4.27.2006

A New Day

My readers are better than your readers.

Think it's too much to put on a t-shirt to wear to BlogHer? Because I'm seriously considering it.

I've gotten a lot of food for thought from all of you over the past few days, and considering how little time for thought I've had, I appreciate that you're all feeding me. Or something like that. I'm still a little tired from the redeye last night to create metaphors that make much sense outside of my own brain.

What I'd really like to do is email each and every one of you with a gushing, girlie, Emily Post-sanctioned note of heartfelt thanks. Every comment posted deserves at least that much. But if I did, that would be like six less hours I have in my day and I'm already just a wee bit taxed. Please understand. Also know that I have read every single comment more than once, as has my mother, who wants to invite you all over for Thanksgiving dinner and feed you pie.

As many of you said, I had a bad day. Those words were racing through my head most of yesterday: It's just a bad day. Tomorrow will be a better one. And just as I was thinking that--I swear, I'm not making this up--that You've Had a Bad Day song came on the radio. And once again that proverbial light bulb went on over my head and I realized things could be so much worse.

I could be that guy who sings that crappy ass song.

I could be that guy who struggled his whole life to make it, and when he finally landed a hit, landed it with a song so heinous, he will forever be known as the guy who wrote the song that made millions of people want to gouge out their eardrums and run shrieking from the room.

So there's that.

Back home in New York now with a black and white milkshake from the diner, and the baby happily playing with some choking hazard or another next to me, things are already inordinately better. And other things have become inordinately clearer.

You see, the whole 101 aspect of Mom-101 is more than just a funny "new mom" thing.

I never knew whether I would have children or not. At 34 I was still single, not ever imagining that I would meet a man "in time." Or at least not a man who'd stick around long enough to impregnate me. And I had mostly come to terms with it, but not entirely. Not because I was desperate to be a mom. More because I hate hate HATE more than anything being told what I cannot do. Tell me I can't sing, I will sing every chance I get. Tell me I can't go to Kirsten Silverstein's house after school because her mom lets her smoke pot, that's where you'll find me. Tell me I can't climb Everest--well, I will not climb Everest. But I will resent you and maybe say a few catty things about you behind your back.

So whether or not I wanted a kid was besides the point. I just wanted that choice.

And then I fell in love with a man who desperately wanted a family. And it freaked the shit out of me to be actually presented with the opportunity. I remember the turning point: a work-sponsored boondoggle to the Magic Kingdom two years ago, where magic is evidently shorthand for children screaming or crying or whining or hitting their sisters. I became lost in a sea of weary, sweaty moms, each mechanically muttering, stop hitting your sister don't put that in your mouth no you can't have another churro because I said so that's why and thought, is this what it's all about? And if so, I can't do this. I don't see myself pushing a sticky rented stroller through Fantasyland in August heat, while wearing plaid Bermuda shorts that come up to my JC Penny bra. But I had a partner who I knew wanted children, and I wanted him.

My heart raced and my palms got damp and I wasn't quite sure I could stand any more. I collapsed onto a mercifully nearby bench, blurting, "I don't know if I can do this. I don't know that I can be a mom. But I know how important it is to you and I don't know what to do."

We sat together in silence for a moment as Nate processed the information I had just spilled on him like a cup of scalding coffee. He handed me a cool Poland Spring from his backpack and I took a sip, then pressed the bottle to my forehead.

"Well," he said at last, "if I have to spend the rest of my life with just one person, I'm glad it will be you."

And with that, the burden lifted. There was just me and this man who I loved and no pressure at all. It was at that moment I knew I was ready--not specifically to be a mom. But to start becoming a family.

[you know what happens next]

So now we've got this kid you see, and I love her like nothing in the world. I love her so much it hurts and I know it's a cliche, but God it's a good one. I finally understand why mothers don't care about the baby food stains on their clothes or the leaky bottles in their purses. And certainly not the dirty noses. Though I've got to admit, I'm blindsided by the entire thing. Didn't see it coming. Not one bit.

I told my boss through my whole pregnancy, "don't worry. I'm coming back. And I'll be willing to work even more when I do, that's how committed I am to this job."

Duh.

The 101 in Mom-1o1? It doesn't mean that being a mom is new to me. It means that even the idea of being a mom is new to me.

Some people have their whole lives to get ready for motherhood. Hell, Nate tells me that when he was young and Mormon, the girls learned songs in preschool about wanting to grow up and be mommies. Me? I only had nine months to get ready. After more than 30 years of not being ready, that hardly seems enough.

It's going take some effort to figure out the balance between my old life and my new one, especially since someone forgot to give me that whole working mother manual when I left the hospital. Or maybe I never figure it out at all. Maybe the best I can do is to learn to accept the compromises a little better. To acknowledge that, as so many of you pointed out, you miss some stuff, but you're there for some other stuff. Or as my mother pointed out, that she'll have plenty of other things to hate me for in fifteen years, but traveling for three days in April will just not be one of them.

But somehow, with time and effort and probably a bit more venting, I'm going to figure out how make everything work.

Don't tell me I can't.

-------

A Perfect Post


73 Comments:

Blogger toyfoto said...

Wow. It's like you just explained my life, too.

4/27/06, 10:48 PM  
Anonymous neva said...

brilliant! and, from where i'm sitting, i'm pretty sure "can't" is no where near your vocabulary.

4/27/06, 11:07 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

That was your most amazing post yet! Very brave, true and eloquent!

And you've got a wonderful honey. I hope you showed him this post. Because you're going to get some serious brownie points!

4/27/06, 11:41 PM  
Anonymous j said...

I *was* one of those girls who always wanted to be a mom and it's still the hardest damn thing I've ever done in my life. Mostly because as much as I planned how my mothering career would go, the universe is a funny place with rules of it's own and all the plans I had went out the window when my kids got... well, crazy. I think it's all a crap shoot really: you do the best you can on a day to day basis, and somedays that means if you make it to bedtime without anyone being literally lit on fire, it's a good day. The big stuff will work out and the little stuff doesn't really add up to much anyway.

4/27/06, 11:45 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

I won't tell you can't because that totally pisses me off too, and because I think you can. As I said...None of us thinks we are getting right, but most of us are doing a pretty good job in spite of ourselves, I think.

4/27/06, 11:53 PM  
Blogger jennster said...

i want to come over for PIE!!!! tell your mom i'm So there!
and fuck yes.. wear the shirt. that shit would crack me up!

4/28/06, 12:40 AM  
Blogger kfk said...

You can.

4/28/06, 1:01 AM  
Blogger something blue said...

One of my greatest fears is that more people like you will choose not to procreate because you've really got your shit together. The world is filled with messed up people. If they had the love and common sense that you dish out, the world would be a better place.

It's been bugging me all day, but I've had a desperate need to pat Nate on the back and shout out praise his way. You've got yourself a keeper!

4/28/06, 1:09 AM  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Don't worry about not getting the mothering manual thingy when you left the hopsital. Load of old crap, so it is. Basically it just says there are 3 basic phrases (allowing for regional variations and so forth) that a mother must repeat until her loin-fruit's eardrums begin to whistle: 1. "You'll have someone's eye out with that." 2."There'll be tears before bed-time." and 3. "Don't scratch it."

They completely miss out anything of any practical value to a mother except for, oddly, "Cabbage leaves, when placed in one's bra cups, will bring about a cessation in lactation".

I didn't get the manual either and just gleaned this info from an old 1974 copy I found in the waiting-room of The Institute For Daftward Mothers.

Glad you're feeling better, Liz. Self-doubt is a woman's very own form of dry-rot. To fight it you need the attentions of a good man (you have that, clearly) and strong chemicals (some sort of martini is best, I've heard).

4/28/06, 1:37 AM  
Blogger Refinnej said...

The shirt is perfect.

I'd like to say something great, but my brain has abandoned me for sleep. You already know you can. We just get to remind you.

4/28/06, 2:25 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

We are all still trying to figure it out. And as soon as you do, one of the pieces changes and you have to make them fit together all over again. It's an ongoing struggle but you are doing a very good job. Hang in there!

4/28/06, 3:22 AM  
Anonymous dorf said...

Mom's Famous Apple Pie. Made from windfall apples picked in the dead of night from a tree on a rich man's property! Every taste reminds us how ephemeral life is, how sweet it can be, and why telling me I can't have those apples makes the pie bigger and taller (read The Confessions of St. Augustine). And don't forget to bring the baby!

4/28/06, 5:16 AM  
Anonymous dorf said...

Mom's Famous Apple Pie. Made from windfall apples picked in the dead of night from a tree on a rich man's property! Every taste reminds us how ephemeral life is, how sweet it can be, and why telling me I can't have those apples makes the pie bigger and taller (read The Confessions of St. Augustine). And don't forget to bring the baby!

4/28/06, 5:16 AM  
Blogger kim said...

I'm literally wiping tears from my eyes after reading your post. Damn girl, you need to give up the advertising world and write full time. I think after yesterday's response you should know that you touch a nerve in people. Let me give you a little incentive-You can't, can't, can't be a writer!

4/28/06, 7:29 AM  
Anonymous Kristen said...

Maybe it's that my plane is delayed, or that I didn't get to kiss my sweet daughter goodbye this morning, but for crissakes Mom-101, I'm crying on an airplane. You OWE ME big time.

When I look at my daughter and perhaps my only child, I realize that I almost went through this life without her. And that scares the shit out of me. Because I don't even remember one ounce of my "I don't think I'm ever having kids and that's okay" speech I used to give.

All I know is life with her. And that is damn good.

*Hey, flight attendant, can I have a blanket to wipe off my pathetically running nose from crying my eyes out? Thanks*

4/28/06, 7:40 AM  
Blogger Mega Mom said...

One of the most surprising aspects of Motherhood for me has been the guilt. Even being home with my kids (for the most part), I feel it tugging at me constantly. Am I feeding them enough? The right things? Am I playing with them enough? Am I educating them enough? Are they happy? Am I a good Mom? Even though some of the questions are different, we all go through many of the same issues no matter what our lot is in life.

I think you are doing exactly what you should be. It is what I do everyday. Remind myself of the wonderful partner I have and our incredible children. Everything else seems to fall into place when you remember that.

4/28/06, 7:49 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I'm just catching up with your last few posts. I'm sorry you had such a bad day and I'm very happy you seemed to have bounced back (as is your fashion). And, you did with with style. Your little one is very lucky because you adore her and that's what a little one needs the most (except maybe food). And, you're providing that, too, right?

4/28/06, 7:55 AM  
Anonymous reluctant housewife said...

I used to say "What? Me? Mommy?" as well. It's amazing how children change you.

4/28/06, 8:01 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

I so needed to hear this today. I have been, am, so in the same Old Me/New Mommy/New Me boat. Without a paddle.

Anyway. This reader took this post as the best possible thank you. Now, thank *you.*

4/28/06, 8:15 AM  
Anonymous Tammy said...

Great post!!

And that's what mom's do, you know. We talk each other down off the roof when we need to. But, be careful, that first step is a whopper!

4/28/06, 8:20 AM  
Blogger Mom at Work said...

You're doing great. You really are. And with all of the self-examination of the past week, I think you've passed the first semester with flying colors -- I think you might be ready for Mom-102 (Permission of small, cute, diaper-wearing professor required).

4/28/06, 8:31 AM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Liz, I wanted to comment on the post below, but my computer tends to freeze up on any comment popup over 40. Oh, the suckage.

Anyway, I'm just so glad you're writing all this down. You know? This says it all about how you feel about Thalia and how imperfect being a working mommy can be (and if you need any literature on the imperfect life of a SAHM, I think Kristen and I have you covered).

She will read this some day and understand your great, overpowering love for her. And I just don't think it will be an issue. You are GREAT at your job. It would be a tragedy for you to give it up. You have a husband who can help with Thalia. That's awesome. You will make it work. You just will. And meanwhile, I'll enjoy reading about it.

4/28/06, 9:04 AM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Oh yeah. And screw that woman in LA who said that. That's such a passive-aggressive bitch thing to do. Screw her. And trust me. I get the same thing from people on the other side (whom I see all the time, because I met my husband at work and he's still there) in the form of "So when are you going back to work?" "Are you working again yet?" Uh no. I'm just sitting on the sofa all day, you mofo.

4/28/06, 9:06 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

I won't tell you that you can't. Because you can.

4/28/06, 9:27 AM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

In my brief time as a dad, I've always considered parenting to be a full-contact sport. Sometimes, you get the shit kicked out of you. Other days, you're on top of your game and you just kick ass. But, at the end of the day, you're right. These decisions are so hard because we love our kids so much that it hurts. It can be painful, torturous, and agonizing at times. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now, bring on the turkey and apple pie!

4/28/06, 9:28 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I got that whole insta-family thing goin on as well. I got married, pregnant had a baby and bought a house in ONE YEAR! BEAT THAT! LOL I'm amazing I'm doing as well as I am.....which by no means is perfect...but it's the best we can do.

BTW, I'm only in New Jersey....15 minutes from New York City, so beware what you promise...I can be by for pie this afternoon! LOL

4/28/06, 9:58 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

LOVE that idea for the tshirt.

4/28/06, 10:05 AM  
Anonymous Kvetch said...

And today? You've got a great attitude! It comes and goes, I know, it does for all of us. When the next plummet occurs we will remind you how you emerged once before and are destined to again. (it happens to me all the time, I swear). Thinking of you!!! :-)

4/28/06, 10:11 AM  
Blogger Fidget said...

That is what it is all about once you have children - finding out how to be you and still take care of them. How to love yourself when you love them even more and how to laugh even when the odds seems stacked against you.

I know you'll find your way. We are all out here in cyber space groping around for answers, thankfully the blog came to be, otherwise all we'd be grabbing is a fistful of bad homemade porn.

4/28/06, 10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are awesome, Mom 101. And, from spending some time with Thalia, I see what an incredible kid she is and will be so whatever you're doing, staying, working, flying, keep it up. You may have the new formula for raising a normal???? child.

I luv the song You've Had a Bad Day.

4/28/06, 10:28 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Before becoming pregnant, I would've told you "Nope, not for me." My first pregnancy was a time of terror, imagining how hard this would be. I told a good friend how I felt and she replied with one word:

Serendipity

Here was an opportunity to learn, by chance, all that I really could do. And it was true. I wasn't on a quest for motherhood, but it showed me how to the person I wanted to be, even if I didn't know I wanted to be that woman.

You'll be the mom you want to be, even if it's not the mom you envision being. That's how it happens with kids. They're never who we expect them to be, and neither are we. Now that I've written an essay here, I'll give you my favorite quotation for the tough times:

"Our gifts shall bring us home: not to beginnings/Nor always to the destination named/Upon our setting forth. Our gifts compel,/Master our ways and lead us in the end/Where we are nost ourselves..."

~Adrienne Rich, "Landscape of the Star," from The Diamond Cutters.

4/28/06, 10:36 AM  
Blogger Carrcakes said...

This post was really touching, in addition to giving single 30-something women hope to cling to. I'm glad Thalia has enhanced your life and writing in a way you never anticipated.

And mom to mom-101, thank you for FINALLY extending me an invitation to your table. I'm a fan of apple pie.

4/28/06, 10:37 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

That's "where we are MOST ourselves"....

4/28/06, 10:37 AM  
Blogger T. said...

This is a ferocious post. I am glad you shared with us. Now, I have to go blow my nose...

4/28/06, 10:58 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

You'll make it. After reading your post, I guarantee it.

After having five kids and *still* never having found the friggin' parents manual, all I can tell you is: go with your gut, and keep your eyes on the things that are most important. All the other stuff is just white noise.

I've been poking in here a few times, but now I'm adding you to my list of regular reads, and putting you on my sidebar. Thanks.

4/28/06, 11:00 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Karen - that sums it up just beautifully.

I think we all need to publish a compendium of parenting advice from the blogworld.

4/28/06, 11:30 AM  
Blogger tania (urban_mommy) said...

Great post. My experience was/is similar. It's still very early in this motherhood game for me but I know already that I can't have it all. Problem is, even though I know this, I still WANT it all and if choices need to be made, I at least want to be the one to make them. The thing I am coming to realize is that even that much control - which already feels like such a compromise - may be too much. Compromises will be decided for me, be it by office or gender politics or my own phyiscal limitations. Its a hard thing to come to grips with. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

4/28/06, 11:47 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

You can and you will.

I loved that eloquent and straight-from-the-heart post.

4/28/06, 12:07 PM  
Blogger Veronica Mitchell said...

This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. When I read your husband's response to your worries, I did the whole involuntary hand-to-the-chest, swooning "Ohhhhh." I hope your baby is better soon, and your spirits are improved.

4/28/06, 12:08 PM  
Anonymous Nicola said...

I'm hoping I'll have a moment of clarity like you did, at 29 years old, I've no urge for babies - at all. My husband does, but I'm just not ready! I figure I've got a couple of years yet....

4/28/06, 12:11 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

I think my attitude about motherhood spared me from disappointment. I didn't EVER want to be a mom. I didn't ever want to be pregnant. I didn't ever want to be married. I've now done all three. All the way, I thought the worst: I was going to lose my identity, I was going to hate being pregnant, I was going to be a terrible mom. None of that has come to pass (with the exception of the last one, which remains to be seen for the next 20 or 30 years).

I have listened to a LOT of women pontificate on how they would NEVER give their kids pacifyers; they'd never let them eat junk food; they'd never let the children cry themselves to sleep or have a moment of discomfort if it could be avoided. They were going to raise gifted children who were self-aware and self-actualized. In short, they were going to be supermoms. I just sat quietly and listened.

My mom got very sick when I was about 27, nearly a decade before my own daughter was born. I learned I was not the person I thought I was the moment she told me the news. While I could do physical things for her (shave her head after chemo started making it fall out in clumps) I could not TALK to her. I couldn't be in the same room with her if she cried or got angry or even mentioned the words "cancer" or "death." My reaction stunned us both. To this day (and she is still with us though not in the health she would have liked) she will not tell me anything BAD unless she has to.

I bring this up because I don't thing any of us know how we are going to be under stress - ever. But sometimes I think when you have doubts about yourself or you think you will screw everything up you have no place to go but up.

4/28/06, 12:14 PM  
Blogger movin'mom said...

...And this to shall pass.....Your mom must be very proud of you, although I am sure she has seen your gift for writing since you were young!
Do you think BLOGGING will still be around when Thalia is a first time mom! As I said before in your post of celebrating Thalia's 9th month. Sometimes quality means so much more than quantity- After having 4 children, I never acknowledged their 9th month; it was all about that 1st birthday-Was it that I was too busy? Who knows but after 4 times around with the new babies it just became what I knew....Remind yourself about that the next time "the bad day" rolls around because it will....like your mom said there are plenty to come.

4/28/06, 12:23 PM  
Blogger DaniGirl said...

Brava!

Now, about that pie...

4/28/06, 12:46 PM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

Beautiful post. Let me know if you find that manual.

4/28/06, 12:48 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Oh but you CAN make it work. And you are. It already IS working.

I posted once about not being prepared for motherhood either. I truly identify with your statement about having nine months to get ready. It really does throw you for a loop.

4/28/06, 12:54 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Davis said...

Glad you are doing better. As always, you have processed MAJOR stuff in a relatively short period of time and come back with amazing insights.

Yes you will make it all work. It's never all perfect, not every day, anyway. But you've already figured that much out.

4/28/06, 1:04 PM  
Blogger Marriage-101 said...

I read a few different mom blogs. And everytime I do, I feel like you did at Disneyland. Can I really ever be a mom? And if I do, will I be a good one? My fiance sounds a lot like Nate. Having a family is his GOAL, much like mine is to climb the corporate ladder. It's comforting to know that even the best moms (meaning you) have had their doubts and are uncertain at times. Reading your blog gives me a taste of what's to come, and even though you have rough days, it sounds to me like it's all worth it.

4/28/06, 1:32 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU CAN. We all are, aren't we? (or at least we're trying to.)
My manual got lost on the way home from the hospital.
And let your mother know, I like Pumpkin Pie, even when it's not Thanksgiving.

4/28/06, 1:37 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Dude, I hate that freaking song! I'm so glad you're not the guy who wrote it. I seriously, I mean briefly, considered divorcing Mr. Fortune last night when he told me he thought it was okay. Just kidding.

You so COULD climb Mt. Everest, and write a far funnier book about it than that Krakauer guy did.

4/28/06, 2:31 PM  
Blogger Antique Mommy said...

I wouldn't ever say can't, but I might say don't - or maybe at least don't for just a while. But that's easy for me to say. I've never had a high-paying glamorous job where I got to stay in a Joey Pants hotel

4/28/06, 2:44 PM  
Blogger macboudica said...

Beautiful post.

Being a mom is a work in progress. If something doesn't work, accept that and try something else.

4/28/06, 3:00 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

Nothing better than a milkshake with your true love and a baby. As usual, a wonderful post. Just know, you're not alone. And while I always knew I wanted to be a mom, the reality is a bit different. And my hubby and kids are the greatest thing in my world. But I have a career too. And it's ok to have and love both.

And um... does she make pecan pie. Cause that is my favorite.

4/28/06, 3:00 PM  
Anonymous aj said...

When I heard the news that my mother had suffered a severe brain hemorrhage,an aneurysm,and might not survive I was very surprised that the first thought that I had was "Oh,no!My mother's going to die and I am not married and don't have children".This epiphany at the age of 30 changed my life.My mother survived to see two beautiful grandsons.
My beloved late father-in-law used to say that when you have children you become a member of the human race.This is of course a mixed blessing because you feel every other mothers joys but also their pains.I'm sorry that you have been in pain lately.I wish that you lived here in Canada where we have much longer maternity leave and job protection.
Love your blog!

4/28/06, 3:07 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

I'm so glad you decided to have a baby too, otherwise there'd be no Mom-101 to read. See, I'm selfish like that :)

But seriously, figuring out this work/family balance that you are talking about it so hard. I hope that you find what works for you best.

4/28/06, 3:32 PM  
Blogger one smarmy mama said...

aaawwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just aw. that's the best thing I've read all day.

4/28/06, 4:06 PM  
Blogger texas math said...

What kinda pie? Wait, forget I asked that...I'm a pie-eating mofo...I'd be there quick...am I invited...I've only been reading your blog for a week or two so I'm ok if I'm excluded...but I liked this post because most of the blogs I start reading its like I'm diving into the middle of a story...now I know where your story started.

4/28/06, 4:16 PM  
Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

Great post. Between yours and mama_tulip's post I've been reduced to a blubbering idiot.

And that song - blech. My ten year old hates it so much she covers up her ears and shrieks when it comes on Idol. So I've taken to turning up the volume whenever it comes on the radio and telling her, "Kira! It's your favorite song!" I'm trying to find a way to sneak it onto her iPod. So mature.

4/28/06, 4:20 PM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

Another spectacular, insightful, honest post. I don't imagine "can't" would every apply to you.

Ready or not, Thalia has one awesome mom.

4/28/06, 5:53 PM  
Blogger Stacy said...

I'm still not ready for motherhood and my girls are 3 and 6. Maybe I'll be ready by the time they go to college. He, he.

BTW- your post cheered me up today. I had a bad day. Thanks!

4/28/06, 6:14 PM  
Blogger a witt said...

My husband and I haven't had kids yet, but I just wanted to thank you for your honesty. Until, you know, "mommy blogs" came along, I have always had the distinct impression that people who have kids are INTO KIDS. And I just never have been. Well, overly. Not close-up enough to get peed on anyway.

Posts like this one make me think, "I could do this. If I can do it THIS way." Is that too much pressure on you? Sorry. Just that it is a huge relief to me, and I can't even totally express why. I'm just so glad to know I don't have to like Barney.

Right? I don't have to, do I? Because I really, really don't. Eh, I guess he's kind of out of style, anyway.

G

4/28/06, 7:26 PM  
Blogger Builder Mama said...

I swear, sometimes I feel like you are my long-lost twin.

You pretty much summed up my life and view of motherhood up until Monkey Man arrived on the scene. There are still days when I'm not entirely sure what the heck I'm doing, but they get fewer and far between. Either that or all the drinking is finally helping.

Hugs - thanks for two great posts.

Liz

4/28/06, 9:05 PM  
Anonymous Amy said...

That a girl! Glad you were able to dust yourself off and keep going! Right on!

4/28/06, 10:26 PM  
Blogger Pattie said...

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! You sound like a woman...mom...wife who is confident she made the right choices.

4/29/06, 2:03 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

You know, I still have moments where I'm like, "How did this little person get here?" I just realized the other day that I'm actually AT the place I wanted to be when I had kids (but even having kids was an "if" for me too). It kind of snuck up on me. I'm working from home, I've got flexibility, I'm doing the job I want to do... and I still have days I feel totally overwhelmed. I have days I feel I'm missing too much and I'm at home with my son! I think being a mom is hard no matter what choices you make. We all have bad days. Even the moms I know who wanted it all their lives still have to figure out the balance.

Hang in there. We're with you.

4/29/06, 2:21 AM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

But somehow, with time and effort and probably a bit more venting, I'm going to figure out how make everything work

Damn straight.

4/29/06, 2:54 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

After I am done beating Daniel Powter down with you for that fucking song, Then I will sit by you and tell you that the working mom thing doesn't get easier...but it doesn't get harder either. There are sacrifices and there are times when you blow it all off to watch an off tune choral concert.

And then there are times when you have spent 10 days in Disney, spent a gazillion dollars and just want to be left alone for a few hours, but the kid keeps popping up to talk to you. And then you read this post. And you remember that this is just a moment in time.

4/29/06, 4:16 PM  
Blogger Happy Chicken said...

Hey 101, thanks for reading my blog. I always find your postings balancing the smart, sardonic, and heartfelt ... a very difficult combination. When you take Thalia to the theater, please tell her not to talk or kick my chair.

4/29/06, 4:16 PM  
Blogger Gurukarm Kaur said...

After having a son when I was 18, who I gave up for adoption, I was convinced for a VERY LONG TIME that not only was I SO not cut out to be a parent, but I didn't even want to be married. Or, I did, I thought, but it just wasn't going to be in my destiny. Then, the man who was my best friend for over 4 years became my husband, and put up with all my psychotic-ness and self-hatred and all the other weird stuff, and still loved me (still does, in fact), and finally, after a long long time I opened myself to the universe and the idea that maybe I could be a mom after all, and was rewarded with the most wonderful daughter ever. Followed by her equally wonderful brother 5 1/2 years later. And finally, after all that, more years later, I was blessed to find that first son who is also a wonderful young man. And the circle was completed.

Being a mom is an amazing kick. And hard as hell. I'm so happy for you that you're getting to experience it with your wonderful daughter too. And bless your DH for the kindness, compassion, love, and foresight to let you know that regardless of all else, you could be "enough" in his life. And your blessings flow.
:-)

4/30/06, 7:30 PM  
Blogger MommaK said...

I'm sure you can - and I can't wait to read all about it. Congrats on the well deserved award :)

5/1/06, 10:25 PM  
Blogger zeldafitz said...

Go on girl!

Can you change the t-shirt to:

My readers are SMARTER than your readers?

5/2/06, 9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I am 28. I am happily married. We decided to "stop not trying" for a month. Two weeks later, I'm pregnant. Now two months after that I'm counting down the days. Not only because "I just can't wait for that day" but also because "Crap, I need to figure out what the HELL I am supposed to doing".

5/2/06, 3:39 PM  
Blogger Lysa Schwartz Hoffman said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2/2/07, 1:07 AM  
Blogger Char said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8/15/07, 7:39 PM  

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