2.08.2011

Wanted: Mom blogger beta testers. No, you won't get a free iPad.

Hello Liz! 

I'm part of the [Big Website] marketing team. [Big Website] is an online community with +6M users, dedicated to making the lives of moms easier and more enjoyable.

We'll be launching a new iPhone app over the next few weeks. We've selected a very small group of bloggers to be beta testers, and would love to have you participate. We know that moms are busy, so we'll keep the process short and simple short. Please note you will need an iPhone 3G, 3GS or 4 to participate.

I hope you can join our beta test!  I look forward to hearing back from you!



Dear [Big Website] Senior Marketing Manager,

Oh my gosh, I can't even believe you picked me. You picked me! In such a very small group of bloggers no less. I can't even imagine what I did to deserve this honor. Especially since the last time I corresponded with someone from your site, you were congratulating me on making your LIST OF TOP BLOGGERS that would appear on some buried page somewhere on your site, and all I had to do in exchange was post your widget on my blog. And then your readers would vote and pare down the list so I might not be on your LIST OF TOP BLOGGERS after all, but still. We had some really good, heartfelt conversations about that, and I think that we kind of had a connection there.  Did you feel it? Did you?

Or wait, as I recall, that's not what happened. Oh shoot, now I remember. I told you that your email hurt my feelings. It made me super sad to think that you really liked me and deemed me worthy of your LIST OF TOP BLOGGERS only to find out that you didn't really like me, you only liked what I could do for you. It brought back all these flashbacks to that one dorky girl in 7th grade who I liked, but who everyone else was only nice to because she had a swimming pool and her parents went away and left the kids alone on weekends. Didn't you hate those kids? Me too! So you totally understand.

I also told you that if I posted your badge on my blog that you would be in the company of 1) my own website 2) my best friend's book 3) women I love who have cancer. That is a very small group of bloggers too. So we are totally sympatico on the small list of bloggers thing.

Only come to think of it, I didn't ask any of those people to do anything for me in return. So I guess we're different in that way after all.

So back to this beta testing thing.

I know you're a big fan of my blog and all and deem me (sort of) a TOP BLOGGER, which is probably where you got the idea that I have lots of free time to beta test the iPhone app of a company I have no relationship with, and how doing consulting work for free just gives me that warm tingly feeling inside. You know, the same one you get when you volunteer with orphans on Christmas or throw yourself between a baby deer and a hunting rifle to save her life. But then I had a better idea:

I know you probably can't afford my hourly consulting rate, and clearly you know that "moms are busy," so maybe you could beta test some stuff for me in exchange.

Here are just a few ideas but I bet you could come up with some great ideas too. Or hey - maybe your 6 million readers could! Moms can be very creative.

-I need someone to beta test my new mop on about 1300 square feet of hardwood floors.

-I need a beta tester to supervise the creation and delivery of 39 hand-colored Valentine's cards by Monday.

-I could use a beta tester to try out the new laundry room on the tenth floor of our building. I hear the washer is now a front loader. Big news around here!

-Whitney suggested I have someone beta test recipes/fresh ingredients on my family at about 6.30 pm each night. I love that idea! (See? Creative moms. Just like I told you.)
 -I'd like a beta tester to try distracting my kids while me and the Mister get in some sexy time. Maybe even take them out of the house altogether. I will pay for the ice cream.

-I've wanted to beta test what it's like to have 6 million readers come to my blog every month. Something tells me this one is right up your alley!


Anyhow, I look forward to hearing back from you. This could be the start of a really great partnership. I really do feel a connection here. Or maybe that's gas.

Love,
Mom-101

---

thanks so much to schmutzie for including this in her five-star friday round-up.


67 Comments:

Blogger DeeTree said...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways - this was FABULOUS!

2/8/11, 10:40 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

You sent the email, right? I love this.

2/8/11, 10:54 AM  
Anonymous Boston Mamas said...

Oh the craptasticness never fails to amaze me...but I'm cheered by your response. :-)

2/8/11, 10:57 AM  
Blogger Mara from Motherofalltrips said...

Thanks for the spit-take. Do you think these folks would beta test some monitor cleaner for me?

2/8/11, 10:58 AM  
Blogger Danielle-Marie said...

Can they beta test my vacuum cleaner? Landon decided to decorate the carpet this morning by crushing his cheerios into it.

2/8/11, 11:01 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

I love you. That is all.

2/8/11, 11:03 AM  
Blogger tripleZmom said...

Bravo. Also, can you ask them if they would beta test a new toilet bowl cleaner for me?

2/8/11, 11:09 AM  
Anonymous jaime @ sandinmycoffee said...

ooh. while they're at it, could i get a beta test of the new afternoon driving route, whereby my nanny would retrieve all three children (at three different schools), get one to basketball, one to gymnastics, one fed and dinner for the rest of us in the oven so I can get home and gift wrap a Valentine's Day party box, pick up Vegan ingredients (from an Oklahoma grocery store) for the Montessori school party, and do laundry in advance of the next winter storm? because i'm sort of short on time but would really like to know if it actually works...

2/8/11, 11:15 AM  
Blogger Marinka said...

god, I hope there's an App for that.

2/8/11, 11:16 AM  
Blogger Mom-Friday said...

You must have knocked them out with this one! :)
I enjoyed your in-your-face response to their "offers".

2/8/11, 11:16 AM  
Anonymous DaniGirl said...

Brilliant! I'm chortling in a most unseemly manner.

2/8/11, 11:17 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

When I grow up I want to be just like you! :)

2/8/11, 11:36 AM  
Blogger Anna M said...

I hope you really sent this--CLASSIC!

You are so lucky.

2/8/11, 11:47 AM  
Anonymous SavvyMom said...

Hopefully [big company] will pass this message on to all the other [big companies]!

2/8/11, 11:50 AM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Oh my gosh... I love this. You are truly fabulous Miss Liz.

2/8/11, 11:58 AM  
Blogger Faiqa said...

Haha... so awesome, and YES. Also, please let me know if they agree to your beta test.. and then publish their e-mail so I can ask them do some beta testing for ME!

2/8/11, 12:03 PM  
Anonymous annie said...

If i ever get my very own marketing email can I just forward this? Thanks!

2/8/11, 12:31 PM  
Anonymous coffeewithjulie said...

You don't know me, but I'm giving you a big smooch for this post. LOVE it.

2/8/11, 12:34 PM  
Blogger Nicole Pelton said...

I'm very sorry to break the news to you, but I, not a top mommy blogger, got that pitch too. You are still very special, though :) I scrolled down looking for the free iPad/iPhone to no avail. Darnit. I need someone to beta test my 1st grade valentine's party plan. Anyone, anyone?

2/8/11, 12:49 PM  
Anonymous carolyn said...

Well said. Well said.

2/8/11, 1:04 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Oh Nicole, I definitely think that puts you in the ranks of TOP MOMMY BLOGGER. From what I can tell, your top-ness is correlated with the number of pitches you get asking you to do work for free.

Congrats! Mazel tov!

2/8/11, 1:16 PM  
Blogger mannahattamamma.com said...

Oh crap you just reminded me about valentine's day cards for my kids' classes. Boys never remember stuff like that (it starts young, see?) and here I am with NO beta tester for that app! Dammit! But wait. You're a MOM, for pete's sake. Aren't you supposed to work for free? For anyone who asks? No? Hmm. I think I need to re-read my mommy contract.

2/8/11, 1:30 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

::click imaginary like button::

2/8/11, 1:33 PM  
Blogger AlyGatr said...

Love. That's all I have to say about that

2/8/11, 1:45 PM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

Brilliant. Please send it to them.

I'd like to have someone beta test snow blowing my dam driveway and sidewalk again.

2/8/11, 1:49 PM  
Anonymous Tracy Ellis said...

Absolutely freaking brilliant. Kudos to you! I really hope you sent it.

2/8/11, 2:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loved it!

2/8/11, 3:00 PM  
Blogger Sweet Marie said...

Please tell me you did actually send this e-mail. Hilarious!

2/8/11, 4:09 PM  
Blogger Lori Lyons said...

You know, you mess with a sharp-witted blogger, you gotta expect a response like this. Awesome.

2/8/11, 4:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Self-absorbed much? Just say "No, thanks!" and move on. Sheesh.

2/8/11, 4:16 PM  
Blogger Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

But wait. My favorite is when you get that same email TWICE.

2/8/11, 4:17 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

"Anon"

I say no thanks 99/100 times.

Every so often I remind other bloggers that it's okay for them to say no thanks too, by posting about it.

Hope that's okay with you.

2/8/11, 4:28 PM  
Blogger Karo said...

Hahaha, good one, I hope you sent that to them!

2/8/11, 9:32 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Yeah see the thing is, someone will beta test for free and so we'll continue to get requests like this. Every time I turn down one of these "fabulous opportunities," or rather, take the time to respond with my fees structure, I see 10+ other bloggers all over it. Thanks for the reminder.

2/8/11, 10:12 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Love LOVE this and you. I always wonder if the writers of these beta testing emails actually have a mother. God forbid if they ARE one.

2/8/11, 10:56 PM  
Anonymous PopMommy Pam said...

Please say you hit send??

2/8/11, 11:44 PM  
Blogger Mommy Cracked said...

Best thing I've read all day.

2/8/11, 11:59 PM  
Blogger firstwivesclub said...

nyahahaha! this post made my day! :)

2/9/11, 3:06 AM  
Anonymous Paula/adhocmom said...

Liz, any chance you would consider sending her to my place after she finishes your list? We're moving, and um, frankly, I don't like packing. Or maybe she could just send along her team of TOP INTERNS????

2/9/11, 8:39 AM  
Blogger The Mommy Therapy said...

I so loved that someone felt the need to call you self absorbed for writing about a situation in your life, from a comical stand point, on YOUR own blog.

The post was great....and a good reminder to everyone, non bloggers too, that you don't have to do something just because a huge company asks you to do it. It's sort of important to think about why and what it means to you and what it "costs" you.

Thanks for the giggle.

Oh and thanks to you too anonymous grumpy reader!

2/9/11, 11:16 AM  
Blogger Gray Matter said...

If I were a top mommy blogger not only would I get awesome opportunities like this, but I'd have something far mor clever to say than, Bwahahaha, ROFL, LOL!!!!

2/9/11, 11:43 AM  
Anonymous Velma said...

Oh, how I yearn for a beta tester of my very own! Thanks for the laughs - this was great.

2/9/11, 12:24 PM  
Anonymous angelica said...

seriously who *are* these people????

2/9/11, 1:31 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

Hahaha! Hilarious. And I feel your fury. Before I even read your response I thought, "So wait...they basically want her to work for free." So. Annoying.

2/9/11, 1:49 PM  
Blogger Sarahviz said...

*standing ovation*

2/9/11, 2:52 PM  
Anonymous Joey Fortman said...

VERYYY FUNNY! Can I use that line next time I get one of those?!?!? lol

2/9/11, 4:21 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Well played, Liz.

Also? If they do come through with the beta testers, let us know. I'm sure some of us could use a beta tester, too. I know that I would love it if someone would beta test re-grouting my tub enclosure.

2/9/11, 4:44 PM  
Anonymous Asha {Parent Hacks} said...

LOVE.

2/9/11, 7:01 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I so want to say some witty but, I have nothing.

Good gravy lady, I adore you.

2/9/11, 7:56 PM  
Blogger Elaine A. said...

YOU are a marketing genius!! But I'm guessing they haven't gotten back to you yet, huh? ;)

Hilarious.

2/9/11, 10:51 PM  
Anonymous From Belgium said...

The only thing that keeps me from rolling around on the ground while convulsing with laughter is the fact that I am in the office and must keep up a semblance of dignity...
Love it!

2/10/11, 3:30 AM  
Anonymous Kami said...

Your best friend really did write a great book! Mine makes excellent pastries. Aren't best friends awesome? (That was the point of this blog post, right?)

2/10/11, 9:58 AM  
OpenID toddlerplanet said...

Oh, my sides. this is awesome.

I need a beta tester for my laundry. Definitely.

2/10/11, 11:09 AM  
Blogger MsJoanie said...

poor Anon who thinks you should say "no thanks" and move on. No one told her when she accepted the PR Coordinator job at the big marketing firm, that she'd have to learn how to understand sarcasm and listen to constructive criticism every once in a while...

2/10/11, 5:20 PM  
Anonymous elizabeth said...

You rock. Period.

2/10/11, 8:17 PM  
Blogger Schmutzie said...

http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2011/2/11/five-star-fridays-137th-edition-is-brought-to-you-by-maya-an.html

2/11/11, 1:35 AM  
Anonymous early years resources sam said...

Haha!
No ipad :(

2/11/11, 9:31 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Love this.

Also, if you can spare I need someone to beta test getting the 3 inches of ice off of my driveway so I don't fall on my arse anymore when I take out the puppy.

Or better yet, a beta tester to take out the puppy on the icy driveway, if they want to get beta tester for the ice removal that's okay with me.

2/11/11, 11:46 AM  
Blogger michael moebes said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2/11/11, 12:00 PM  
Blogger Muskrat said...

You didn't even let her tell you what the app was? What if it turned poop to gold?

2/11/11, 12:01 PM  
Anonymous April said...

Dear Anonymous {from 2/8/11 @ 4:16pm},

Next time you're going to leave a comment with an opinion on someone else's blog real estate ~ at least be respectable enough to leave your REAL identity.

Oh, wait! You must be the author of the beta testers pitch.

Well, in that case ...

Thank you for my email too! I was over joyed when I saw the subject line! You clearly read my blog and have gotten to know me well enough to offer me such an amazing opportunity!

Because if you did actually read my blog, you would know ... I'm a PC & my phone is a Droid.

Hmmm, tell me again how I can "beta test" your app?

Oh, and keeping the harmony of this fantastic community ... I need a beta tester to see if my entire house can actually be clean at the same time.

Should we trade?

2/11/11, 12:32 PM  
Blogger Loukia said...

Heehee... (You're awesome).

2/12/11, 9:23 PM  
Anonymous jyl johnson pattee said...

Hi.Larious!

Your beta test list was my fave part of this post and got me thinking about everything I, too, need beta tested. Now only to find some willing participants!

2/13/11, 1:30 AM  
Blogger NYC Single Mom said...

fantastic, love it

2/16/11, 4:16 PM  
Anonymous stephanie smirnov said...

Yeah, so I'm getting ready to road-test my new "Pissing Off Important Bloggers and Giving Marketing a Black Eye" strategy, I wonder if they could beta-test it?

Oh...wait.

2/17/11, 1:48 PM  
Blogger Stephanie Manner Wagner said...

Perfect! You don't mind if I beta test your letter in the post on other companies do you?

3/9/11, 3:32 PM  
Blogger ShelleyLynn said...

Right on! Posted this for discussion on my facebook page www.facebook.com/questionmoms. We pay for all feedback.

3/10/11, 3:18 PM  

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