That's What It's All About (Hey!)

I've spent the last few days trying to sum up what was so special about the past weekend. (And this is the last BlogHer post! Probably. I think. Well...maybe.)

The friends - sure. The stuff I learned - blah blah blah. The panties on Catherine's head - okay, so that was pretty fun.

But there was something more for me.

This is it:


Thats me and my mom and my daughter on the right. And Kristen from Mommy Needs a Cocktail, and her mom and her son on the left. At a conference. Together.

Three generations.

I experienced BlogHer as a writer, a blogger, a professional, a business owner, a daughter and a mother all at once. And not one of those things demeaned any other. I think maybe we all take for granted how amazing this is. I mean, could you see Hillary Clinton standing up on the senate floor with a child in a sling and being taken seriously? Could you see Maureen Dowd flashing her boobs to an entire ballroom full of journalists to nurse a baby, without that being the hot topic of conversation for the rest of the day?

Kristen and Christina and Lindsay understand the significance of this; they had their children there too. Lisa Stone, who introduced me to her mother on Friday, certainly understands.

Bravo BlogHer.

When Cooper and Emily of BlogHers Act acknowledged my mom in their closing speech, quoting her line about being honored to see everything she fought for in the 70's coming to fruition right there in the room, I cried. It closed a circle for me. It brought two important things in my life together - my family, and all of you.

(Yes, you who hasn't taken a shower for three days. And you, you lurking men whose wives don't know you like mommyblogs. I include you too.)

As far as the nitpicking about schwag or debating about panel discussions or complaining about session topics or the bathroom doors at the W - whatever, as the kids say these days (or did around 1998 or so). I'm glad we can discuss these things. I'm happy to discuss these things. In fact I love discussing these things - you know how I likes me a good debate. But in the grander scheme of things, the weekend made at least three of us very happy.

Or at least two of us. Sage might have had gas.

Lookin' Out For Mah Peeps: That's You.

In my BlogHer panel on Saturday, I got to touch on the concept of not taking paltry pennies for the ad space on your blogs. Because really - none of us are getting 4 digits for those Go Meat ads.

(Unless Dooce - are you reading? Welcome, girl! Loving your hair lately.)

My feeling is that if you're giving brands free real estate on your site through Google Adsense or affiliate programs, while not even making enough to get the minimum payout for them, then maybe you should, um, think twice about having those ads?

I believe I said something like "Stand up for yourself. You're worth it. "

Paid bloggers, especially those of the female variety, undervalue ourselves. And that's worth discussing.

Consider the programs that pay you based on clicks--what that means is you end up losing if the advertising sucks. Example: Say in my evil capitalist day job I write an ad for $600 solid gold toenail clippers that runs in Farmhands Magazine. For some crazy reason, no one buys any!

So is that Farmhands Magazine's fault? Should they make less money for that ad because the product is stupid? Or because their demographic is not interested in $600 solid gold toenail clippers? Should they make less money because maybe hiring Gary Coleman to be a celebrity endorser for $600 solid gold toenail clippers wasn't the best idea?

(Ew! Gary Coleman toenail clippings! Ew!)

Well that's what cost-per-click programs essentially do to bloggers.

And then!

Just yesterday comes along the perfect PR pitch to help me make my case--all while tying in Stefania's point about lame PR pitches to bloggers which I touched on about a year ago and Kristen has posted about hilariously as have others, including the few PR folks who get it. (Edited to add: In fact, David Wescott posted about it today from the PR perspective.)

Stefania (center) about to give the PR world a verbal whuping.

First I noticed the pitch was addressed to "Julie."

Then I got a quick follow-up email saying:

I don't know why I called you Julie either ;)

Yep, a winkie thingie. Not an apology. Just a winkie thingie. Because hahaha, isn't it funny when that happens? And by the way, it happens every week.

But the letter got better from there. And I'm sure some of you reading got the same one, maybe addressed to Julie too:

Hi Julie,

I'm presently working with [client] to help them expand their presence online and think a blogAd on Mom-101 would make an excellent addition to their online ad campaign.

Since the [client] is a fairly small company, I was curious to know what sort of discount you are able to extend toward a one-week trial campaign. Should the results of the test prove fruitful, we would be glad to continue advertising on your blog at a rate commensurate with your normal price structure....

What kind of discount I am able to extend? Seriously?

Here is my exact response (minus one extraneous paragraph):

Hi Danny,

You called me Julie because you probably mailed this form letter to Mothergoosemouse right before you sent it to me, and forgot to change my name in the salutation.

I am pleased you would like to advertise on Mom101. I am not pleased that you are asking for a discount considering it's what, 30 bucks for a week? It would cost more to buy a set of magic markers and make posters.

If you want your brand to have real estate on my blog and reach thousands of women, you are welcome to pay the full price. It is not my job to take a hit on the price if your creative is not compelling, creative, or clear enough to encourage people to click through. As someone with "a lot of experience with blogAds" surely you know that the prices are often paltry and out of step with other advertising programs. Asking mom bloggers - many of whom do this as their only source of income - to cut their rates is unconscionable.

I don't usually respond to requests like this but frankly, it pissed me off.

Mom101

Argh.

Now I will say we had a very respectful exchange afterwards in which Danny apologized for insulting me and the value of my blog, and that since he's working for a small advertiser with a limited budget, his approach was basically "it doesn't hurt to ask."

My response was that wrong, it does hurt to ask.

It hurts the momblogggers who, like his client, are also small businesses, and might in fact take the 10% cut because to them, 90% is better than 0% when this is their sole source of income. And that sucks.

I'm not retelling this conversation to be a dick. I don't think Danny is a bad guy or that he was intending to be as sleazy as his first email came across.

But I am retelling this because I don't want to see his client's ads on any of your blogs, knowing that you took 10% off the price for him.

Don't mess with my girlz. They be my mommygang.

Not Necessarily a BlogHer Recap

I am trying to collect my thoughts from this weekend's BlogHer Con, which isn't easy to do when I'm operating on no sleep. Sage graciously picked last night of all nights to fall off the bed at 3:48 AM and while she went right back to sleep, I stayed up for another hour with the 3AM crazies, convinced that her rapid return to slumber was due to the brain-altering concussion she'd just gotten.

(She's fine.)

Also, I'm recovering from closing my right nipple in my stroller as I went through security at O'Hare. I suppose I was a little distracted by the guard confiscating my shaving cream at the time since, as we all know, a 39 year-old mother from New York with BlogHer buttons on her diaper bag and a canister of Edge in the toiletry case pretty much screams Al Qaeda to anyone proficient in terrorist profiling.

(My nipple's mostly fine.)

I will say that to link all the amazing women I met this weekend would take me until Thursday. The Toronto contingent alone would take until Wednesday. But it was a fabulous time.

It seemed less political than last year, I didn't sense any mommyblogger v nonmommyblogger tension, and aside from some minor drama of little consequence most everyone seemed to enjoy herself. The complaints were mostly channeled into constructive discussions--like the one at Citymama right now regarding PR pitches to mombloggers in general and women of color in particular. Or Joy's awesome panel on the politics of blogrolls which I missed. Because it was the same time as my own panel. Which was mostly me just standing there and listening to a lot of stuff about tax code while thinking about what a bad hair day I was having.

I'm sure by tomorrow there will be plenty of overanalyzing and and overthinking in order to uncover one not-so-fun aspect of the weekend to write about. After all, don't most women live by Descartes' wife's much underquoted line, I Complain Therefore I Am? I know I do.

Until I figure about what I really want to say about the weekend, I am basking in the thoughts of new friends, old friends, Sage's new friends, my mother's new friends, my photo with Elizabeth Edwards, and the 18 cookies that I totally shoved into my tote bag when no one was looking.

PS I'd like to thank the crew of American Airlines flight 390 for being super cool during our 2 hours on the runway yesterday. A smile and free bottled water goes a long way.

PPS I'd like to thank the makers of Spanx for the new semi-crotchless design that allows one to easily pee, even standing at a urinal. Photo courtesy of Rebecca who knows how to wear a hat.

It's a WOMEN'S conference, see?
So we're commandeering the men's room, see?

PutStuffOnHerBadMother.Com

(With apologies to putstuffonyourcat.com)















Thanks to Her Royal Badness for allowing us to take her dignity right along with her consciousness.