Habla 38.5 weeks?

Poor Nate needs an English-Pregnancy dictionary to understand me these days.

Oof! could mean the baby is squirming incessantly. Or that I'm trying to get up from the couch on my own. Or that it's just hot in the apartment and I feel like whining.

Ow! is a toss-up between "baby in the rib cage" and "time for a Pepcid."

Ow fuck, hold on means "major braxton-hicks contraction happening," but I'm sure in his semi-anxious state it sounds an awful lot like, "my water broke!"

And if I dare just close my eyes and squint, trying to breathe through one of the frequent cervix pummelings I've been getting, the poor guy is ready to make that essential peanut butter sandwich (the last item on on my must-do before hitting the road list), drop it in my hospital bag, and get me the hell out of here.

It's actually becoming sort of fun, gaging his reactions to my audible eeks and ooches and owies. For a guy who's just not a gushy, romantic dad-to-be, a guy who hates if I "make him" (his words) touch my squirmy belly, who's hard-pressed to even have the name discussion--I must say it's enjoyable seeing him spring to attention when I so much as exhale deeply.

Almost makes it worth the 24/7 discomfort.



Blogger Kyran said...

Oh wow, does that it bring it all back. I had almost forgotten what a cervical pummelling felt like.

That kind, anyhow. ;)

Thanks for the memories. Hang in there.

4/24/07, 8:20 AM  
Blogger Tracey said...

Home stretch, girl. Almost there...

4/24/07, 8:29 AM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

Boy....how I don't long for those days! The attention was nice, but...

I hope you are relieved of your (beautiful) burden shortly!

4/24/07, 8:34 AM  
Blogger slouching mom said...

Wow! You are so close!

I had to laugh at this:

a guy who hates if I "make him" (his words) touch my squirmy belly

Really, Nate?

4/24/07, 8:57 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

bwhahahahaha oh the things that we can get away with when we're pregnant! :-)

So funny!

4/24/07, 9:58 AM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

That sounds too much like my husband. During labor and after the baby is born he is super attentive and helpful, but while baby is still in womb, my ever moving tummy is a freak of nature. He is all about helping me out as long as it doesn't involve watching or feeling the baby move.

I hope you feel better soon.

4/24/07, 10:34 AM  
Blogger Amy Jo said...

Oh god! I keep forgetting that this baby is coming, like, any minute!

When my water broke with #1, husband didn't believe me at first. Probably because I had peed myself a week before and thought it was my water breaking. But only for a second! I had to spend 10 minutes convincining him that things were actually happening while trying to collect myself and all my stuff.

Good luck with the last 1.5 weeks!

4/24/07, 10:44 AM  
Anonymous Lysa with a Y said...

"Squirmy belly," and all I can think about is Alien.


Good luck, L.


p.s. We put in the air conditioner last night. Yay!

4/24/07, 11:12 AM  
Blogger cce said...

I ate gummy bears, watched The English Patient over and over and gave orders from the couch for the last two weeks of pregnancy. Now I suspect the Gummy Bear and Ralph Fiennes diet did nothing to boost my childrens' IQ's or Apgar scores for that matter. Peanut butter sandwiches may be the better bet.

4/24/07, 11:27 AM  
Blogger Mrs. D said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4/24/07, 11:34 AM  
Blogger Mrs. D said...

We lived on the third floor with pregnancy number four.. oh boy was I miserable. She was born in December so needless to say I avoided leaving the house at all cost, especially during the HOT Florida summer.

I so feel your pain.. I bet you have an awesome mommy glow going on!

4/24/07, 11:36 AM  
Blogger mammacheryl said...

My little guy was born 5 weeks early, so I didn't get a chance to experience the blissful hell that is the last month of pregnancy. :) I remember the cervix crap, though. I was so freaked out by that, I called the hospital in tears. The on-call OB had to calm me down and tell me that it was a normal sensation.

4/24/07, 11:41 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

And let's not forget the "Hey, stop that!" when the baby pushes a foot out so far that you think she's trying to break through.

Of course, my husband is so unsympathetic to any of those sounds. I guess I make them too much, so he thinks they're just normal. I could go into labor and he probably wouldn't believe me at first.

4/24/07, 12:35 PM  
Blogger movin'mom said...

WOW 1.5 weeks to go? I feel like I just read the post where you were deciding if you wanted to reproduce again.

...and here you are, with Braxton Hicks tormenting Nate with oohs and ows!
Are you all set? Besides your PB sandwich!
Have you written your fill in the blank post for when she's born? You know..because we will all be sitting on pins and needles to see what her name is!

4/24/07, 12:50 PM  
Blogger jennster said...

i had a dream about you last night, you crazy bitch! go to my blog to read it NOW ! lol

4/24/07, 1:26 PM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

It is the same thing with me and my husband these days!!!

The squirmy belly seems to make his turn, but I still "make him" feel it anyway; reminding him that this is a temporary thing (which he is usually the one reminding me of when I ow and oh getting up from the couch and all of the rest you described). I tell my husband that the baby will be here in a few days and grown up before we know it, and so, we need to fully experience these "precious moments" while we still can.

And he'll put his hand on me like he's touching a hot stove, and then go back to playing his video games.


Thanks for the great post.

4/24/07, 2:32 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I had to "make" my husband feel my belly, too...then he'd pretend he felt something so he could stop. As if I couldn't tell what was going on in there.

4/24/07, 3:19 PM  
Anonymous Liz said...

Owww, hold on - I think I've got sympathy gas pains, here - sending out all good cervixy vibes, your way ;o)

4/24/07, 5:15 PM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

just think of that long uninterrupted pee. the one you'll do after your bladder *actually fills up to full capacity* aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.....

(yes. i'm harping on that again. it was just so so sweet....)


4/24/07, 7:48 PM  
Anonymous Mrs. Q said...

Nothing like a screaming leg cramp to watch the hubby leap out of bed in panic! :>)

Have a good pal bring you a nice cold beer in the recovery room, to go with the PB&J. Hey, your milk won't be in yet, and it helps activate your bladder again. Sure it does. That's my story anyway.

Good luck in the next few weeks (days??!) Wheeee!

4/24/07, 9:00 PM  
Blogger mcewen said...

Free translations available!

4/24/07, 9:06 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

Holy moley, you're almost there already! Where does the time go?!?!

(I'll be asking the same question when I'm about 89.)

How exciting!! You're almost there...

PS: Just found out my sister is having a boy! Wheee!!! :)

4/24/07, 10:54 PM  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

You're nearly there, girl!

I wish you the very best of luck when the time comes, m'darling.

And then there were 4....

4/24/07, 11:11 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Jump to it dude! He's going to have three ladies to adore so soon.

Good luck with these last weeks.

4/24/07, 11:49 PM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

Enjoy it. This will be the only time that every twinge and grimace and deep breath causes all activity around you to CEASE as they await you to tell them how you're feeling.

4/25/07, 12:30 AM  
Blogger modmom said...

wow! you are seriously pregnant!
i'm so excited + happy for you!
you're going into labor any minute!
i hope you get as much sleep as possible now. go to sleep. nighty night.

4/25/07, 2:36 AM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

Great idea: Close captioning for the Gestationally impaired.

4/25/07, 11:46 AM  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

My best friend is now three days over DUE. And beyond the natural bitchiness this over-pregnant state brings, her poor husband has developed a nervous twitch. Every time she makes a noise or a sudden movement he is ready to usher her to the hospital.

She is having great fun at his expense.

I am quite proud of her. And for you too for tormenting Nate. We must find our fun where we can, while we can.

Good luck chicka.

4/25/07, 11:53 AM  
Blogger jen said...

hey there Mom-101... glad to hear you're hanging tough in the final stretch. wanted to leave you with a hilarious piece about our strange, strange world of advertising -- link is below. quite spot-on, don't you agree?


4/25/07, 3:28 PM  

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