The Picky Eaters Club: Everyone's Welcome! Just Don't Bring a Cream-Filled Dessert

Mom-101, erudite New York foodie-type, restaurant whore, and cookbook co-author has hereby been bound, gagged with a quarter-pound of quince paste, and replaced with The Picky Child Within to describe ten things I hate (as instructed by Krista).

1) Touching food. Nate makes such a show of arranging all the gourmet vittles he prepares in a towering display, Alfred Portale style, and yet I have to pluck the beautiful slices of medium rare steak from out of the pool of herbed polenta (and wipe it off) before I can eat it. The rosemary sprigs can remain in the mashed potatoes, if I work really hard at it, but that's about it.

2) Milk in cereal. Cereal should be eaten crunchy, right out of the box as God intended it.

3) Beans. Garbonzos are tolerable if pureed, doused in tahini, and passed off as hummus. But refried beans? God help the Mexican restaurant expediter who scoops that excrement onto my plate. Especially if they're touching my enchiladas.

4) Root beer. Tried it, don't like it. Tried it again, still don't like it. I suppose I'm no worse for the wear having one more sugary, nutritionally-void item out of my repetoire.

5) Avocado. I want to eat it, really I do. I mean it's both expensive and high in fat--what's not to like? Answer: Avocado, which tastes like paste.

6) Tuna fish. The smell is kryptonite to me and I can't be in the room with it. If you are dining with me and order a tuna fish sandwich, I will ask you nicely to reconsider. If you persist, I will vomit on you when it arrives then stick you with the check. In fact, just seeing the words here are making me gag a little. Moving on...

7) Pre-made sandwiches. They're always soggy from dressings or mustard or mayo (which I also hate). I will sooner eat Chex Mix and a bag of Combos for lunch in the airport than buy a turkey club that's been sitting on that semi-refrigerated shelf all day. Besides, you don't know who touched it or how dedicated he is to wearing a hair net. Ew.

8) Fruit in cake. Cakes should be chocolate, vanillla, occassionally almond if you're feeling frisky. If you want raspberry in your dessert, order the damn tart.

9) Guinness. I want so very very very badly to like it, since all the cool girls do. They're also the ones who can play pool and bowl. Sadly, I'm not one of them. I'm the one nursing a Rolling Rock near the pool table, and I don't even look cute doing it anymore.

10) Meat in tomato sauce. It's the last remaining vestige from my vegetarian years. I wasn't a very good vegetarian since I still ate bacon. And Walter's hot dogs. And chicken soup as long as I couldn't see the chicken. And turkey at Thanksgiving. Okay, I was the kind of vegetarian who just didn't like meat in tomato sauce. Our voice may be small but our numbers are great.


I don't know who to tag because I always think if I tag someone they'll hate me, or if I don't tag them they'll hate me. So this is an opt-in tag. Feel free to find your alter ego and tell us ten things you dislike. However I would love to see toyfoto and tracey's take on hatred, if only because they're so upbeat all the time.


Blogger Jill said...

#1 on my list? Combos. What is up with that Mom-101? Combos are for truckdrivers, 10-year old boys and my husband. I expected better of you. ; -)

6/24/06, 1:04 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

O.K., weirdo, let me tell you a yummy way to eat avocado. Toast a slice of good French bread, spread a little avocado on it, sprinkle with garlic salt , insert in mouth and enjoy!

You seriously don't like guacamole?

Right there with you on the beans.

6/24/06, 1:16 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I'm with you on tuna and the fruit/cake combo. I HATE rasberry in my chocolate.

I have to admit I like a good pint of Guinness, but only if it is room temp. I know that makes me totally obnoxious, but it was one of my very first tastes of beer. At least I did live in the UK -- does that make it better?

I also LOVE Combos - the nacho chees kind.

6/24/06, 1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guiness coming out of the tap looks to me like when the plumber drained our septic tank. My husband loves it - but I'll take Coors Light or Corona any day.

6/24/06, 1:38 PM  
Blogger MamaChristy said...

You can I can't ever share a meal! You hate two of the things that make my life worth living: avacado and tuna (oh, and could not live without mayo.

Bloggitty friends it is then.

6/24/06, 2:34 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

Please reconsider the avocado. Sprinkle a little monosodium glutamate(?)-laden guacamole mix and mash it up for a salty, tangy delicious treat. Don't forget the fresh salsa (add extra fresh chopped cilantro if you like). What's not to love?

6/24/06, 2:39 PM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

Liver... Do you like liver???
I can not stand the smell... can not stand the look... can not stand to hear how good it is for you....
and what about blood pudding... what is that all about???
I am such a food junkie but I can not get over these or sweetbreads and tripe... YUCK!!!

6/24/06, 3:02 PM  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Me too on 2, 5, 9 and 10. And also marzipan - noxious sweetmeat of Beelzebub's cousin Crispin's patisserie, #666 Rue De La Vomitte, Culinary Torture District, Hell.

6/24/06, 3:03 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I am with you on a few. The toching for one. I used to make my parents crazy. I still do it, but now it is just my problem. And I don't even like fruit pies. Fruit is meant to be eaten raw. Cake and pies should not be tainted.

Explain this to me, because I have the same problem with tuna fish, but in sushi my absolute favorite is the spicy tuna roll. I have yet to come up with a good explanation.

6/24/06, 5:24 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Melissa - I'm totally with you. I just had two spicy tuna rolls myself yesterday. But that's an entirely different food than that shredded, foul, mixed with mayo nastiness that for some reason also gets to be called tuna.

Sam- for some reason, I pegged you as a Guiness drinker. Ah well, you're still one of the cool girls.

Meanwhile, who knew avocado could be so polarizing?

6/24/06, 5:30 PM  
Blogger Nichole said...

I hate hummus. I have tried to like it...seems everyone eats the stuff. BUT it smells like body odor to me. I like the taste when I hold my breath, but smelling it is a deal breaker.

(I used to hate guacamole...but I love it now and I'm not sure why...)

6/24/06, 5:51 PM  
Blogger Chip said...

OMG, you're the only other person I know besides my kids who hate milk on cereal. They eat it crunchy (which I have to admit is not bad).

On the other hand, Guinness??? Don't you know that Guinness is good for you?

6/24/06, 6:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our oldest son used to be ardent practicioner of #1...god forbid the food was touching on the plate. Food co-mingling would usually result in either total rejection or the surgical removal of the offending edges. I'm pretty much with you on the cereal thing...milk bugs me...Fruit in cake should be a federal offense as far as I'm concerned...no good can come from it...and pre-made sandwiches are totally scary.

6/24/06, 6:28 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

I'm with you on the avocado. Although, I do like guacamole. Go figure.

As for the Guinness, ew. I don't like it either. Its like drinking a twinkie. No thanks.

6/24/06, 8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

heheh great weird list!

6/24/06, 8:54 PM  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I used to get given Guinness when I had my period, "to build up my iron". I had moderate-to-bad PMS, so I think it's a Pavlov's dog thing.

In the Western Isles we got a wee nip of something for almost everything that ailed us. I grew up thinking Guinness was a nourishing meal in a glass with mysterious powers attached to it. Much like whisky and brandy. I've since discovered my parents were right about that.

But I still can't drink more than a girly half-pint of Guinness.

Avocados; never met one I liked. Too unctious by half.

6/24/06, 9:00 PM  
Blogger OhTheJoys said...

All 10, good by me.

6/24/06, 9:48 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Totally with you on the crunchy cereal, pre-made sandwiches and fruit in cake!!!
I do like cold milk on cereal but have to eat it super fast before cereal gets at all soggy. Always end up leaving half a bowl.My little girl has dry cheerios and a cup of milf for breakfast. My older two have dry cereal for the occasional snack while watching tv.
Yuck to soggy sandwiches.
I like cake, plain cake. No icing, no fruit. Hate raisins in scones and sponges.

6/24/06, 11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so, i guess that's a "no" on the Mexican dinner invite?

fruit + cake = unholy union. anyone who claims otherwise should be shot.

6/24/06, 11:19 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

Foodie, I am not. But I agree with you on avacados, touching food and milk in cereal. The Guinness, I have to admit, I love. But otherwise I don't like beer. And you are SO my kind of vegetarian, which I was, too until I realized my vegetable repertois was uncooked spinach, carrots and broccoli.

6/25/06, 12:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank the goddess that scientists found the "'liking food' gene. And the 'courageous eater' gene. And the 'scrunch your face at anything placed on your plate' gene. Honest. Look it up. That means that mothers are absolved of all guilt. Honest.

6/25/06, 7:40 AM  
Blogger yoo hoo said...

Rightie-O on the refried beans.....blech! The one food I SHOULD like, but can't stand the taste, sound, texture and especially the smell, banana's. I KNOW, they are the perfect snack food and good for you, but I have to exit the room, or it's projectile vomiting all around. Aren't you glad I shared?

6/25/06, 9:55 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Wow, I can only agree with you on the Guinness. And, actually, not even that. Confession: I've never had it. Maybe that should be #1 on my weird list, huh? #2 would be, I eat EVERYTHING but chicken bones.

6/25/06, 10:37 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Ditto 110% on #7. And the whole Guinness thing, woulda ditto'd that too, until I discovered that dark beer is the only type of liquor that I can drink more than a thimble of without getting pissed. So now I suck it up. Still can't play pool, though.

6/25/06, 12:12 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Meat in tomato sauce....Ew.
Pre-made sandwiches....Ew.
Fruit in cake....I'm with you there.

But the rest of your items, I actually like. (Don't hate me.)

6/25/06, 2:05 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I think you nailed it on the held -"mayo nastiness". That is the real problem with Tuna.

Sushi is way above that nasty crap.

6/25/06, 2:29 PM  
Blogger tracey clark said...

I'll do it, just because you called me "upbeat, all the time!" But, I guess I should take that as a complement?? Damn you anyway.

Do I have to talk about food stuff or do I have artistic blog- license to alter the meme or you want me to stick to "rules"?

6/25/06, 4:07 PM  
Blogger Stacy said...

Cereal without milk?? That's like cake without icing!

6/25/06, 8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel EXACTLY the same way about tuna fish.

6/25/06, 9:37 PM  
Blogger Erin M said...

have i told you lately that I love you?

6/25/06, 10:02 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Cereal should never be eaten with out milk!!! I thought I was the only one!

And fruit in cake .. now that's just plain wrong.

6/25/06, 11:39 PM  
Blogger kevin black said...

I have to pass you my chicken soup recipe sometime, because in my opinion it really isn't complete without avocado . . . and corn, and cilantro, and garlic, and parsnips, and carrots, and shredded boiled chicken, and if you're feeling bold a small can of tomato paste, and one of those packets of Mexican seasoning, and a bit of crushed red pepper and oh -- I guess I did just pass you my chicken soup recipe. Enjoy.

6/26/06, 1:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm, so do you hate me for tagging you?

I am totally with you on the ixnay on the fruit in cake thing. EEEwwww.

Chocolate and orange paired togehter? Equally disgusting.

6/26/06, 8:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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By the way, Just found your blog today and am enjoying it!

6/26/06, 12:05 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Okay, I'm a little iffy on the touching food too, but it depends. If my corn is touching my mashed potatoes, I'll still eat both. But if my salad is touching my jello (WTF? I don't make jello!) then I. just. can't. And DITTO on the refried beans. It's like shit in a can. Without flavor. Just don't put it on the plate. Or hide it under the ground beef. It RUINS the burrito, nachos, or taco. Yeah, the people at taco bell hate me. I don't like sour cream either. Sour and Cream together shouldn't be used to describe ANYTHING edible. Maybe I should be doing this over on my site. I'm dangerously close to hijacking.

6/26/06, 12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe I've missed a week of your posts. where have I been? I'm a bad blogging friend. BAAAAAD I say!

6/30/06, 12:35 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

I've never felt weirder for not disliking anything in my life. In fact, these are nine of my very, very best friends. I'm not including pre-made sandwiches, because those fall under a general category I call "crap," which goes along with artificially-flavored sugary drinks and shoestring potatoes. I do avoid crap. But I like the real food: beans and avocados and Guinness.

Oh, unless by "fruit in cake" you are actually talking about "fruitcake." But come on, who likes fruitcake? It doesn't even go under "crap." It goes under "doorstops."


6/30/06, 3:33 PM  

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