self diagnose (or diagnose my kids), then the malady simply isn't worth the time.

3/5/06, 9:52 PM  
Blogger IzzyMom said...

I can so relate! Once I'm asleep, don't wake me up or you'll find yourself face-to-face with some other woman that is not rational. And like Kristen, I'm a midnight bitch lurker, too.

3/5/06, 10:20 PM  
Blogger Mama Kelly said...

the bedbugs thing had me in stitches

3/6/06, 8:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm laughing because last year, i thought we had bed bugs. i had these little red spots all over my feet. i realized though, that several nights before i had sprayed cleaner onto the shower floor. i forgot to rinse it out (it's one of those lazy "scrub free" kind). took a shower the next morning and wa-la, little red dots. doesn't help that i had just found out i was pregnant and i laid awake for the next fews night worrying that i've probably just harmed my little fetus. :(

3/9/06, 6:28 PM  

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