City of Angels and High-Colonics

For the next few days, I will be not be blogging from the more affordable side of the Brooklyn Bridge, but from that magical land of fake boobs and fake noses and fake professions of love.

Yes, Ellay is everything you think it is and more. Why you can hardly swing a cat without hitting an US Weekly cover girl. I would know because in Beverly Hills, swinging cats outside the Coffee Bean passes for fun. That's just how wacky it is out there. They gargle with their own urine too. (And I'm not making that up - one international leading lady confessed as much to me one drunken night over Schnapps shots.)

The truth is, while some of you might imagine that my days and nights will be spent doing wild, illegal, and dangerous things with very famous and important people in a hillside bungalow at the Chateau, the reality is a little different.

I will be working in an office where the windows don't open--perhaps not a horrible thing considering the smoggy goodness of the LA air quality. I will be meeting with people who may or may not want to be meeting with me. I will be trying to smile through the jet lag. I will get funny looks from waiters when I order things with ALL the sugar and ALL the fat. And I will be missing my daughter extraordinarily.

This will be my third overnight business trip away from Thalia. And I try to remember that there are indeed a few benefits to heading west tout seul:

-Two glorious nights with no parallel-parked baby kicking me in the head repeatedly
-Someone else to make the bed
-$14 Belgian waffles that I don't have to pay for
-Cruising down Sunset in a Mustang convertible (hopefully not a banana-yellow one like that one time) knowing that at any red light, I just may find myself next to Sally Struthers
-Six uninterrupted hours on a plane to do the Sunday Times crossword
-Spicy tuna rolls-a-plenty
-Time with a few friends and family who I don't see nearly enough, including my about-to-be-ridiculously-successful cousin, the screenwriter (in today's Jewish families, screenwriters are the new doctors, dontcha know)
-Bailey's in the minibar
-Corona in the minibar
-Coppola Chardonnay in the minibar
-Feeling like myself again, even if just for thirty seconds at a time when I get so caught up in life/work/Coppola Chardonnay that I forget I have a baby.

However there's one huge con that gives all the pros a run for their money:

-Feeling guilty for those thirty seconds when I get so caught up in life/work/Coppola Chardonnay that I forget I have a baby.

We will see how this trip goes.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooooh, I love LA. (That sounded too much like the song, didn't it?) Have FUN out there and be safe.

Can't wait to hear all about it! :)

3/15/06, 9:25 AM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

LA does have its good qualities. The restaurants are great, and as you say, there isn't much competition for high-fat dishes (well, except my parents).

3/15/06, 9:56 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

please tell me that during glamorous cocktails you will be excusing yourself "to go and pump.." (not that i have a breastmilk agenda, just that i really want some medela products to make their way into some Ellay posh bathroom).

oh, and the guilt thing. don't you dare;-)

3/15/06, 10:32 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Ginga, there will be no pumping. The last trip sealed it. But before weaning, I did get the opportunity to pump in the public bathroom of an editorial house on West Olympic just before running into Perry Ferrell.

3/15/06, 10:50 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

Enjoy your trip. I think the plane ride alone would make it worthwhile...

3/15/06, 11:17 AM  
Blogger Movin Mom said...

I do think you need to check out my site today and then you will feel like these moments away from Thalia are just you getting to be you. Especially all the perks that come along with it.
Keeping a piece of yourself is Brilliant.

3/15/06, 11:33 AM  
Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

The other day someone very wise (Lumpyhead's Mom) said to me that having time to be herself made her a better parent. I think she is right. Having the chance to be just you gives you the opportunity to better appreciate your life as a mother.

3/15/06, 12:18 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Mmmm, tuna rolls and a mini-bar... versus the guilt... Sure, the guilt exacts a cost, but I'm pretty sure that I'd be willing to pay it. I'd just wash it down with more Chardonnay and then deal with the dual (Chard/guilt) hangover in the morning...

Have fun!

3/15/06, 12:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bring me back some Kaballah water willya?


3/15/06, 12:37 PM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Call me, bitch. Serious hook-ups.

3/15/06, 12:42 PM  
Blogger Carolyn S. said...

Have an awesome time!

3/15/06, 12:57 PM  
Blogger Table4Five said...

Did anyone else notice that she said "gargle with their own urine"? Excuse me, but WHAT???

And *sigh*, California. I have a friend who is an electrician for movie sets who lives in LA with his girlfriend who has the coolest job-before a movie comes out on DVD, she gets to watch the unedited version and decide what to put in the "deleted scenes". And my Dad's girlfriend's son is a Stuntman, his last job was "Jarhead". So that's my connection to LA. Wish I was there.

3/15/06, 1:28 PM  
Blogger the stefanie formerly known as stefanierj said...

I went to SFO when D was about 9 mos and the I-just-slept-8-straight-hours giddiness was delicately balanced with mommy guilt. I'd tell you not to feel it, but it probably won't help--it didn't help me. Of course, I came back and D acted like I was some interplanetary traveler at first but in about 5 minutes all was well.

So I can't help with the guilt, but I will be sending comfy don't-be-crying-when-mommy-calls vibes to Thalia and savor-having-the-king-sized-bed-to-yourself vibes to you.

3/15/06, 1:32 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Hey, if you see Laura Dern, Marykateashley, can you tell them to eat a sandwich? Or better yet, throw a sandwich at them.

I guess at least it's warm! And those waffles sound excellent. Sorry you'll be missin your bebe. There's worse places you could be.

You'll still be blogging, right? Cuz I'm not sure I can go that long without a Mom101 fix.

3/15/06, 1:32 PM  
Blogger Debbie Cakes said...

Have good time out there in the sun and smog.

Love your blog, just stopped over from Motherhood Uncensored.

3/15/06, 1:52 PM  
Blogger Shalee said...

My first business trip out of town is next week. As a mother of two older kids, I am looking at it as a little mini vacation, even if it means going to the Armpit of America.

As I am so looking forward to free nights, no kids bickering, 4 days free of cleaning anything, fabulous food that is on the company and time to read whatever I want, I have a feeling that I will look forward to going home after my second day... Sheesh, where's the fun in leaving town when you know you won't really be free?

But I am willing to suffer the consequences, especially if booze is involved!

3/15/06, 2:36 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Enjoy your trip! And enjoy not pumping. I did some business travel (and pumping in airport restrooms) after our first son was born, and it is bittersweet. It sounds like you'll have plenty of distractions and fun there, though.

3/15/06, 3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoy the trip -- I always loved rolling around in a big, huge bed when on work trips and not being interrupted by a particular little person in the middle of the night.

Just be careful with the minibar -- you can rack up the serious room charges with their little snacks and drinks!

And please come back to blog soon so we can all get our Mom101 fix.

3/15/06, 3:43 PM  
Blogger Krisco said...

Sounds like great fun to me.

And a few seconds of forgetting is good for you. Even with the wash of guilt that hits you later.

(Love the site; funny I found another one recently with your spousal's email address....hm is the web getting smaller or am I swimming in the same little circles? Either way, okay by me.:)

3/15/06, 4:20 PM  
Blogger puppytoes said...

we lived in lala-land for a couple of years (while my husband was producing a couple of shows...) one of the things that never ceased to amaze me was how plastic people looked. men. women. children for godssake! i'm a native californian, and i know for a fact that folks up and down the state have features that can actually register emotion--but you'd never know it to watch shoppers at the beverly center!

oh, and glam as los angeles seems? one need only hop on interstate 405 and get stuck in an 8-lane-wide/13-mile-long traffic jam to realize it ain't all it's cracked up to be! (tho' ya do get to learn the "back" ways pretty fast)

i only point these things out to remind ya that, nice as it is to be out there, it's only fun when you're there for the short run. besides, being away just makes ya appreciate all you have waiting for you back home... believe it or not, holding your baby will be even better than you ever remembered! (even poopy diapers will seem less... er...poopy)!

i say have a fabulous time...and enjoy the "you" moments while ya can!
: D

3/15/06, 5:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You will have a fab time! Enjoy the alone time, it only comes along once in a blue moon!

3/15/06, 6:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think SAHM need to go on business trips!! We have yet to explore the land of LA, even though we are a mere hour away!!! I want to see the plastic people!!!

3/15/06, 6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, can you pack me in your suitcase? I won't take up much space..i promise...gosh does that sound good - i know it is hard to be away from the little ones though...have fun, even if just for the shower alone and the minibar (squee!!)

3/15/06, 7:09 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

You'll never really forget - even for 30 seconds.

You'll just be stunned that the flip side of the coin didn't change that much. And that you miss the old life a little, but not as much as you thought.

3/15/06, 7:27 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Sushi, minibars and sunshine... Damn you woman!

Enjoy your trip. :)

3/15/06, 7:54 PM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

you just made me SO homesick. kick a cat for me and wave hello to paris. *cries*

3/15/06, 8:16 PM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

you had better apply for the thing i was posting about in my blog. go down i think 2 posts and you'll find the link. i could link it in that recent post of mine, but that would require effort and well.. fuck it.
eat in n out for me- just cause you can!!! wave hi to the beverly center and go ride the bull at saddleranch (sunset, across from the argyle hotel)..
and yes- i think you might be onto something with the popular bloggers just having been around longer and having easy to remember url's. cause i still think they suck. lol

3/15/06, 8:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome to Hell-Lay!

I, for one have never gargled with my own urine. But I'm squeemish that way.

You know, but you can get a boob job at a drive-thru window on Wilshire.

(let me know if you need any suggestions for places to imbibe, besides your minibar.)

3/15/06, 8:45 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

Have a wonderful trip!!! I can't wait to read about your adventures and run-ins with wacky celebrities.

3/15/06, 10:14 PM  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I know a couple of high colonics in LA. They started out as people, discovered substances and are now high colonics. I kid, of course. But there'll always be Paris: the high moronic.

Have a great time! I live 80 miles or so to the North of LA in Ojai. If you should find yourself with a spare few hours, email me: samizahringer@yahoo.com I could drive down or something, so you wouldn't have to get too far from the city. It'd be fun to meet you, I know it.

3/15/06, 10:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're funny. Glad I found you.

Have fun in my hometown.

I was trying to convince my parents that Internet marketing professionals are the new doctors, but I guess I should try writing a screenplay instead.

3/15/06, 11:21 PM  
Blogger IzzyMom said...

Looking forward to hearing all the details of your wacky LA hijinks. Take good notes (and try to enjoy it just a teeny bit)

3/16/06, 12:50 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Please enjoy it and drink something adult for me. :-)

3/16/06, 1:01 PM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

While I sit here in Redneck County, freezing my arse off, knowing the only celebrity sighting I have to look forward to is ol' Johnny who once walked down mainstreet naked as a jay bird, I will think of you. And drink my Corona. Possibly more than one. Enjoy, be safe, and share your glory with your blogging buddies upon your safe arrival home!

3/16/06, 6:26 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

I wish I woulda known you'd be here in So Cal. I am going to Phoenix tomorrow or we coulda had a drink between you "taking meetings."

I hope LA is treating you well.

3/17/06, 12:44 AM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

I live for the Sunday New York Times puzzles. We are word sistas.

3/17/06, 8:15 PM  

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