A Staying At Home Mom. Not a Stay-At-Home Mom.

I feel like there's a difference between stay-at-home moms and moms who are home with their children. Me being the latter.

Freelance has been slow with summer here (any leads anyone?) and I've found myself home with the girls more often. Which is wonderful. Awesome. Fanfreakingtastic. That's what we're supposed to say, right?

I pass these professional moms in my neighborhood who just seem to have their crap together and their routines down (and their hair perfect and their kids bathed) and while we give each other The Kindred Stroller-Pusher Smile, I don't feel like I'm one of them.

It has less to do with me not having a Wall Street husband and me not having a grasp on childcare basics.

I still fumble through my building's front entrance and smash the wheel into the doorframe when I try to navigate the double stroller through. I'm terrible at getting it up stairs - I'm always that mom who kind strangers approach asking, "You need some help with that ma'am?" I forget to strap the baby in in the first place.

I'm always tearing through my diaper bag searching for [diapers, wipes, goldfish, water, crayons, binkies] and they never seem to be there. Or the ones that are there are filthy. Or broken.

Yesterday I was so proud of myself for remembering to actually grab a diaper and toss it into the stroller just in case.

It was used. Don't ask me how that happened.

I often find myself relieved when one kid is off having a special day with a grandparent or home napping with Nate. Two are three times as exhausting. Or maybe that's just because I make it harder on myself because I can't get organized.

Last weekend I went to a Kung Fu Panda promotional event with both kids and (after getting in a huge fight with the Masshole who stole my parking space and coming this close to slashing his tires) was so frazzled when I arrived I didn't even remember to get the stroller out of the car. Isn't that like the first thing you get after the children? The stroller? So there I am carrying my 19-pound pre-walker all the way to the event, then juggling her for an entire two hours while trying to wrangle snacks for Thalia and shake hands with other parents. At least the ones who weren't scurrying away from the sweaty mom who was offering twenty dollars if someone would just get her a beer. (Stupid kid-friendly party.)

Even after nearly 3 years of parenting experience and two kids to show for it, I think when I'm out in public with my girls I come across more as the hapless but loving sitter than the experienced mom. Even my sitter thinks so.

Do they have new parent refresher classes? Like continuing ed for moms? A GED for the breeding set? Maybe something at the Learning Annex? Someone should get on that.