Guess Where I Am...

Hello. Over here...no right here...here I am!

I know you didn't recognize me in these Gucci sunglasses, especially since it's nighttime and all, but it's part of the uniform here in LA. Oh yes, I'm back in LA. It's been a whole week since I was last here here on business, which was like two weeks since the previous trip, which was a good two weeks since the one before that, and so I figured I was overdue for another trip.

And as luck would have it, I'm staying in the very fabulous the company gets a corporate rate so you have to stay there hotel.

Wanna know just how fabulous it is? I'm blogging from the hotel lobby. I know! SO fantastic. Because after waking up at 5 am New York time (that's 2 am LA time for those bad with the time zone thing), making the 8 am flight, landing at 11, going directly to a five hour meeting, then heading back to the office for another hour, I just really don't want to go to my room. I have absolutely no interest in kicking off my boots that I've been wearing for 18 hours, putting on a bathrobe, ordering a grilled cheese on sourdough from room service, and watching pay-per-view. Not one bit. Which is why it works out just perfectly that the hotel's entire computer system is down and they can't check me in to begin with.

Really, I couldn't have asked for more auspicious circumstances.

In fact, were I to be in my room right now, I would never have been chatted up by a guy in a nametag and coke bottle glasses who's like central casting for a pedophile in the Lifetime movie-of-the-week. And I'm telling you folks, until this has happened to you, you just haven't lived.

And what's more, the complimentary drink that the desk clerk didn't offer me? Delicious. Pinot Noir is my favorite. And the free suite upgrade they didn't offer me? Spectacular, or so I've been told. The room is spacious and the views unparalleled.

I'm all about this hotel. I've been here an hour and already I know I'm coming back and bringing friends.


Update: I am in the room. It is the "pre-renovated" wing, as Sean the bellman informs me. However my (crankiness) displeasure is dampened both by the non-complimentary glass of Pinot Noir and the fact that this is the room Joe Pantoliano stays in when he's here.

Me and Guido the Killer Pimp. That's two degrees, ladies.

Oh yeah.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would never have been chatted up by a guy in a nametag and coke bottle glasses who's like central casting for a pedophile in the Lifetime movie-of-the-week

I totally KNOW that guy!

Sorry for the roomsuck. Hope the week goes wicked fast :)

4/25/06, 12:59 AM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Man, the least they could have done was give you a drink. Shoot. Hope your week gets better....

4/25/06, 1:11 AM  
Blogger Romancing Simplicity said...

Thank you for the nice encouraging comment on my blog =) I'll definitely have to start commenting now!

Maybe the hotel staff realized the difficult situation you were in and they were just saving you from the misery that could be the hotel bar. Possibly the grilled cheese sandwich on sourdough that you did not have the opportunity to order was complimentary.

Hope your trip looks up sometime soon!

4/25/06, 1:30 AM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Hollllaaaaahhhhh! I know you're probably way busy but if you come up for air... hee.

4/25/06, 1:58 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

You've just described 98 percent of the hotels I've EVER stayed in. Well... without the Joe Pantoliano rooms... that I know of.

4/25/06, 2:17 AM  
Blogger Juli said...

Thanks for your nice comments on my blog. Visit me in NZ--I'm living near a region that's making amazing pinot noir. Although after a day like yours, I'd be just as happy drinking cooking sherry.

4/25/06, 5:08 AM  
Blogger zinalasvegas said...

Oh. My. Girl, I'm on the plane today and if it makes ya feel better, I'll be staying in the hotel where The Butch LeFavres put up Aunt Sally when she comes to Buckhead.

I've already Googled a panoramic view of my upcoming room. I might have to hitchhike into downtown Hotlanta for some ripple, hold the Pinot!

Happy trails gal...

4/25/06, 7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sending you a virtual complimentary glass of wine and hoping you had a good night's sleep. Hope the trip goes quickly for you!

4/25/06, 7:50 AM  
Blogger Builder Mama said...

Oh my. Sorry about the major hotel suckage...I would have to say that it happens to me ALL THE FREAKING TIME so I feel your pain. On our honeymoon, our luggage got lost AND the resort had us booked for the wrong week too. The airlines always lose my luggage, even if I have a direct flight. The hotel will put us in the absolute worst room with a lovely view of the dumpster and at least a dozen creepy crawly creatures.

I never had these problems until I met my husband, so feel free to use him as a scapegoat if you want to. Really.

4/25/06, 7:52 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Take the flirt from coke-bottle glasses as an indication of your beauty and desirability. Just picture him as looking like someone else!

It sounds like you're holding it together much better than I would have. Hang in there!

4/25/06, 8:03 AM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

Geez, sounds like we are all missing out on a "wicked good" time out there!
Hope it gets better...guess it can only go up from here.

4/25/06, 8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Only in LA.

4/25/06, 8:41 AM  
Blogger DaniGirl said...

My new silver lining to any crisis or downturn is 'at least it makes good blog fodder.'

I mean, we really wouldn't want to hear about the free drinks and celebrity sightings and suite upgrade, would we? (crickets) Okay, so we *would* want to hear about that, too. Good grief, what the hell else did I do with my life before living vicariously through blogs??

4/25/06, 8:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wasn't Joe Pantaliano on the Sopranos? He must be doing ok- hope the room is extra swanky. But yikes- It's wierd enough knowing someone's been on the bedspread without having a mental image of them in your head.

4/25/06, 9:25 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Nerts to the hotel!

4/25/06, 9:36 AM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

Wow, you've got me really nostalgic for my travelling days. I am feeling so sad that I am forced to work in my pajamas from home. Can't get Earlygirl to bring me pinot noir without her spilling half on the floor, either.

4/25/06, 9:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How great would it be if the hotel actually marketed the room as the "Joey Pants Suite?" Replete with complimentary beret, Larry the Cable Guy movie posters and assorted Sopranos memorabilia! Wouldn't that be ghetto chic? Talk to management. Maybe they'll upgrade you to the Big Puss Suite!

Safe travels!

4/25/06, 9:44 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

My envy knows no bounds...

travel is so glamourous...

Good luck surviving!

4/25/06, 10:05 AM  
Blogger Tara's World said...

As a corporate travel agent I would go to the day manager and tell them that if they dont step up on the service you will call corporate and make sure your company no longer stays in that hotel. Just a bit of advice. If you need help with that e-mail me and ill call on your behalf

4/25/06, 10:20 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Soooo lucky! LA is like the MOST glamerous place EVER!! I just hope room service was still open when you finally got in.
Hey at least they had internet service in the lobby, right? *cringe*

4/25/06, 10:31 AM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

Sounds like your day is rivalling mine. But until you have the pleasure of cleaning a hundred pounds of rotting animal flesh from your broken freezer, I still think I have you beat.

But Guido the Killer Pimp. That's pretty close. Hope your week gets much improved...

4/25/06, 10:52 AM  
Blogger Julie Marsh said...

Is it the Mondrian? Chateau Marmont? Or, could it be, the Pink Palace?

Joe Pantoliano. Ralphie. The one that Janice shot and killed. Gruesome, dude.

4/25/06, 11:40 AM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Okay, just for the fact that you can be so freaking funny when I'd be crying in a corner is proof that you are actually not a nazi war criminal but a super human ... um ... like that chick from Aeon Flux (the original cartoon on MTV's Liquid Television, not the lame Charlize Theron hollywood version).

4/25/06, 12:21 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

ROFL...please don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes when I'm wondering if I'm wasting my life and should be out there doing something "important", your posts make me feel better. I still totally envy your career, but these posts asuage that envy somewhat. For the sake of my psychological well-being, please keep them coming.

And say hello to Sean for me. ;?)

4/25/06, 12:58 PM  
Blogger texas math said...

next time you have this happen to you...act a fool right in the middle of the lobby...they'll put you in a room so freakin fast just to shut you up...or have the cops come and arrest you..either way you'll have your own bed/cot in no time!

4/25/06, 2:19 PM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

have you got some quarters for the bed???
hang in there, lady!

4/25/06, 3:25 PM  
Blogger Carolyn S. said...

It's great that you have a blog to inject humor into the situation. I'd forest gumping my ass back to Pennsylania.

4/25/06, 3:34 PM  
Blogger Erin M said...

ginga beat me to the quarters joke, Dang!

4/25/06, 3:34 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Eek. Sounds like this hotel is being run by the airline industry.

Hope you can get some rest.

4/25/06, 4:14 PM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

Blogging from the lobby...that's dedication.

4/25/06, 4:18 PM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Oh dear. Thanks for sharing. ;)

4/25/06, 5:02 PM  
Blogger ms blue said...

Reminds me of a time I was sharing a room with a coworker and she kept insisting that the hotel show us another room that was better. Granted, all their beds had stinky oily spots on their headboards. Ick.

But hmmmmm... sourdough...

4/25/06, 5:46 PM  
Blogger Perstephone said...

Eeek! I'd be hanging this one over my boss's head for a bit. Hope they have hot water in the shower!

4/25/06, 5:46 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Argh. Sounds like Helen A. Handbasket to me.
Hope you slept well and that your day isn't sucking today...

4/25/06, 6:08 PM  
Blogger Chicky said...

Hmmm...that's you, to Joey Pants, to Tom Cruise, to Kevin Bacon! Holy Crapcakes woman, that's only 4 degrees!

Welcome back to our neck of the woods...well, I'm wayyyy out by that mountain you can barely see thru the haze if you look east!

4/25/06, 7:00 PM  
Blogger Bethany Hiitola said...

It *could* be worse. Imagine--no Internet!

[I know, I almost passed out too.]

At least when you travel for work, you go somewhere fun. I head to Urbana/Champaign, Illinois. LA at least as celebrity sightings as a possibility. I get college students.

4/25/06, 8:09 PM  
Blogger Shalee said...

You poor baby! They could have at least have given you the wine to go with your misery!

I'm going to LA on Saturday. No offense, but I hope if I run into you, it is not at the hotel. I'd rather it be at a really nice restaurant with a great bar, with or without the Gucci shades... And the Pinot Noir is on me, unless of course your company would pay for it. Then they could foot that bill!

4/25/06, 9:32 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

My hubs travels alot too. But not to LA. To exotic places like York PA, or Racine Wisconsin.

You guys could be up for three days straight trading war stories.

4/25/06, 10:32 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

So sorry to hear of the travel annoyances. But you're still funny. :)

I like the Pinot as well.

4/25/06, 11:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband used to travel all the time. His problems were always with the airlines though! Hope your room doesn't smell at least.

P.S. Thanks for following my blathering comment on Amalah with a concise, to the point one. You said what I was trying to say, but I was too upset to say it right. Upset=diarrhea of the mouth. Wish you would have posted that comment first, so I could have said, "What she said."

4/26/06, 12:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's so funny that half of us are like "dude that sucks" and then the other half - us ole sahmmy sahms are like "sweet - Joey Pants sweet - can we come?"


4/27/06, 3:34 PM  

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