Presenting The Spam Awards!

I don't get a whole lot of spam on Mom101. The occasional 8700 word punctuation-free diatribe of nonsense from an IP in Nigeria may stumble through the cracks, or some amateur asshat SEO type trying to get the CELL PHONE SHOP keyword on thirty different posts. Otherwise, pretty quiet.

But on Cool Mom Picks, since we started accepting comments - hoo boy, am I privy to a whole new world. Over 1900 snagged in the last two weeks. 20% of them from one guy.

Evidently spammers no longer write AHOY FOR YOU PRETTY STARFISH EAT CRAZY MUNGBEAN SUNSET BREAKFAST TIME which is fairly easy to spot (unless you're moderating comments off your iPhone from an opium den somewhere). Now the likes of Rosalva Brinkman and Ragnarok Zeny post comments that seem nearly authentic. The kinds of things you just might overlook:

Well, the post is actually the freshest on this laudable topic. I concur with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your future updates. 

It's almost as if they're counting on bloggers to 1) not notice or 2) be so desperate for warm fuzzies in their comments, that they'd be happy to leave it up; despite the fact that it is on a post about upscale eco-friendly baby cribs, links to a discount Viagra site in the Philipines, and is signed by a fellow named Gaylord Aliberti.

Um, here's a hint, Gaylord: If we're in the market for baby cribs, we probably don't need Viagra.

That's when I realized, spammers work hard!

They are easily the most underappreciated writers on the internet, sure to leave a literary legacy that far surpasses any of our own.  The provide an endless source of both enjoyment and annnoyance, a seeming contradiction generally reserved for our own children. And that's saying something.

So while I'm completely uninterested in the whole idea of blog awards, especially those determined by popular vote ("Wait, so that's the funniest blog ever? Or the blog that hired the most monkeys to sit at a keyboard clicking the radio button next to 'funniest blog' once a day, every day for three months?") I think it would be just dandy to solicit entries for the Blog Spam Awards. Brought to you by FREE IPAD and EARN MONEY ONLINE NOW.

I'm imagining nominees like:

Best Use of an Adjective as a Noun, or Noun as and Adjective, or Something Else That's Not Entirely Clear

Gucci is well-known for its high-end products,which are luxury and sexy.

I follow your master skill which gives many enjoyment

Various for writing about this. There’s very a bit enormously tech data on the internet. 

Hrmm that was weird, my heart comment acquired eaten. 


Most Enjoyable Mispeling 

Nothing like the nice hefty but of a girl

This is very good article, I am very interested in its topic and to rid them was a pleasure. 

Thank you for composting about this

Poor kid cant even spell proper right. Tsk tsk tsk... 

I will be back for the next installment although sum of these comments are killing me.


Most Unintentionally Wise

 I opine that to get the credit loans from creditors you must present a good reason.

The raw attraction moves execute amazingly effectively to attract the other sex.  

I wish more people would take the time to get some sort of self defense product like a Taser. They are easy to use and could protect you. 

Don´t ever give up and make your personal thing!

Gotta getcher lovin before tey start crumblin, thats what I've heard anyway.  

Most Transparently Flattering

I like the way you write. Your style is very smooth and I enjoy reading your posts. I'm headed to the dentist but will be back later 

Yo, like the article, keep the feeling going.

you look like a million dollars.you lood outstanding.

I just passed this onto a colleague who was performing a small investigation on that. And he really bought me lunch mainly because I discovered it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!

hello, superb awesome assembled article.

You write very detailed. Pay tribute to you.

I should say, this is not a horribly written piece. i honestly do not know why this obtained a 0.


Best User Name that is Clearly Not a Real Person

Wilford Achile

Sprzedaz Biznesu 

Jesus D. King 

Louie Vuitton

Skin Fungus

Carpet Cleaning Long Island

Fuckmeat


Prizes: The winner in each category gets a free link to the non-porn website of their choice (no-follow link only, sorry) on a site with a 2 google page rank, a case of Spam(R), and a punch in the face.

Any other categories we should consider? What's the best spam comment you've seen?