NaBloPoMo Dropout
NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month is a cool idea, in which its participants are posting every day in November with the chance to improve their writing, gain readers, and win valuable prizes.
Huge apologies to those readers who are finding Mom101 through some sort of NaBloPoMo randomizer, looking at my last posting date and thinking, that cheat! That fraud! However I regret that I am not one of these participants nor have I ever intended to be.
I'm perhaps as busy as I ever have been, which is exascerbated by the first trimester narcolepsy that's been stealing many formerly productive hours from me each day. Kristen and I have been swamped with an incredible but time-consuming opportunity for Cool Mom Picks. Oh, plus there's that pesky full-time day job which is sending me on a weeklong business trip to sunny Orlando on Tuesday--exciting "I miss my baby" and "there's nothing on pay-per-view" posts to follow.
So while I would love nothing more than to dazzle you daily with my overuse of double-dashes and italics, I regret that this is not possible right now.
Although the whole exercise certainly has got me thinking.
Living in New York, if I had the ability to put an illustrated gun to people's heads and force them to do something every day this month, I'm not entirely sure it would be blog posting. Here are some alternatives I would consider endorsing:
TaShoDa(UsSo)Mo
Take a Shower Daily (and Use Soap) Month.
Required of all cab drivers. Because if you have ever lived in New York for any period of time, then you know the feeling of hanging your head out of the rear window of a cab in sub-zero temperatures for forty block, which is preferable to braving the unbearable putrescence inside the car.
SaThaSoHoDoMo
Say Thank You When Someone Holds Open the Door Month
I am not a professional doorman. As such, when I am holding open the door of the movie theater, assume it is so that I can enter it myself, not so that 87 of you can stream out while I stand shivering in the cold, missing the previews.
StaGiPreSeaAsMo
Stand Up and Give The Pregant Woman a Seat, Asshole, Month.
Violators will be forced to sit in the one subway car at rush hour with no air conditioning. See also: NaTaShoDa(UsSo)Mo
RePriGroMo
Reasonable Price on Groceries Month
In which a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is not allowed to top $1.19, even if it's available the only Tribeca grocery for blocks.
CleAfDoBraMo
Clean Up After Your Dog, Braniac, Month
Here's a secret--when you let your dog crap in a snowbank? It doesn't melt along with the snow.
NyPoNoNewSoMo
The New York Post Is Not a News Source Month
For every page of the New York Post one reads--sports, gossip and comics excluded--the reader must also read three stories from a credible news source. The success of this program could lead to a nationwide push with NaFoNoNewSoMo - National Fox is Not a News Source Month, in which Fox News-viewing drones will be forced to watch BBC World News while loofa-ing Bill O'Reilly's private parts.
WeGoYoLiRaMo
We Got it, You Like Rap Month
If you'd like to blow out your eardrums with the latest unintelligible, mysogynistic offering from someone I'm not cool enough to have heard of, feel free to use headphones. Not your car speakers, not with your windows down, and certainly not after midnight. Some of us have sleeping children. And taste.
FuhGeFreMo
"Fugeddaboudit"- Free Month
In which no NYC tourist is permitted to say fugeddaboudit as an imitation of Brooklyn dialect. You wanna hear people say fugeddaboudit? Hop a PATH train to Jersey. You'll be in heaven.
------
So, what would you like to see instituted this month?
Huge apologies to those readers who are finding Mom101 through some sort of NaBloPoMo randomizer, looking at my last posting date and thinking, that cheat! That fraud! However I regret that I am not one of these participants nor have I ever intended to be.
I'm perhaps as busy as I ever have been, which is exascerbated by the first trimester narcolepsy that's been stealing many formerly productive hours from me each day. Kristen and I have been swamped with an incredible but time-consuming opportunity for Cool Mom Picks. Oh, plus there's that pesky full-time day job which is sending me on a weeklong business trip to sunny Orlando on Tuesday--exciting "I miss my baby" and "there's nothing on pay-per-view" posts to follow.So while I would love nothing more than to dazzle you daily with my overuse of double-dashes and italics, I regret that this is not possible right now.
Although the whole exercise certainly has got me thinking.
Living in New York, if I had the ability to put an illustrated gun to people's heads and force them to do something every day this month, I'm not entirely sure it would be blog posting. Here are some alternatives I would consider endorsing:
TaShoDa(UsSo)Mo
Take a Shower Daily (and Use Soap) Month.
Required of all cab drivers. Because if you have ever lived in New York for any period of time, then you know the feeling of hanging your head out of the rear window of a cab in sub-zero temperatures for forty block, which is preferable to braving the unbearable putrescence inside the car.
SaThaSoHoDoMo
Say Thank You When Someone Holds Open the Door Month
I am not a professional doorman. As such, when I am holding open the door of the movie theater, assume it is so that I can enter it myself, not so that 87 of you can stream out while I stand shivering in the cold, missing the previews.
StaGiPreSeaAsMo
Stand Up and Give The Pregant Woman a Seat, Asshole, Month.
Violators will be forced to sit in the one subway car at rush hour with no air conditioning. See also: NaTaShoDa(UsSo)Mo
RePriGroMo
Reasonable Price on Groceries Month
In which a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is not allowed to top $1.19, even if it's available the only Tribeca grocery for blocks.
CleAfDoBraMo
Clean Up After Your Dog, Braniac, Month
Here's a secret--when you let your dog crap in a snowbank? It doesn't melt along with the snow.
NyPoNoNewSoMo
The New York Post Is Not a News Source Month
For every page of the New York Post one reads--sports, gossip and comics excluded--the reader must also read three stories from a credible news source. The success of this program could lead to a nationwide push with NaFoNoNewSoMo - National Fox is Not a News Source Month, in which Fox News-viewing drones will be forced to watch BBC World News while loofa-ing Bill O'Reilly's private parts.
WeGoYoLiRaMo
We Got it, You Like Rap Month
If you'd like to blow out your eardrums with the latest unintelligible, mysogynistic offering from someone I'm not cool enough to have heard of, feel free to use headphones. Not your car speakers, not with your windows down, and certainly not after midnight. Some of us have sleeping children. And taste.
FuhGeFreMo
"Fugeddaboudit"- Free Month
In which no NYC tourist is permitted to say fugeddaboudit as an imitation of Brooklyn dialect. You wanna hear people say fugeddaboudit? Hop a PATH train to Jersey. You'll be in heaven.
------
So, what would you like to see instituted this month?
posted by Mom101 at 4:36 AM
50 Comments:
Oh, my.
First, this is scary, since I have spent part of the day coming up with a similar list of things I would like help enforce with the witty gun-pointing logo.
Second, you are too damn funny.
I think anyone who has experienced the narcoleptic properties of the first trimester will understand. All is forgiven - but please do keep the posts coming at your leisure. (Ha. Hahaha.)
Orlando. Goddamn. I could do with a bit of that just now. Have fun, be safe...
how about ThaYoTeaMo (Thank Your Teachers Month)? this is a broad concept, giving the students a lot of choice in what, exactly, they can be expressing gratitude for (ooh, dangling preposition). specifically, tomorrow, i'd like to see a "Thank Your Teacher for Spending Hours of her Saturday AND Sunday Grading Your Lame-Ass Attempts at Essays Instead of Resting and Maintaining her Sanity." i'm not sure we can find an easy way to abbreviate that, though.
How about NoMoAbrvWrdz Month? I'm getting a headache even trying to read "NaBloPoMo" (although, now that I've tried, I keep hearing it with a comma put between Na and Blo and then it becomes vaguely dirty in my head).
UsYoTuSigPinMo
(Use your turn signals pinhead month.)
GeoCloBloMeMo
(The first two words are George Clooney.)
Great post
DonFuCloMaSkoMo -- Don't fucking close my school month. The school board votes in 11 days. Child's school is on the chopping block. I love America and it's wholehearted support of public education.
*snort* -- love these.
For DC, I'm thinking StuFuStrMaMo -- Study a F*ing Street Map month. I'm tired of almost getting run over by tourists and/or locals who don't seem to know how to drive around here.
Ha ha ha ha....GREAT entry Liz...and geez woman - don't be so dang hard on yourself!
Karen
xo
NaJuSaExMeAlMo - National "Just say 'excuse me' already month." For people who bump, mash, cut off, and do other rude things without any acknowledgement whatsoever.
TuYoFuCaSteDoMo - Turn Your Fucking Car Stereo Down Month
ThiMeeIsNoReNeMo - This Meeting Is Not Really Necessary Month. Give everyone a break if you schedule a meeting and then figure out you don't really have anything to say. Cancel it instead of using the time to apologize how unready you are.
WoGeOrFiMo - Woman Gets to Orgasm First Month. No matter what. It's only fair, one month out of the year, right?
WeGoYoLiRaMo is definately my favorite and think we should make it WeGoYoLiRaYr (as in year!). You are too funny!
NoMoWiMo- no more whining month. I would love a whole month in which I do not hear one of my kids whining about anything. Heck I would settle for one hour whine free.
First, can I say that despite all those very valid points, I miss New York more than ever?
I'm totally down with NoMoWhiMo - thanks Awesome Mom!
I'd also dig NevEnBotWiMo - Never Ending Bottle of Wine Month.
And FreMaiFoMoMo - Free Maid For a Month Month.
And SleInTilNooMo - Sleep in 'til noon month.
And ChocRaFroSkyMo - Chocolate raining from sky month.
I'm sure I will fall asleep tonight thinking of more wishes and their associated abbreviations.
Oh, Liz, you crack me up!
I was thinking it needed to be NaBloCoMo, as in national blog COMMENT month, as in everyone who reads any blog has to comment, even if it's just to say hi.
How about ... ShuHeUpDoTeMeWhaDoMo ... shut the hell up and don't tell me what to do month, which is especially needed for all the moms of small children out there who get about 15 masterful pieces of unsolicited advice on child rearing per day, such as, "you need to wash his hair with bananas" or "stop feeding him bacon grease" [sic] ... KWIM? (or maybe TuOYoWoVe month, turn off your word verification because ... oh just because).
Liz, loved yours!
How about:
KeYoSiChiHoMo. Keep Your Sick Child Home Month! As in not sneezing, spewing and coughing in my kid's face in public play areas/library kids' sections.
Lisa
This is just too funny! I'm going to second every single one proposed when it comes to vote. I can't even think of anything new to add! You guys are good!
Well, I thought about doing NaBloPoMo, but then I did what I did when I thought about writing a novel last November - I rolled over and hit snooze.
I would love to do it, but unfortnately life and other projects keep interfering.
I feel your pain.
Since it is all about me, of course, how about TaSingMoToDinMo. Take a Single Mom To Dinner Month. Every day someone else (whose either single or married), male OR female, can take a less fortunate if she feels that ways, single mom to dinner WITHOUT her kids. Which would also have us institute BSMo, which would not be Bullshit Month, but Babysitting Month, where all babysitting would be excellent, free, reliable, and available at all times.
Ya with me?
Liz, make everyone who has submitted their own variations to this post sign releases, promise them credits in the Thanks To and get yourself a book deal with your premise. Open it up to the blog world as a contest and promise them a free copy of your book. It is a hilarious idea and I only say that when I wish I would have thought of it myself. Make it a little checkoutcounterbook.
NaBuShriMo. National Butt Shrinking Month. Please?
Now this was a cool post. I've laughed harder than I thought today! You rock Mom-101!
yah... these things are so much more fun in theory... I was trying for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month that started it all) and it's day five and I have exactly two words written...
I think I'm dropping out of that one... So much for the novel aspirations...
NaGroSpiMo - National Grow a Spine Month, to help people to get the courage to step up and move on
NaUnWriEmMo - National UnWrite an Email Month, so that you can take back an email that you really, shouldn't have sent
Brilliant topic, Liz!
Funny! Maybe if there were prizes, the cab drivers just might...
Meanwhile if I weren't totally out of the loop, I would have signed up for the blogging thing... and I don't even have pregnancy to blame.
youre too funny... i loved this post!
i remember the preggo naps! i fell asleep everywhere! even standing up ...i couldnt get enough. i vote for TakeItEasyCuzyoudeserveIT month :)
I love it!
I'd like this to be:
RepOuConYr
Republicans Out of Congress Year!
Nothing would make me happier!
Hal
CleAfDoBraMo - HILarious! I've often thought the very same thing. Those are the kind of people who give dog owners a bad name. Freakin' idiots!!
We got it, you like rap.
Still giggling at that one!
GeYoDaAsHoMo-Get Your Damn Ass Home Month.
This applies to both my beloved husband who thinks it's acceptable to see his wife and kids for 48 hours every 30 days and to my sister who takes four hours to get home from work every night. While I watch her seven month old son. And change his shitty diapers.
And she only works 40 minutes away.
Brilliant post Liz.
I hereby nominate this post and the comments for Funniest Damn Post for November. Which blogger does that again?
Suebob's WoGeOrFiMo made me snort out loud, so did GeoCloBloMeMo-whahahaha!!! I'll have to think about this one, although Michigan desperately needs DoElDiDeVoMo, which stands for Don't Elect Dick DeVos Month. He's the cofounder of Amway, and he's running for GOVERNOR. I may have to move to Canada.
Personally as an Ohio resident, I need a:
DeTaBaOHMo
(the Dems Take Back Ohio Month)
ROFLMAO! These are all awesome! Suebob, I think you're my hero. Hahah!
My vote is for SaThaSoHoDoMo.
Hee! Love that loofa reference.
Oh, those pesky full-time day jobs. Have fun in Orlando! :)
I was thinking NaToPoTraMo ~ National Toddler Potty Training Month, where the toddlers just know what to do and do it.
I actually really like the NaBloCoMo (national blog comment month). I might just start doing that anyway, even if it's just to say hi.
Hi, Liz!
Yes! Yes! Yes to the say thank you when someone holds the door open one!
LeLaFaRiLaSoMoFoMo...
Left lane fast, right lane slow, motherfucker! Month
My favorite (not mine but Joyce's from Chronicles of Blunderview) is: GoYaMoFo. Kind of a "you go girl" with some teeth to it!!
Sorry, I can't come up with anything because I'm too busy trying to determine whether I have any loofahs hiding around my house. I need to burn them, you see, in case Bill O'Reilly is ever within 150 miles of me. Ugh. That was definately a picture that I did NOT want in my head.
Great stuff! LOL! I'll have to come back once I get an idea. My creative brain tends to be a little fried at the end of the day.
hehehe love them all!!!
I so could not make the commitment to post everyday while pregnant!
I'm all for all of them. Loved the idea of standing for pregnant women and saying thank you when someone holds open the door.
Maybe we could do WhoWhHsBaDeGoMo?Where, oh where, has basic decency gone? month.
LOL!!!
Do you know, the last time I was in NYC I was pregnant, and I actually did get a seat in a crowded subway? AND it was a surly looking teenage boy who gave me his seat. Go figure.
I'd like to institute MoTaNa month, in which Mommy Takes a Nap once a day.
Although I am 1 month too late, I would like, from here on out, have every other October be NaNoPoPhoCaMo. You know, the National No Political Phone Calls Month. Because a recorded celebrity endorser friend calling during dinner? Doesn't change my mind. Better luck next time.
I've been referring to it as NoGoBloMe month.
I'd readily endorse DoYoDaDi month - no, pervs, it's do your damn dishes month!
Outrageously funny! Just had to share this. Sign on the Belt Parkway on the way out of Brooklyn:
You are leaving Brooklyn
FUGEDDABOUDIT
No joke! It's really there!
LMFAO you crazy bitch.. i am about to pee my pants! LOL
ps- i hate the gun sig thing. hate it.
Chocolate-raining-from-sky-month gets my vote.
But I'd also take vodka.
Love this post and all the comments as well. The first thing that struck me was:
KepMyTodFroPitAtatMo
Keep my toddler from pitching a tatrum month. Now THAT I could deal with.
I love this! But mine is too short to bother acronyzing, so it's just plain old CanIGetSomeSexAroundHereMonth.
Oh yeah, and maybe
OneWeWiNewViMo
That's One Week Without a New Virus Month. That'd be sweeeeeet!
LMFAO - love your ideas for months. I would be up for NaBeSuOfYoDaFoAChMo. That's National Be Supportive of Your Daughter for a Change Month. Yeah. Nothing's changed since I was like thirteen. Bleh.
This is the funniest freakin' post I've read in forever. You're gold.
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