Baby Naming FAQ
I can't believe the degree to which people--lurkers even--have opened their hearts, minds, and baby naming books to help out a poor, disfunctional infant-namer and her contrarian partner.
I wish I could respond to each of you individually. But then I'd just feel guilty, like I could have spent that time coming up with more names.
So allow me to provide a baby naming FAQ to address some of the general issues:
1) Do you want to honor a relative?
I will tell you my options are limited, me being a Jew and all. While gentiles are blessed with proud, strong family names that pass muster in today's society, my people are sort of stuck with Irvings and Hetties and Hortenses. Still, we may have an idea or two.
2) Okay so give us the name - or at least the initial.
[edited to add: This refers to the name of deceased family member to honor - NOT the name of the child which we do not have]
Can't. Family reading. Warring factions. Montague/Capulet level stuff.
3) What about Kayleigh?
I regret that I cannot accept alternaspellings of names. It's not personal, it's just that they will revoke my New York City residence status according to city bylaw 188734.16.
4) I always liked names with lots of Ys where vowels should be.
I'm so happy for you!
5) Can't you just pick a name and tell Nate...tough? Hahaha
Um, no. It doesn't work that way around here.
6) But you're the one giving birth!
Stop making a good case.
7) That doesn't seem fair.
Welcome to my world
8) Do you have any favorite names from when you were a kid?
Debbi. Which is one more outstanding reason why 15 year-olds should not be having children.
9) Hey, I gave you like 7 great names. What about those?
I have 7 great friends who have all used those 7 great names.
10) Hey, I gave you a great name too!
Yeah, that was the name of the woman Nate slept with before me, also referred to as "the herpes scare girl"
11) Nate doesn't really want to name her Clinton Portis does he? He's being funny? It's a joke?
Yes he's being funny and no, it's not a joke.
12) I like the idea of a theme - Thalia and Clio is so cute.
Indeed. But unfortunately, an advertising creative naming her kid Clio is like an actor naming her kid Oscar. Only far more gross.
13) What does Thalia have to say?
She's sticking with Apple. She's been very consistent on this.
14) Hey, where'd my suggestion go? I know I posted one.
Take it as a compliment that I liked it. I just can't have any evidence of it anywhere, or Nate will kill the name - far be it from him to ever say his daughter's name was a suggestion from some blog geek.