I Have A Dream...

All I want is a spicy tuna roll. Just one little inside-out spicy tuna roll from Iron Chef House, doused in soy sauce with just a dab of wasabi. It's all I can think about. It's all I can daydream about.

Fortunately it's not all I can actually dream about; the most recent unconscious nightly sex romp was with none other than Jay Mohr. So Yvonne, if you're reading? Tell your buddy Jay he was awesome--maybe even better than Jon Stewart. Also thank him for bringing the red wine.

I insisted on ordering Japanese food for dinner tonight, perhaps to torture myself (or test myself?) since I know that Nate, that scallywag, that scamp, will order my taboo dish for his very own. The eight beautifully composed pieces taunt me from the take-out container, where they nestle cozily against my own pathetically unsatisfying vegetable rolls. They're already touching, I try justifying. They're already touching!

I fantasize about pilfering a single piece when Nate's not looking, distracting him by switching the channel from Aqua Teen Hunger Force to Wife Swap. While he rants and raves and makes a big show of snatching away the remote control, I will swoop in, downing one of his precious rolls in a single bite.

I know he's onto me. I know he's keeping count of his pieces, mentally subtracting one each time the chopsticks hit his mouth. The cretin. The bastard.

Today, I turned down chocolate cake. I ate a single Pepperidge Farm Cookie off a cookie tray at work (and Greg will back me up on the difficulty of that). Nate brought home a black and white milkshake for me the other day that is yet untouched and congealing at the bottom of our freezer drawer. I have yet to eat a single Pop Tart since the pee hit the stick that one fateful morning in August. But for some reason, the true forbidden fruit taunts this pregnant woman and her vulnerable immune system above all else.

Why, spicy tuna rolls? Why?



Blogger kevin black said...

This is overly belated but congratulations. I vote for no less than three Pepperidge Farm cookies next time. An wasabi puts hair on a kid's chest.

11/3/06, 10:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys use chopsticks?


11/3/06, 10:25 PM  
Blogger Mocha said...

Just during this pregnancy will I agree (yes. FINE. ok. Stop begging.) to move in with you and take on those tuna rolls and black & white milkshakes.

Congealed or not.

That goes for both the rolls and the milkshake.

11/3/06, 10:30 PM  
Blogger Girl con Queso said...

I've got three words for you...

Spicy Lobster Rolls.

They're cooked. They're legal. They're fantastic.

They're a pregnant women's Jay Mohr.

11/3/06, 10:37 PM  
Blogger MamaChristy said...

I'm so sorry that you are craving the forbidden this time around. I rarely craved sushi while I was pregnant - weird because I craved it constantly both before and afterwards - but when I did want it, I ate about a million of those wasabi peas. The crunchy ones you get at the grocery? Yum. "A happy present from the Earth" indeed.

11/3/06, 10:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, ok, I will have Spicy Tuna Roll in your honor and because we are separated by hundreds of miles and cyberspace it will not be nearly as painful as watching. Nate. eat. his. Promise. Oh, and by the way, I so get it.

11/3/06, 10:42 PM  
Blogger karengreeners said...

dam those spicy tunas! but, tempura rolls! you can do tempura rolls!

god, sushi was the one food that i seriously missed while pregnant, and one of the first things i ate postnatal.

i ate a corned beef sandwich in my third trimester, and thought i would be struck by lightening.

sweet dreams ;)

11/3/06, 10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I have the black and white milkshake?

11/3/06, 10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First time 'round I had the crazy sex dreams as well. My husband would actually joke with me in the morning, "so who was is last night? This time they are super scary dreams. Can you guess which I'd rather have?

Also, along the lines of torture - of all things the Pepperidge Farm Mint Milanos give me heartburn. The hell?

So. Not. Fair.

11/3/06, 11:01 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

We always want what we can't have. And what I want is that milkshake. Gimme, gimme, gimme...

11/3/06, 11:02 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

During each pregnancy I swore I wanted to be served with a Gin & Tonic and a double depth charge coffee in my hospital room. Damn breastfeeding got in the way.

Oh and Jay Mohr? Really? . . . Of course he is the guy who fired Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire so I guess he gets points for that.

11/3/06, 11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I'm the only woman in the world who does not like Sushi or tuna...so I'm afraid I can't help torture you. But this is a good thing, right?

11/3/06, 11:16 PM  
Blogger Stefania Pomponi Butler aka CityMama said...

Everyone has their one pg thing they won't do like color their hair or paint their toenails or eat soft cheeses or sushi...everyone except MOI that is.

I dunno, maybe it's the half-Asian in me (and the fact that I seek our health casre professionals that support my choices within reason) but I ate sashimi and sushi at least once a month when I was pg. My doc said that as long as the restaurant was reputable it was fine. Many sushi restaurants freeze the fish first anyway (that helps to cut down on harmful bacteria). Plus, look at the spinach sitch, you can get sick from a freakin' salad nowadays.

Not that I'm *trying* to be an instigator, but if we happened to go out for sushi, and I noticed that I had one less roll on my plate, I wouldn't say a thing.

BTW, my kids are both fine. So they have 11 toes. I can live with that...

PS when you get to LA you will flip the fuck out over the sushi. Lemme know when you are ready, and I will email you some of my fave spots.

11/3/06, 11:36 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

"since the pee hit the stick"
I missed honey. Oh, the honey. Honey on English muffins, honey on Australian Toaster Biscuits, honey on buttermilk biscuits...
Um, 'scuse me. Gotta go make some biscuits now...

11/4/06, 12:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear lady,

It is only out of sadness that we torment you so. We miss your patronage - no one loved us like you. We are hurt by your desertion to "healthier" foods, and it is making us lash out at you. Plus, we are afraid - afraid you will fall in love with the vegetable rolls and never return to us. The vegetable rolls cannot have you! We will taunt and tease and torture you daily to remind you of the wonder that is the Spicy Tuna Roll.

Counting the days until we can be together again...


11/4/06, 1:05 AM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Our friend had her family bring sushi to the hospital right after delivery so that it could be her first post-preggers meal. Mmmmmm.

11/4/06, 1:14 AM  
Blogger ms blue said...

Plain old vegetable rolls Borrr-ing, but Spicy vegetable rolls so wanna be that they're almost the real deal. Bring on the spicy.

I know that you have an excellent imagination because Jay Mohr told me that you do. *Wink*Nudge!

11/4/06, 2:02 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I craved raw tuna my entire pregnancy too. I caved in at the start of the eighth month. Only once. And everything was fine.

But maybe I shouldn't have told you that?

11/4/06, 3:51 AM  
Blogger mod*mom said...

zap the spicy tuna rolls in the microwave
to kill any potential worm eggs!
mmmmmmm cool them back off + pretend they're raw!

11/4/06, 6:13 AM  
Blogger mod*mom said...

can you please tell me how to delete "spam comments"?? i got my 1st today.

11/4/06, 6:14 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Girl CG: I think I love you. Now I just have to find a place that serves them.

Stefania: I'm generally of the bleu cheese eating/non-nuked turkey/hair dying school of pregnancy. But one horror story scared me off the sushi. Sigh. Still, thanks for giving me another reason to look forward to LA.

Mel: I hate to say this after the fact, but honey is okay for pregnant women. It's just a problem for babies.

STR: You have nothing to worry about, I assure you. I spit on the vegetable rolls. Ptooey. But I do appreciate the requited longing.

One day, my love...one day.

11/4/06, 7:54 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

A black and white milkshake congealing in the freezer? Set him free, set him free!!

11/4/06, 7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it incredibly wrong to ask them to cook the spicy tuna?

Don't hate me. I'm Chinese. What the hell do I know about sushi?


11/4/06, 8:33 AM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...

I think if you dip them in enough soy sauce an wasabi, it kills the worms.

Isn't that appetizing?

No...I feel for you. I broke down once at about 7 months and had "cooked" sushi. The chef made me some rolls with different kinds of smoked fish.

It was good, but I didn't have the tongue orgasm you get from the raw stuff.

11/4/06, 8:52 AM  
Blogger Kimba said...

I'm sooo with ya! I'm 6 months pregnant and I want sushi and wine desperately! (really, for me the whole reason to eat sushi is for the wasabi though)

11/4/06, 11:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, I love spicy tuna rolls. I can see why you miss them so.

11/4/06, 12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I so relate! Although I never do the tuna, I'm a weenie and only eat the cooked stuff. But I do put more than a dab of wasabi in the soy sauce, so maybe I compensate for my weeniness that way. While pg, I went ahead and indulged in eel ("rock and roll" - avocado, eel, that yummy sweet teriyaki sauce, drooling now) or crab rolls. I realize, technically the knife that cut my rolls might have touched some of the uncooked stuff, but I was selfish and threw caution to the wind. Of course, I didn't have to deal with the cat virus/bacteria thing you do, so I was a teeny bit less vulnerable.

Oh, I miss those dreams. So vivid, so very, very vivid. :-)

11/4/06, 12:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Nate could really share this pregnancy with you and not order the oh so tempting sushi you long to have. That might be a novel idea, huh? Sorry, Nate....I feel for the pregnant one!

11/4/06, 1:34 PM  
Blogger Pollyanna said...

I don't like sushi either so I can't share in your pain, sorry.

However, i AM addicted to Diet Pepsi. And a friend told me in my first pg that you shouldn't drink Diet Pepsi because of the artifical sweetner or something. I believed her. i swore off Diet Pepsi, it almost KILLED me. Killed me dead. About once a month I couldn't stand it any longer and would go buy ONE can and drink it while my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I murmered, "yes, oh yes!!!!" under my breath. During my 2nd pg I asked my Doc about it and he said Diet Pepsi was okay as long as you didn't drink more than 2 a day and didn't have coffee too. It's more the caffeine than anything. I about kissed him full on the lips for that one.

Anyhoo, just wanting to tell you that I understand your craving for the tuna, I really do.

Oh, and when I was pg choclate anything gave me horrible heartburn. What the hell?!?!?!? that's just wrong, wrong I tell you.

11/4/06, 2:05 PM  
Blogger Kelly Wolfe said...

I feel your pain. I looooove sushi and craved it all during my pregnancy too! Can you ask them to put spicy tuna roll sauce on a vegetarian california roll or cooked shrimp roll? a lame substitute, I know. ..but maybe the spicy tuna flavor, sans tuna would satisfy the urge??). I am baffled by your restraint on the milkshake/pop tart/ cake front. I can't resist any of that ever. wah!!! And I am not even pregnant with the excuse to eat for two.


11/4/06, 2:12 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I must be the pregnancy rebel this time - I say go for just one of them, if it is a reputable restaurant.

I've also already eaten several sandwiches with lunch meat, but no soft cheese yet, mostly because I haven't bought it yet.

The one big no-no I'm craving but resisting? A glass of wine. Oh, how I'd love one little glass of wine!

11/4/06, 2:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My kingdom for warm brie and a cold beer! That damn sushi. Once I stop vomitting daily, I'm sure I'll crave that again, too. Sigh.

11/4/06, 2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

personally, i'm spicy tuna handroll chiquita myself. they're they ice cream cone dessert to my sushi dinner and i never skip it. except, of course, when i was pregnant. since i had twins and was, therefore, already considered a "high-risk" pregnancy, i decided to just forego all the verboten crap until they were born. plus, the weekend before i found out i was pg (i was already pg, i just didn't know it), we had SPLURGED on a humongous sake-soaked sushi fest at Tomoe Sushi, our old haunt from when we lived in nyc. distended belly humongous. so i felt like i had had my limit without even knowing it.


i couldn't make it the whole pregnancy and i started having cooked sushi (smoked salmon, cali rolls, tempura rolls, lobster rolls, etc). then one day, talking to the chef at our favorite "sit at the bar and let the sushi chef design our meal" place and he said he'd make me a spicy california roll. the tuna texture was definitely missing, but the taste was pretty much what i was needing.

so, i'm with girl con queso (who i believe is my doppleganger anyway). get that spicy lobster or spicy california roll. it'll at least be a bridge to the end of the baby-carrying.

best of luck.

11/4/06, 2:50 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Mrs. Q: You do know that all the brie in your local shops is pasteurized, right? Brie away, dahlink. No regrets.

(Also, does this mean I'm allowed to know that you're pregnant now?)

11/4/06, 3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha! I'm emailing Jay RIGHT NOW. ;-)

11/4/06, 3:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to admit, when Kyle and I went out for dinner to celebrate our happy amnio results, I ate ahi tuna. And it was GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

11/4/06, 6:55 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Mmmm. I LOVE sushi. Especially spicey tuna rolls. I had no idea what we should eat tonight. Now I do! Thanks!

11/4/06, 7:22 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Ewwww. No spicy tuna rolls for me. EVERY. I do know a vegetarian who craved hot dogs AND ate them while she was pregnant. We laughed so hard at the thought. She went back to her veggie ways after those babies (yes, plural, 2 of them) were born.

11/4/06, 8:33 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

Okay, I am 99% vegetarian so I only eat the vegetable rolls anyway (btw, Spicy Tuna Rolls, you have nothing to fear from Avocado Roll or Cucumber Plum Roll, because I will not let Liz draw their permanent affections from me. Others may get a taste of their love, but they know in their hearts they are MINE).

But this is the thing I never understood about the whole "no sushi during pregnancy" rule. Don't Japanese pregnant women eat sushi while they are pregnant? Like, all of them? And don't their babies come out fine? I mean, I've not heard of any bizarre food poisoning epidemics happening among Japanese pregnant women . . .

I know, I know, I am not helping. Bad Jaelithe. I say go for those spicy lobster rolls.

11/4/06, 11:35 PM  
Blogger Andie D. said...

Well jeezus!

I'm not preggers, but now I WANT A SPICY TUNA ROLL! And I just had some less than a week ago!

Damn you and your fancy words making me all hungry and stuff.

My hub and I took our then 3 year old and his newborn sister (3 days) out to sushi right after I got home from the hospital. That's how bad I'd been craving it. I could've had it IN the hospital, but I wanted to wait until I could actually sit down at a table, make the mix of soy & wasabi juuuuust right, poor an Asahi, and savor.

Sorry, that probably didn't help, huh?

11/4/06, 11:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, I'm here to whiz on your parade even further: some believe you shouldn't even do the vegetable rolls, since they roll them on the same mats as the ones containing raw seafood. Only cooked food from Japanese places. Period.


11/5/06, 1:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was pregnant with my first I also craved Sushi. I decided to defy all the pregnancy gods and gorged on it until I was about 6 months preggies! The gods were kind and nothing bad or fishy happened - as far as I know anyway ;)

I love my Sushi. Nothing will keep me from my Sushi!

11/5/06, 7:50 AM  
Blogger Girl con Queso said...

Spicy Lobster Rolls in Soho...


Make sure they're cooked. They should be.

11/5/06, 11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of my girlfriends is an ex pat from Japan, and she told me Japanese women eat sushi all through their pregnancies with no limitations, and she did the same here stateside. So it's clearly like the wine while you're pregnant debate...you can one piece of advice here in the US, another overseas.

All I know is that those Japanese kids are SMART. Just sayin'.

11/5/06, 1:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I CAN EAT BRIE???!! You are joking? Who the heck am I listening to? I'm going to Whole Foods...

And yes, I think I'm about two weeks behind you. Tell me it gets better? But where the heck are MY boobs? I still have yet to fill back my 36As from last time. WTF?

Very excited for you all...

11/5/06, 3:17 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Because they are the best thing in the world and the worst thing for you right now. I feel your pain. I bought them ans smelled them the whole time i was pregnant, only to turn them over to my husband. In fact when I left the hospital with Nata at 14 hours old, that's what I went and had.

11/5/06, 3:48 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

fuckit! eat the rolls! lord knows i've eaten enough raw fish over the last nine months to warrant geisha status. my reasoning--japanese women = glowing image of health.

decent sushi restaurant = cleanest place on earth. MUCH more so than anything that could worm its way out of my kitchen.

that said, while i've been having sushi deluxe every friday for ages now, i do not blame you for being a tad cautious with everything you're dealing with. and i will no doubt be punished by a healthy dose of the shits before this one makes his appearance (oh, and yes--I am still in "slow/early labor." gah!)

howzabout a nice plump california roll with lots of 'sabi and ginger? (ok, now drooling....)

11/5/06, 4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had a very excellent friend who brought me a plate of tuna sashimi in the hospital after delivery. She is/was a God to me that day. Here's hoping you find similar friends.

11/6/06, 12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I feel your pain! I craved sushi and wine during my first pregnancy, and am going through the same w/this one (I think I'm close to you in weeks, and my first is 2 mos older than Thalia --let's hear it for being of "advanced maternal age" and popping them out as soon as possible!) I've already had a spider roll, all that deep frying has to kill all the bad bugs, right? I like all the suggestions of getting the spicy sauce on a CA roll, go for it!!

11/6/06, 1:58 PM  
Blogger me said...

I gave into the sushi craving (especially tuna) during my 2nd trimester - saw a doc on tv that said it was fine. That was good enough for me! I ate it on several occasions during my pregnancy and everything was fine. Just do it!

11/6/06, 6:18 PM  
Blogger Denice said...

I feel your pain!! Through my whole pregnancy, I have been craving the summer sausage my dad loves and was always in the fridge when I was growing up. I haven't eaten it in about 15 years, but for some reason it's the only thing I want to eat every single day. But alas, every single book I buy and every pregnancy website says not to eat it. Only 12 more weeks to go…

11/6/06, 10:04 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

I gave in and ate both spicy tuna and yellowtail. The place we go to is simply impeccable, and I think the whole 'don't eat sushi when prego' is really overpushed.

What do Japanese ladies do? Suddenly not touch raw fish for all 9-plus months?

I say indulge. Maybe not daily or even weekly, but monthly, for damn sure. And, if you're chicken, how about the unagi? Nothing like the flaky tenderness of delicious eel...

11/7/06, 3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. But you are pregnant, and doesn't that make it somehow ok that you must forego the spicy tuna, and the wine, and the... ??? I guess not. I would like to be pregnant, so by that logic, eating a spicy tuna roll will make me feel better?

11/7/06, 3:44 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Ha Ha Ha! Now THAT is funny. While I never had any real cravens with any of my four kids, I could not stand the smell of garlic or popcorn. These are my FAVORITE foods (is garlic a food group) but the smell, as soon as I became pregnat, would make me want to die instead of doing all that barfing my body did.

11/8/06, 3:40 PM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

I can't eat sushi ever since my first pregnancy... but still I say EAT it if you wanna

11/11/06, 2:33 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I just stumbled across your blog and this post really stuck with me....OK, I'm not pregnant yet, but we are trying and I have to say that I've already told my husband that the first thing he has to bring me after delivery is sushi--a spicy tuna roll to be precise. From our favorite restaurant. (Is he even allowed?!?) I can not imagine nine months without sushi. *Shudder*

11/11/06, 11:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I keep telling myself that I'm craving raw tuna because I need the iron. And eating it wouldn't be THAT bad, right? Right? It's for the BABY. So also is the Gin and Tonic. It has quinine. Babies need that.
A pregnant woman who goes on vacation to a tropical location and abstains from delicious fresh seafood and boat drinks deserves to be sainted.

11/14/06, 4:33 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home