Must be love

Today Sage turns two. And in an odd twist of fate, I fell in deeply in love with her this past week.

Which makes me believe that perhaps I perhaps wasn't before.

It's like seeing a favorite flower on the windowsill, one you could have sworn was in full blossom - and then it opens just a little bit more and its beauty multiplies by a zillion.

It's her sweet eyes, the way she throws her head back as she smiles. It's how tightly she clutches me when she's feeling shy, and how quickly she lets go when she's not. It's her strong personality, her shameless independence, her remarkable sense of self at such a young age, I'm terrified to think of what she'll be doing at ten.

Of course it doesn't hurt that the girl also has perfect comedic timing--a trait which is valued in our household above things like obedience and vegetable eating.

I find myself unable to put her down. I find myself unable to stop pressing my lips to her smooth, fat cheeks. I find my heart skipping just a wee bit faster when she looks my way.

It's love.

We don't love our children perfectly equally at the exact same time, all the time. I think we lie to ourselves if we say we do. I think it's as if they're running hand in hand across a finish line, only one crosses the finish line just a hair before the other.

This is Sage's week.

Happy birthday Sagey. And thank you for giving me the best Mother's Day gift ever: You.


Anonymous Joanna said...

I feel that way about my daughter, Berry, too. It's not that I didn't love her before. I know I did. But I remember recently falling in love with her even more. Perhaps it's the age - Berry turned 2 in April.

5/11/09, 9:57 AM  
Blogger Mahlers On Safari said...

Oh... that wonderful, giddy feeling of true love!

Happy Birthday to beautiful Sage. And congrats to Mama... for such a great girl and for making it through the toughest part of parenting (at least until Thalia turns 13).

5/11/09, 10:20 AM  
Blogger Mahlers On Safari said...

Oh yeah... and to Nate, too! (I hope that doesn't affect his willingness to cook me a fabulous meal next month.)

5/11/09, 10:20 AM  
Blogger Goddess in Progress said...

Happy birthday little girl! My kids are approaching two and starting to come out the other side of a really rough phase, and I find myself enjoying them exponentially more all of a sudden.

*dreamy sigh...*

Oh wait. My daughter is standing behind me saying "poop, poop" and I think my son is drawing chalk on the walls. Gotta go.


5/11/09, 10:25 AM  
Blogger Jessica - This Is Worthwhile said...

Today's a great day to be born! I have two wonderful friends with 5/11 as their day. I think it's a magical time, indeed.

I can't wait for the big 2 with mine! Happy Day you guys! Kiss those cheeks till you're blue in the face!

5/11/09, 10:49 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

I read this with my own two year old on my lap and I definitely get it. Great post.

5/11/09, 10:57 AM  
Blogger Assertagirl said...

I just love to read posts like these...this one made me realize I can't wait to fall in love with our child, too.

5/11/09, 11:23 AM  
Anonymous Julie @ The Mom Slant said...

Happy birthday to your beautiful girl, and congrats to you mama.

5/11/09, 11:52 AM  
Blogger Lady Mama said...

It's true how suddenly a few small things can make you fall in love all over again. Happy Birthday to your little girl.

5/11/09, 12:24 PM  
Anonymous Mir said...

Awwww. Happy birthday to your beautiful baby, who is no longer a baby!

5/11/09, 1:26 PM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

They are all so different and I think at different ages, each one finds their way into your heart again and again. More than you ever thought possible.

Happy 2nd birthday to Sage.

5/11/09, 1:37 PM  
Blogger the new girl said...

I love when you write posts like this, Liz. They are so honest and tender and real. That picture of Sage is beautiful and this post is a great tribute.

5/11/09, 1:50 PM  
Anonymous Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

Happy birthday to your lovely girl =)

5/11/09, 2:24 PM  
Anonymous RookieMom Heather said...

Yum. I feel that way about Milo too. I wish we could have another just like him and name him Milo. And Holden would think it was totally normal to have 2 same-same brothers. But only for a little while, and he'd realize we were freaks.

Happy birthday little Sage! And congrats on a big milestone Liz.

5/11/09, 2:54 PM  
Blogger Bea said...

I've been feeling that way about my Pie today. And I think you're exactly right about the way we love our children differently.

5/11/09, 3:40 PM  
Blogger Dana's Brain said...

Happy Birthday to the beautiful girl! Those feelings are so wonderful. We call them Joy Bubbles in my house.

I had one just this morning when my 2.5yr old girl hugged me and was just content to stay that way. Tucked into my shoulder for a few minutes. I didn't want it to end.

5/11/09, 4:10 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

Two is such an awesome age---I'm seeing it with my niece who garbles my name into the cutest form of "Christina" that I've ever heard. Happy Birthday to little Sage. I still remember when John sent me a text message when she was born. It read, "Liz popped sage ale". I'd say he failed the telephone game at birthday parties.

5/11/09, 4:20 PM  
Anonymous Y said...

I totally know what you mean.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

5/11/09, 6:16 PM  
Blogger Chibi said...

Happy birthday, Sage! :)

5/11/09, 7:17 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

I totally get it! I get weepy when I think about my Pickle! He's so cute at 25 months now! It just gets better and better!
Happy Birthday, Sage!

5/11/09, 8:24 PM  
Anonymous Jane said...

I know what you mean. I love both of my kids, just differently. And at this young age they change so quickly that almost daily I find something new to love, even more than yesterday. Happy birthday to Sage, to your house from my house.

5/11/09, 8:53 PM  
Anonymous Casey said...

It is amazing how quickly they can go from baby to "real person" while you are just looking away for a moment. (Not that I think babies aren't real people, of course.)

I've always thought to myself that I am in love with my children, just like you can be in love with an adult, only minus the romantic, physical side. I mean, I am soooo intrigued to find out what they'll say next, sooo fascinated by what catches their fancy as they grow, sooo anxious to soothe their frayed emotions on bad days. And sooo thrilled when they tuck themselves into me for a cuddle.

It's more than just loving them; it's really being in love. Nice to know I've got some company in my thinking.

5/11/09, 9:53 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Happy Birthday to Sage!

May is a great month to be born in!

5/11/09, 9:57 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Happy Birthday, Sage! Many more years of cuteness to come.

5/12/09, 2:27 AM  
Blogger Chara said...

The funny thing is, they change so quickly that it's easy to fall in love with them over and over again.

5/12/09, 8:58 AM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Aw! Happy Birthday Sagey, indeed. Love to all.

5/12/09, 10:58 AM  
Blogger PS~Erin said...

This is such a touchingly sweet tribute to your little one. Your description of the things you love about her had me tearing up. Since I've been a mom, birthdays get me all emotional. Happy Birthday to your little gal and to you.

5/12/09, 2:32 PM  
Anonymous Laura said...

Thank you for saying "We don't love our children perfectly equally at the exact same time, all the time. I think we lie to ourselves if we say we do."

I have felt this way a thousand times since the birth of my second child 2 years ago. I never dared say it out loud though because I thought that would make me a bad mother.

Thank you so much for giving validation to my feelings.

5/12/09, 3:17 PM  
Blogger Miss Grace said...

Happy Birthday sweet girl!

5/12/09, 3:17 PM  
Blogger Marinka said...

It is love and it just keeps on getting better (with some off days during the torrid threes)

5/12/09, 10:01 PM  
Blogger Gray Matter said...

That was so beautifully put. I love your honesty. There really is a "romantic love" quality to how we love our children, isn't there. Happy Birthday to Sage!!

5/13/09, 1:54 PM  
Anonymous RookieMom Whitney said...

I very much relate to this. I have been spending all but 10 hours a week with Scarlett and I'm about to give away 15 to a new client. Having enjoyed my previous amazingly balanced life with a 30-hr work week, I never thought I'd have a problem separating from her more. But she's so hilarious and joyful, I think I will miss her. And I can't stop kissing her. Turning 2 on the 4th of July.

5/13/09, 4:15 PM  
Blogger Haley-O said...

My little guy's 19 months and I've been feeling the same way, as he approaches two. This is such a sweet age (after months of HELL!).

My daughter, at almost 4, has been a bit of a terror lately and has some of that catching up in the race to do!! I always say I LOVE them both, but some days I LIKE one or the other a little less than on other days (like today..., grrr.)

Such a beautiful tribute to your daughter. Happy Birthday!

5/13/09, 7:12 PM  
Anonymous Meagan Francis said...

Definitely true for me. I figure as long as each child gets regular turns being my "just a little more favorite", it'll all even out in the end. And I find the whole second year miserable, from about 12 months to 20 months or so...so, it is just like falling in love all over again when they come out of that toddler stage.

5/14/09, 8:03 AM  
Blogger caramama said...

Happy Birthday, Sage! What a beauty!

5/14/09, 2:16 PM  
Blogger Shay said...

Such a timely post for me to read. My Lucy is turning one on Saturday and I have these same feelings. She has re-captured my heart (not that she never really had it).

Happy B Day, little Sage!

5/14/09, 5:16 PM  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

What a wonderful letter.

Sage is a lucky little girl to have you for her momma.

5/14/09, 9:29 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Happy Birthday to Sage!

5/15/09, 12:02 AM  
Blogger Maranatha said...

Oh that is so sweet! And I LOVE the name Sage! It is actually the name I had picked out for my first, but I was overruled by DH & now we have a Jasmine instead. Happy Birthday precious little Sage!

5/15/09, 1:42 AM  

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