Breaking News: New Moms are Fat

These days I'm getting upwards of 25 press releases a day to Mom101. Most I scan quickly and delete. A few, if I'm feeling snarky, get a response like, "You know, if you took the time to read my blog and not just pretend that you read it, you would know that there's no way I'm going to write about your canned tomatoes/Precious Moments crap/corporate apartments where I nearly died."

But today I got one titled New Study Links Lack of Sleep to Weight Gain in New Moms.

(Maybe you got it too - you, and you, and you, and you. Maybe even you? Nah. Probably not.)
And I thought, hallef*ckinglujia, just what every sleep-deprived new mom has been hoping to find in her inbox.

Indeed I am beyond delighted to know that Sage's continued insistence at waking up every 2 hours all night leaves me not only cranky, irritable, limited in my brain capacity and looking like crap, but now it's making me fat.

Forget the fact that the research was conducted by Kaiser Permanente--who after seeing Sicko, is not exactly on my holiday list. What am I supposed to do with this information? How am I supposed to respond to an email that informs me that "getting enough sleep – even just two hours more – may be as important to mothers as a healthy diet and exercise."

It's like getting a pitch that says "If you just made more money--even just $100,000 more--you may have a better quality of life."

Um, thanks for the tip.

Call me cynical, but no insurance organization does research for the betterment of humanity at their own cost. Is it possible that the research is paving the way towards more reasons not to pay out? Sorry 'bout your diabetes and hypertention, fatty...if you had just slept more instead of watching Grey's Anatomy after having those kids, we might have approved you.


Or maybe this is the first step towards insurance companies covering night nurses and daytime doulas for us all for the first six months.

Because that sure would be nice.


Blogger kittenpie said...

Hmmm... That WOULD be nice! It's good to have a dream, mama.

11/19/07, 7:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That would be great. And it's never going to happen, of course!


11/19/07, 8:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, I didn't get that one. Perhaps my telling off of the last lackey was successful? ;)

11/19/07, 8:51 PM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

OMFG. That? is the EXACT study my MD used to explain to me why i was gaining weight so rapidly despite diet and exercise. OH NO it couldn't be a pituitary tumor or thyroid problem, no let's just cite stress and lack of sleep and diagnose PPD and prescribe Happy Pills.

I hate effing studies like this.

Yes, sleep and stress are factors...but geez, quit making women out to be HYSTERICS and maybe we can get better diagnoses.

Umm sorry to rant but err this is a big issue to me.

Using My Words

11/19/07, 9:07 PM  
Blogger Julie Marsh said...

Oh cool! I can look forward to the saccharine "Congratulations on your pregnancy!" opening lines being replaced by "You wouldn't have PPD if you got more sleep!" opening lines.

I'm so excited. What would I do without these uplifting and educational emails?

11/19/07, 9:49 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

So glad only you and my one cousin in Vermont read my blog. I'm never getting dreck like that. Whoot.

11/19/07, 10:15 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

I don't know about you, but I'd rather admit to my sleep deprivation than the fact that I was so obsessed with Blue Bunny's Sweet & Salty Cluster Ice Cream that when I found out it was a limited addition I wrote into the company so they would make it a permanent flavor.

11/19/07, 10:52 PM  
Blogger Mocha said...

What do you mean probably not me? As if, just because that youngest child is now 12 I still don't have pregnancy weight gain. I keep the stretch marks and pot belly around just to remind myself that my body could do that.

Because someday those children will leave. But I'll have those scars F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

11/19/07, 11:00 PM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...

"Or maybe this is the first step towards insurance companies covering night nurses and daytime doulas for us all for the first six months."

Oh yes!

That's exactly what will happen!

Wait. Let me try that again with a straight face.

11/20/07, 1:31 AM  
Blogger Brianne Hudgins Photography said...

I'm still in awe that a group of men in the insurance company realize that children keep mother's up at night.

Can they please send my husband an email letting him know that?

... and yeah. This is simply a new way to not pay out on policies.

11/20/07, 2:53 AM  
Blogger Mahlers On Safari said...

They must all be a bunch of asswipes who have never had an infant they had to care for at night.

I'm unapologectic in my distain.

11/20/07, 9:52 AM  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Yeah, how do I get my husband and my boss on that list for press releases. I know a few other men who could use some cluing in too!

11/20/07, 10:08 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

This is a great post!

I'm waiting on the study from Jose Cuervo that shows that drinking tequila counteracts the fat-from-lack-of-sleep. I'll blog that.

11/20/07, 10:43 AM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Grrrr. Yeah, night nurses for everyone to prevent an obesity epidemic!

11/20/07, 11:06 AM  
Blogger Mitzi Green said...

"Or maybe this is the first step towards insurance companies covering night nurses and daytime doulas for us all for the first six months."


yeah, right after we all start getting guaranteed PAID maternity leave.

you slay me.

11/20/07, 11:47 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

I saw that news story last night, and all I could think is how lovely they are to point out that those of us who can't afford night nannies are out of luck and apparently should just accept that we're going to be fat.

Either that or they're trying to stress us out more with the Supermommy complex: what, you already keep your house clean, work, take care of the kids, cook, and try to make yourself look presentable for your husband. Can't you at least work some sleep in there? All you need is two hours more - no problem, right?

Studies like that should not be allowed to be published unless there is also a solution to the problem.

11/20/07, 3:34 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

I need to see Sicko. But everytime I go to rent it, it's out. I guess that's a good thing though...right?

I loved your pitch about making more money. You always crack me up.

11/20/07, 3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Press releases, helpful little fuckers, no? I have yet to get a useful one, but this absolutely rates as the worst one ever!

11/21/07, 8:51 AM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

Lack of sleep makes Bossy crabby. When Bossy is crabby she likes to pace back and forth in front of the refrigerator. And occasionally she falls in headfirst and a Dagwood Bumstead sandwich happens. Classic cause and effect.

11/21/07, 12:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To think that all this time I thought I was just eating too much! Bring on the milky ways! My kids all sleep through the night.

11/21/07, 1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, and after 3 hours of sleep I'm really anxious to hit the gym! Excellent Post!

11/21/07, 1:55 PM  
Blogger Becoming Mommy said...

This explains why my doc kept trying to perscribe me Ambien during my pregnancy (which turns me into a lunatic). Yes, I gained a lot of weight. No, I didn't sleep (didn't before, don't now). But that didn't necessarily mean they were related. If they only would have listened when I told them it was a kidney issue....as was proven when Sasha was born and 2 days later my body decided to shed all the extra fluid all at once. Not too many people can lose 45 lbs in a week.

11/21/07, 2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read that this week.

Me to my husband last night: If you'd get up with Hailey a few times I wouldn't be this fat!

He looked perplexed. Apparently he didn't get the press release.

By the way, you get press releases? That's insane. What am I doing wrong that I'm not getting press releases? And why am I upset that I'm not getting them?

11/21/07, 3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are as many theories around as there are experts to tout their wares.
Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving

11/21/07, 4:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This just in! "Being alive makes you old!"

11/22/07, 12:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear, you're just reading the wrong studies.

Didn't you know that if you have a shapely figure you're brilliant (ha ha you cracked-out waifs in Cosmo) and chances are that if your first-born is a girl, you're beautiful. See here: http://gogoma.typepad.com/go_go_mommy/2007/11/hooray-for-scie.html

See, now don't you feel better?

11/22/07, 2:50 PM  
Blogger the mystic said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11/23/07, 1:19 AM  
Blogger Blog said...

Oh shit. I'm in big trouble if that really is true....

11/23/07, 11:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They did not send that press release to techmamas. If they did, it may of said that technology is making moms fat. Just another excuse.
Hey insurance companies - how about dealing with the real issues which is getting help for new moms - so they can get some sleep! What if insurance covered a short stint with doulas or day nurses for moms with newborns... Just think what that would do for moms!

11/24/07, 12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But isn't it nice to have something to blame it on other than lack of willpower, laziness, or overindulgence? Not quite as good a scapegoat as, say, bad genes, lack of sleep is at least something we don't really control ourselves and therefore makes a great object for blame.

: )

11/26/07, 4:06 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

And they'll do our laundry too. Just like they do in France! (I saw Sicko too. I heart Michael Moore.)

11/26/07, 5:06 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home