...I Asked Her For Some Happy News

Sometimes all the nefarious aspects of the Universe conspire to throw you a 300mph curve ball, just to see what you're made out of.

The answer is: Jell-o. I'm made of Jell-o right now.

Or, more aptly, some crappy generic store-brand gelatin--the kind that sits in the back of the dessert display in the school cafeteria lunch line under a dollop of chalky artificial dessert topping, feeling helpless and unloved and unable to change its destiny.

And so while I wallow in it, please forgive me for not making the blog rounds as of late. I'm worried that at best, I have nothing of value to add to any conversations. At worst, I am in just that kind of mood in which I could write something bitchy and rude and totally inappropriate. Like geez Liz, MamaOfFive just posted that her husband didn't do the dishes one time. You didn't have to call him a whoring, cheating rat bastard!

So I'm abstaining for now.

If I may ask (in exchange for the absolutely nothing that I'm giving you in return), if you can point me towards anything funny, I would very much appreciate it. A bad joke, a great You Tube video...anything that made you smile this week. Otherwise, I'm back to playing solitaire on Yahoo games.


Blogger toyfoto said...


This is circulating pretty heavily, so you've probably seen it. But it sounds like you could use a hug.

9/28/06, 11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


always cracks me up.

9/28/06, 11:49 AM  
Blogger susan said...


The video never ceases to make me feel more positive about life in general. Not sure if it's the music or the images, but whatever. Hope it gives you a smile!

9/28/06, 12:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's wrong? This doesn't sound like you. I hope the fog lifts soon. Check your mailbox, I'm sending a funny dog hugging baby sequence someone forwarded me.

9/28/06, 12:04 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I turn to animals when I find humans too depressing.

Photos of Disapproving Rabbits with very funny captions:

The kitty cat dance:

And a Tiny Animals on Fingers photoset:

9/28/06, 12:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please enjoy this story posted in the comments over at Julia's.

I have been tittering about it for days.

Hope you feel better soon.

9/28/06, 12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Weird Al's White and Nerdy.


also? my kids as little green monsters...funny. no? only to me? oh well...let's move on then...

9/28/06, 12:24 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

Is this about moving? Oh, dear... nothing's quite as bad as a decision already made. If it's any consolation, I think you're doing the right thing, the brave thing, and I admire you for it. I almost cried when I read this yesterday...

"I'm trying to choose my family over my city. My future over my past. My child, and her need to have two happy, united parents..."

I yearn for some little bit of your guts and clearheadedness. (Today's post notwithstanding.) You're doing what you believe, you're protecting your family, and so you can't be doing the wrong thing. And if it becomes clear that another direction makes more sense in the future, then you can always switch back, lesson in hand.

Anyway, I've got no funny stuff to send; you can read my favorite inspiration if you want, or just accept my best wishes for your coming adventure!

9/28/06, 12:26 PM  
Blogger Renée said...

have a giggle :)


9/28/06, 12:27 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

Did you read my titties story? Yes, I crack my ownself up. It's a character flaw.

Whatever it is, I'm sorry it's got you so down, and I hope that things get better quickly. You're a tough chick. Remember that.

9/28/06, 12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Confessions of a Pioneer Woman is always good for a laugh, sis.


I'm only occasionally funny, but I enjoy snarky remarks, so come on over :)

Hope you feel better soon.

9/28/06, 12:31 PM  
Blogger Denice said...

Sorry you're feeling so crappy! If it's about moving, I had a similar experience about 5 years ago. My then fiance, now husband, got a much better job that took us FAR AWAY from all of my family and friends, and when the decision was made I cried like a baby and was upset for weeks. But as it turned out, once we got there we made awesome friends and loved every minute of it. We've since moved on, but we still keep in touch with the people we met there, and visit often.

Alternatively, go listen to "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. It always makes me feel better when I feel like I am helpless and unloved and unable to change my destiny.

9/28/06, 12:41 PM  
Blogger KatBliss said...

I grew up in LA, now live in the boondocks outside of Sacramento, I miss the weather and the closeness of all things fun... beach: short drive, mountains: short drive, Palm Springs: short drive, Las Vegas: a little longer drive, etc. etc.

But we made the move for my husband, and my family. It was the best decision we ever made!

9/28/06, 1:05 PM  
Blogger Karyn said...


Well someone already gave you my youtube link so ... I've got nothing.

You can visit me at www.vexedinthecity.blogspot.com and read about how I stole my first ever box of tampons if you want to... I don't know if it is especially funny, but at least you can feel smug in the knowledge YOU will not be arrested for shoplifting tampax... ever....

Feel better. Meantime, invest in some Oreo Double Stuf.

9/28/06, 1:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe the story of how my daughter showed me how to use a tampon this summer when she was 16 months old.

And, if the story itself doesn't cut it, let me know and I might even send you a private email with the video.

Hope you feel cheerier soon!


9/28/06, 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Nothing beats Will Ferrell playing with cat toys...

9/28/06, 1:43 PM  
Blogger Jerry Grasso said...

seems like you poured your heart out in your previous post about moving to LA. You deserve a day or two to recoup. :-)


9/28/06, 2:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry you are down. Hope it works out.

Here's a little ditty about being drunk and on the rag. Classy! I know. Even better? Pictoral format.

You can wallow in knowing you have it more together even on your bad days. :^)


Feel better, sweets.

9/28/06, 2:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry you are down. Hope it works out.

Here's a little ditty about being drunk and on the rag. Classy! I know. Even better? Pictoral format.

You can wallow in knowing you have it more together even on your bad days. :^)


Feel better, sweets.

9/28/06, 2:21 PM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

just picture me, the other day, leaving costco and the cokes falling into the street. rolling left and right and i'm chasing them- literally telling CARS TO STOP or they might hit a fucking COKE CAN!!! save the cokes!!!! who cares about the kids, save the damn cokes!! LOL

then add me to your blogroll before i painfully hurt you. :)

9/28/06, 2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TextTwist is also fun.

Whatever it is, I hope you are feeling better soon.

9/28/06, 2:38 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

okay, in looking for this link, i listened to it again, just to make sure it still worked, and i literally had tears rolling down my face i was laughing so hard.


i walk around singing "or is it stalactites?" all the time, just cracking myself up. but maybe i'm just weird.

feel better soon, kid.

9/28/06, 3:09 PM  
Blogger Kelly Wolfe said...

I am happy to do this for a woman who has on many a day made me laugh when I was down.

I am sorry you are feeling that way, Liz. Don't worry, you'll get through it. You have some major shit going down right now with the move and all.

Check out www.varietyshac.com and watch any of their shorts. It is an all-female NYC-based improv/sketch group. So fucking hilarious. And yay funny women!!!

Best to You,

9/28/06, 3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, me too. Me too.

Mommy Off the Record> is doing ROFL Awards, but they won't be done until October 9th. I don't know if that's soon enough, but it's something.

You left a perfectly nice comment for me on my Neurologist's Wife story. I don't know if I buy the snarky you. I just can't picture it. But I feel you, especially this week for me. Blog apathy has hit me hard. So I commiserate.

9/28/06, 3:31 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Go here and watch this. Trust me on this.


I'm sorry you feel like Jello although it's an interesting description. I hope you feel better soon, cause I'll miss you.

9/28/06, 3:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry you're having some bad days, Liz. (Absolutely NOT a reference to that awful song.) I'm no ray of sunshine, but here's a link to my favorite store that I'm on my way to. If you were already living here, I'd pick you up and take you shopping there, with a quick martini stop on the way. Feel better soon.

9/28/06, 4:10 PM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

I hope you feel better soon, Liz.

Feeling like Jello truly sucks.

If you want to feel better about yourself, I've posted pics of me with a pillow on my head and other assorted gawky teenage pic...

Always good for a chuckle. And then maybe you can understand why my mom busted her stitches laughing at my school pics when recovering from a hysterectomy.

Wishing you joy.

9/28/06, 4:18 PM  
Blogger Scribbit said...

You may have already seen this one, but it cracks me up every time.


9/28/06, 4:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today's post at boob, Injuries & Dr. Pepper just had me rolling on the floor:
I hope you feel better soon! You're one of the people I turn to for funny!!!!

9/28/06, 4:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe nobody directed you to -


Read the most recent post and then go to the archive "The Dogs"

If sweet Leigh (and her troop of hilarious commentors) can't make you laugh - you have no hope!

Hope you feel better soon.


9/28/06, 5:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about a little Rhymes With Orange? She always makes me giggle.


9/28/06, 5:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought this joke was really funny!


9/28/06, 7:27 PM  
Blogger Stu said...

A turkey sandwich walks into a bar, hops up on a stool, and orders a gin, neat. The bartender leans over, and politely says "I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve food here."

9/28/06, 8:00 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I hope you'll be able to share it with us and let us be of some support for you.

In the meantime, you asked for funny, so here you go. http://www.jeeeb.us/ The Jeeebus statue (often called Touchdown Jesus, also) is here in Ohio, and people on this site did a fabulous job on him with photoshop.

And of course, if you're ever feeling down about your own life, just check out this guy: http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

9/28/06, 8:04 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

I hope you're feeling better soon. I just outed a troll on my site. I found her comments pretty funny. (capebuffalo.blogspot.com)

Crouton Boy (http://croutonboy.typepad.com/cheekys_hideaway/) always maked me laugh and he has a huge post with nothing but links up there now.

take care.

9/28/06, 8:48 PM  
Blogger Stu said...

René Descartes is on a plane back to France. The flight attendant asks if he'd like wine with his mail. Descartes pauses, says "I think not", and disappears.

9/28/06, 8:56 PM  
Blogger Girl con Queso said...

Oooooo. These always make me laugh...







That and drinking Dr. Pepper. Not sure why. Dr. Pepper is just funny.

9/28/06, 9:44 PM  
Blogger meno said...

Q: How do you circumsize a whale?

A: Four skin divers.

9/28/06, 9:55 PM  
Blogger Stu said...

How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

The fish.

9/28/06, 10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get the ketchup.

(My son's first joke, told when he was four. He thought it was hilarious. Don't ask.)


9/29/06, 2:19 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

If you don't have it already, go and get the cd, Bill Cosby:Himself. It is sure to make you laugh out loud no matter your mood. I'm serious, GO GET IT.......like NOW!!

9/29/06, 8:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The funniest thread I've read in a long, long time. http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2313180 I don't know how to hyperlink it, sorry! Lots of funny cat pics...hehe. Feel better!

9/29/06, 9:22 AM  
Blogger markira said...

Love Bill Cosby. Have to agree with kfk. As a matter of fact, I have the video, I think I might have to watch that today.

Feel better soon.


9/29/06, 9:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny picture at

9/29/06, 9:26 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

I just got this yesterday from my SIL:

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila andsalt and call me over !!!!!

9/29/06, 9:44 AM  
Blogger Ericka said...

sorry that you're feeling blue. i get like that in the fall. everything dies. it's a bummer.

at any rate, i would recommend watching jeff dunham's "arguing with myself" dvd. i laugh so hard that my stomach hurts the next day.

feel better soon!

9/29/06, 10:37 AM  
Blogger Vikki said...

Check out my blog to see the picture of the happy Barbies on a rooftop. It sure brightened my day!

9/29/06, 11:00 AM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

MommaSaid is always good for a quick pick me up!


Hope you come out of the funk soon. I hate it when that happens, because there's not a lot you can do except wait for it to pass.

9/29/06, 11:04 AM  
Blogger Girl con Queso said...

Two more treasures...



9/29/06, 11:07 AM  
Blogger Marcie said...

This is an old one but it always makes me smile. "Cuz it's all about the Hamiltons Baby"

Cheer up Woman:)

9/29/06, 12:04 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

shove over so i can wallow in that jello with you, will you? am attempting ways to shake a funk myself, so will monitor the suggestions closely.

9/29/06, 1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the latest thing that made me laugh was this:
I was thinking of posting it on my blog .. but I think you could use it more right now.

9/29/06, 4:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No need to go anywhere...maybe these will make you smile!

Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

9/29/06, 4:43 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

OK, well, you do NOT want to visit me. I'll make you miserabler with my own miserableness.

(Crossing eyes and sticking fingers in ears while snot dribbles out nose.)

So there.

(Hang in there.)

9/29/06, 7:21 PM  
Blogger Pecos Blue said...

these were all great thanks for brightening my week sorry for boging off of your site.

9/29/06, 10:02 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

My older daughter says I am to serious and I don't get jokes so.....

How about the Weird Al Yankovic White and Nerdy dis of Chamillion's Riding Dirty?

Sometimes we all need to wallow in a bit of jello. Hope you feel better soon.

9/29/06, 10:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope things brighten up soon. Sometimes it's nice to take a hiatus. I did it and I think it helped me...maybe...

I should shut up....I don't know what I'm talking about these days.

9/29/06, 11:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love all these video clips. My latest post happens to be from YouTube, too. Be sure to take a look.

9/29/06, 11:29 PM  
Blogger S.T. said...

I'm sorry you're feeling jell-o-ish.

Have you checked at the video posted at Halushki yet? It's some funny shit.

9/30/06, 12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm afraid the best I can offer is a laugh because you can't cry anymore. R.I.P. Habaus Corpus at The Show.

And before you leave New York, get someone to watch the Small Cute One and see some of the comedy stylings of one Dan McCoy -- http://danmccoy.blogspot.com/ -- support starving artists in the City-that-isn't-Fall-River-Massachusetts! ;)

9/30/06, 1:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Habeas Corpus, even. Sigh.

9/30/06, 1:28 AM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

Thank you so much for defending me over at Drowning in Kids. I really appreciate it!

I posted a really great YouTube over at Linkateria today. It is so sweet it made me get all chokey.

Playing solitaire is ok every once in while.

Pinkberry yogurt. You will have it in CA. It is like crack.

9/30/06, 11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm feeling much the same way. Hang in.

9/30/06, 1:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hiya! This cracks me up everytime I watch it- but it's my kid so I could be biased. :)

Pepsi or Dr. Pepper?

9/30/06, 5:00 PM  
Blogger Stu said...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9!

9/30/06, 5:15 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

Aww, you're not back yet? You must still need cheering up.

Tonight my son told a pretty funny joke. He has this stuffed bear he named Jack. Tonight as I was trying to put him to bed he kept throwing Jack in the air and squealing, "Jumping Jack! Jumping Jack!" and then falling over on his bed laughing.

Well, I guess you had to be there . . .

9/30/06, 11:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird."

10/1/06, 9:27 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I have no jokes, but I'll take you out for drinks when you get here.

10/1/06, 11:23 AM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Sorry, sweetie, I've got nothing.

Wait, I do have one really offensive joke that I heard on a sitcom earlier this week. Are you up for it?

"If girls with big boobs work get hired by Hooters where do one-legged people work?


Ooh, sorry, that was bad.

10/1/06, 10:25 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

It sounds like you need some chocolate STAT. And plenty of it. Preferably in some sort of martini.

Sending you a hug. My heart is with you.

10/2/06, 12:11 AM  
Blogger Lara said...

um, since everyone keeps mentioning dr. pepper (do you have an obsession with dr. pepper that i don't know about?), i guess i can send you to read a relevant post of mine from a while back:


i thought it was funny when i was writing it, but i admit you might just end up convinced that i'm insane. :-P

10/2/06, 1:16 AM  
Blogger Cristina said...

I'm starting awards for funny posts (the ROFL Awards). They'll be announced October 10th so that doesn't much help you right now, but looks like you got a few comments here with suggestions to keep you laughing.

10/2/06, 3:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found something really funny yesterday and now I'm realizing I didn't bookmark it. I'm off to find it for you.

10/2/06, 9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


These are the funny guys who did the YouTube "Mother's Day" video. Herewith are ALL of their collaborations. Enjoy.

10/2/06, 9:49 AM  
Blogger Namito said...

Not funny, but pretty interesting:


Taking miniatures one step further...

10/2/06, 10:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hon, you always have something of value to add! I understand about those curve balls... I hope everything is well. Take care.

10/2/06, 1:54 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

My "browsing the internet for funny shit" time is quite limited because I don't have a job, so I can't offer anything but I really hope you and Thalia and nate are okay! Please update soon so we know you're okay.

10/2/06, 2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

nothing you watch will be as silly and/or funny as these STRONG BAD emails/answers.

except, that is, for these episodes of TEEN GIRL SQUAD.

trust me... i know i'm late to this particular pity party, but i come bearing gifts of major-milk-out-your-nose-hilarity. that's *got* to be good for something. xoxo

10/2/06, 5:29 PM  

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