10.08.2006

New Rule

Cherished Readers,

Antagonistic comments from anonymous posters will miraculously self-destruct, with a priority given to those comments containing any sort of references to:

-The Lord and what he has in store for me

-"His word" (as opposed to the word of people who lived years after the death of Jesus but somehow managed to jot down "His words" and get that Guttenberg guy to print them up)

-Threats about my eternal soul vis a vis Feminism, Judaism, Darwinism, Weissbluthism, or my enjoyment of a good Blood Mary and a premarital schtup on the Sabbath.

-The Yankees' post-season performance.

Thank you,

The Management.


64 Comments:

Blogger gingajoy said...

cock.

(snorting quietly to self)

10/8/06, 11:50 AM  
Blogger Karen Rani said...

LOL @ Gingajoy...I got a spam email last week that only said cock. It was a real let-down.

10/8/06, 11:57 AM  
Anonymous LOD said...

I don't know how it happened, but I've disliked the Yankees and all they stand for ever since I can remember.

If enjoying this latest collapse is a sin, let me be guilty.

10/8/06, 12:11 PM  
Anonymous Chase said...

Jesus don't like it when you're sarcastic.

10/8/06, 12:14 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

I know what the Lord has in store for you, but I'm not telling. He and I are keeping everything secret til the big surprise. I will let you in on this part: everyone gets some really cool gift bags.

...gotta go, I have a date with a flaming shrubbery.

10/8/06, 12:19 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Whoa. And I missed your last few comment sections....must run to go see what the Lord has in store for you, me, and all the other feminists/Darwinists/Yankee fans...

10/8/06, 12:37 PM  
Blogger Recovering Wino said...

I just see it as this: the more nasty comments you have left in your comments section, the more you are reaching people and becoming successful!

At least that's what I tell myself while I deleted three idiotic comments last week.

Although send them my way, I would like to know what the Lord has in store for me because my life certainly is a mess right now:)

10/8/06, 12:41 PM  
Blogger J said...

I kinda wish I knew what was going on here, but then again...um...probably I don't. Good for you.

10/8/06, 12:45 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

As a fan of the team that swept the NLCS last night - the lesser known, lesser admired of the two New York teams - I have no need to taunt you. I'm too busy bathing in champagne.

Oh, and that other stuff? My glass house needs no new cracks from incoming rocks (although I'm giggling about the premarital schtup).

10/8/06, 12:56 PM  
Anonymous Momish said...

But, but, if you delete them then we can't have any fun. Don't you think it might be just a tad selfish to keep those pearls of wisdom all to yourself? (except for the yankee ones, those we can live without)

10/8/06, 1:04 PM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

Excellent new rule -- if commenters like those you've described can just worry about their own eternal souls, I'm sure the rest of us can take care of our own however we see fit, Bloody Marys and all.

10/8/06, 1:13 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

I just got caught up on your life, and after finding out that some momentous, not-necessarily-good thing has occurred, I want to tell you that I hope things are looking up, and that people who write off-color comments (and I don't mean R-rated - oh, hell, no. those are the *good* kind of off-color) can oftentimes, albeit definitely not intentionally, be incredibly funny. b/w that and weird Al, I hope you're feeling more smiley.

hug.

10/8/06, 1:15 PM  
Blogger Pattie said...

Wow, you had me shaking my head along with you....until I got to the line about the Yankees... *LOL*

10/8/06, 1:23 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Oooops...I meant NLDS. Just had to edit that before Jennster smacked me down.

10/8/06, 1:26 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

Oh, now I am sad that I won't get to read crazy nonsensical comments. They always make me feel so much better about my own social skills.

Unless they're on MY blog, of course, in which case, I delete them. Jerks.

10/8/06, 1:38 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh, hon, nobody needs to tell you your eternal soul is damned. You're a Yankee fan, a member of the evil empire, you're going to hell anyway. Why tell you what you already know.

:)

But at least your team made it to the post season. And if Steinbrenner has anything to do with it your hell will be really swanky and have good looking, well groomed men running around in tight baseball pants. As opposed to my hell which is a team that breaks your heart year after year.

10/8/06, 1:52 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

Mean people suck. But, having dealt with a large contingent of mean people for the better part of two years, I can tell you this:

A)Ignoring them really is the best way to deal with them. The thing that pisses mean people off the most is being ignored.

B)It's not really about you. People who behave this way are sad, bitter, sometimes mentally unbalanced individuals who need to lash out at others to salve their own misery.

C)Leaving snarky comments up will not sway people to their way of thinking, but rather illustrate *their* nastiness and intolerance.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Or, should I say, don't sweat the small minded.

And hell isn't so bad, I don't think. At least we'll be in good company.

10/8/06, 1:56 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

You should add anyone who tells you that you are a bad parent and anyone who tells you Thalia is anything but adorable. :)

Not that either of those things could ever hapen, but just in case.

10/8/06, 2:12 PM  
Blogger lara said...

man, i guess it's a good thing i leave all my yankees-bashing on my own blog... :-P

i don't know what the lord has in store for you or me or anyone else, but i hope it includes a bouncy castle and lots of milkshakes. :)

10/8/06, 2:53 PM  
Blogger bubandpie said...

Save a seat for me over in the Weissbluthism section of hell (I hear it's very peaceful and quiet over there).

10/8/06, 3:04 PM  
Blogger Queen Haline said...

OK. I'm dying to know what you are responding to.

10/8/06, 3:13 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

I don't know what this is about, but I'm hoping for a subway series. Sorry.

10/8/06, 4:02 PM  
Blogger ephelba said...

It truly is the best thing to ignore them, I know it's true, but sometimes, don't you just want to take 'em on? Because they can't reason, they can't spell, and they rarely know what they're talking about. You know that in a fair, judged debate you'd whoop all their tuckuses.

10/8/06, 4:50 PM  
Blogger Chrissy said...

AMEN!


Sorry, had to. LOL

10/8/06, 5:03 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

As long as you're not doing it anonymously LOD, be my guest. They sucked it up and good.

10/8/06, 5:15 PM  
Blogger KathyB said...

Man, now I can no longer comment. :)

10/8/06, 5:33 PM  
Anonymous aalize said...

I once laughed myself off my chair with the way the girls over at gofugyourself.typepad responded to nasty comments. It went something like this: "I can see you're upset. Let me hold you. I am quite dapper and smell fantastic..."
For good healing laugh read more here: http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2006/09/when_intern_geo.html

So I think the best way to deal with this is through humour and that thing thing that you're so good at - sarcasm :) Love your blog!

10/8/06, 5:47 PM  
Anonymous madge said...

This sort of post season is the kind that makes even the most die-hard fan want to hop the subway and enjoy a fair-weather fall.

Jesus said it was okay.

10/8/06, 6:21 PM  
Anonymous capacious said...

Hardly anyone ever leaves me comments, nasty or otherwise. I am counting my blessings as I weep, I mean type.

10/8/06, 9:07 PM  
Blogger Mazenbloo said...

Ha! This had me rolling. Of course until the whole part about the Yankees. See, I live in Michigan. Hehehehe!

10/8/06, 9:37 PM  
Anonymous ali said...

sabbath shtup is an awesome band name!

wanna start a band?

10/8/06, 10:13 PM  
Blogger Karyn said...

Dude! I'm a Red Sox girl! Jeeze... well, okay, what if I just don't COMMENT on the Yankees, generally... I'll just keep my dark thoughts to myself. Does that work for you?

10/8/06, 10:26 PM  
Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Crap. Now what am I supposed to say in the comments?

10/8/06, 10:39 PM  
Blogger Queso said...

Ha! Try being only half Jewish. One half of my body thinks the other half is going to hell. It's very annoying.

10/8/06, 11:08 PM  
Blogger jen said...

GOOD. I'll save my straight to hell and yankees suck comments for elsewhere.

10/8/06, 11:13 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

Aw, come on! What is a true diehard Red Sox fan to do if we can't gloat?

Go Detroit!

10/9/06, 1:53 AM  
Blogger Ericka said...

i'm a tribe fan. i'm afraid i must agree with mrs. chicky. yankees = evil borg. y'all are doomed. doomed i tell ya!

10/9/06, 3:01 AM  
Blogger Roola Lenska said...

Go Mets!!!!!

I'm sorry for you and your Yankees but there is another team here in NY. I know shocking, right?

Couldn't help myself. I will obey all rules from now on.

10/9/06, 5:45 AM  
Anonymous Alexa said...

By "that Guttenberg guy" you meant Steve, right?

10/9/06, 8:42 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Alexa: HA!!!

10/9/06, 9:27 AM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

God says that all cool chicks drink bloody marys and dig the Mets! PRAISE TO JESUS!

10/9/06, 9:38 AM  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Sorry to be off topic but I just found out you're moving to LA. (Haven't been blog-cruising for a while: life etc.)

Huzzah!

Now stop spewing your Godless filth, you inveterate Yankee-lover, and go obey your husband or something. The Lord won't have any truck with mothers who think, you know. It'll only make you think your spirit doesn't deserve to be daily crushed, or some such madness.

10/9/06, 1:59 PM  
Blogger Mocha said...

You probably don't think it's a good idea that I listen to the spam I got telling me to take a job in Israel, do you?

Consult your Magic 8 ball, think on it, and get back to me.

10/9/06, 2:38 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

As Dee Snider would say: "you're gonna burn in hell".

10/9/06, 4:13 PM  
Blogger David said...

I love this blog more than you know, but I ain't NEVAH gonna hide my baseball allegiances.

NEVAH.

NEVAH EVAH.

10/9/06, 4:35 PM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

I've always thought that the anonymous commenters who slung mud were the equivalent of drive-by shooters. Spineless folk who live a hypocritical life. Use one hand to slap you down for having an opinion while they use the other as a megaphone to broadcast their ridiculous views with another. Rock that delete button!

10/9/06, 4:45 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

The Yankees untimely demise was the lord's way of punishing you for your evilness/jewishness/feminism/cannibalist ways. Watch out. If you keep having that *sex* the Jets are going to be involved in a horrible plane crash on the way to their next away game. And that's not to mention what's in store for the Knicks (i.e. they'll have another season like their last one).

I crack me up.

But seriously, that's the lord's way of punishing you but rewarding me, a Tiger fan since pre-1984.

10/9/06, 10:16 PM  
Blogger Lena said...

Well. NOW your fate's sealed for sho.

;)

10/9/06, 10:54 PM  
Blogger Brony said...

Oh we all have our share of anon commenters.

10/10/06, 1:22 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Shoot. I never get fun anonymous comments like that. I want to feel the power of pressing the "delete" button and spitting a "so THERE" towards the computer.

10/10/06, 1:28 AM  
Anonymous L.A. Daddy said...

Oh, now I just got all sorta shades of confused - when you say, "His Word"... you're talking about me, right?

I think so. It makes sense. Yeah. I get that a lot.

Once "My Word" is more recognized, I'm sure to get my own Anonymous comments, too.

10/10/06, 1:55 AM  
Blogger Momma Bean said...

Oh, that's much worse than my commenters trying to get me to Buy! Something! after a truly genuine comment that my blog! is! so! enjoyable!

Delete.

And...
(whispering) GO TIGERS!

10/10/06, 10:12 AM  
Blogger T. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10/10/06, 11:51 AM  
Blogger T. said...

Since I'm too damn busy worrying about my own eternal damnation, I find I don't have much time to comment on yours.

Therefore, I will abide by managements stringent rules.

However,

Cock??

Too damn funny.

10/10/06, 11:51 AM  
Anonymous Dana said...

They so should have one. I'm upset, too. I don't normally watch baseball. In fact, I know nothing about the teams. I just preferred the Yankee's uniforms.

Okay and, my friend Tracy lives in the city and told me I had to root for them, so I did because she's scary when it comes to baseball! :)

10/10/06, 11:53 AM  
Anonymous CroutonBoy said...

Everyone knows that Allah, praise be to him, preferred the Tigers anyway.

10/10/06, 12:31 PM  
Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

My God you crack me up. (Okay, that first part was just to make sure my comment got posted.)

10/10/06, 2:27 PM  
Anonymous Jill said...

I cried a little at the loss of the Yankees... out here in Northern Cali, hanging out at the "Old Pro", where the cheers were LOUD.... I think everyone out here hates the Yankees.... I am the lone yankee fan .....

10/10/06, 4:10 PM  
Blogger LoriLaurieLauri said...

Excellent!

10/10/06, 6:17 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Regards to The Management. They're running a tight ship.

10/10/06, 8:57 PM  
Blogger Chag said...

I'm just glad they're keeping Torre.

Now if they can just get some new pitchers. Like Matsuzaka.

10/11/06, 12:43 AM  
Anonymous neva said...

as so (quickly) went the *ahem* Yankees... so too, the Dodgers. we feel your pain. xox

10/11/06, 1:24 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

If the Yankees had prayed harder then Jesus would have made them win.

Just saying.

10/11/06, 1:43 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Hey, hey, leave gutenburg out of it! He only printed what had been circulating for close to 1500 years already! In fact, he was part of what helped wrestle some of the power of the words out of the hands of the church by printing a vernacular version and making it more widely accessible for actual reading, at least by those who knew how.

10/20/06, 1:55 PM  

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