Who Knows What Weirdness Lurks in the Heart of Mom101

Whatever Gingajoy wants, Gingajoy gets.

(Also, Kristen and Catherine are doing it and if they jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, by golly, so would I!)

So with no further ado, I give you six weird things about the already fairly weird Mom101.

1) I spend an absurd amount of hours thinking about totally useless things, although I think you already know that by now. (See: hair salon names) For example, I have never understood the tag line With a name like Smucker's, it has to be good. WHY? What the hell does that mean? Does Smucker's mean "good jelly" in some old Germanic dialect? Is there some sort of arcane law on the books about quality standards of pectin products starting with an S? Or is it because the name is so bad we'd better make our jelly twice as delicious?

Meanwhile, it's not even good. So I don't understand where they get off using this tag line at all.

And yes, I lose sleep over this stuff.

2)I cannot watch Wheel of Fortune. Literally. It makes me crazy. Remember the woman who had seizures upon hearing Mary Hart's voice on Entertainment Tonight? That is me with that freaking theme song. I have to leave the room if it comes on and someone insists on watching the total idiocy that is The Wheel.

Let's be honest, you are watching adults play hangman for a half hour. Hangman! It's not even fun when you play it yourself. And they always buy the damn vowels when they already know the word. What's that about?

3)I once had a small part in a low-budget film that made the NY Film Festival back in the mid-80s. (Yes it's on IMDB, but no I 'm not on there so don't even bother.) I was terrible, and so was the film. I was playing some guy's teen daughter and his girlfriend brings him home a t-shirt advertising Stiff Records that says If It Ain't Stiff, It Ain't Worth a Fuck. My big line was, "well if you don't want it, I'll take it."

The director has also dabbled in gay porn, or so I've been told.

4)I'm a huge devotee of runes. It's an old Nordic method of divination, like Tarot, only very positive. It's helped me through some tough spots. It also scared away about about six boyfriends.

5) I love the feeling of a leg wax.

6) Once I have an incorrect lyric in my head, I cannot possibly get the right words to come out ever again. To this day, if we are ever at a party together and Stayin' Alive comes on, you will hear me sing those illustrious lyrics, "We can try to understand the New York Times' old anchor man."


Okay so maybe some of these aren't so much weird as peculiar. But I don't know you all well enough to discuss my third nipple or my taste for lamb's blood.

(Kidding. Please don't call PETA on me.)

I think I'm supposed to tag someone to do this next so...I'm thinking fellow bridge-jumpers Chase, Stefanie and Christina will have something fun to say on the subject.


Blogger Christina said...

Runes, eh? That's interesting. Do you actually have your own set of runes, or do you go elsewhere for rune readings?

And I can't stand Wheel of Forune either. I was forced to watch it every night at my babysitter's when I was little, and the sight of it makes me sick.

2/9/07, 10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dammit, woman, are you saying I'm weird? No wait. Don't answer that. I'll see what I can throw out there that I haven't already. This could get scary.

*jumps off a bridge while humming The Wheel tune*

2/9/07, 10:33 AM  
Blogger S said...

So with you on the Smuckers. On the leg wax? Not so much.

What popped into my head (my brain is good that way -- from Smuckers to grape to grape juice; you go, neurons!) is that godawful commercial with the kid drinking Welch's grape juice. Why did Welch's have to choose the smarmiest kids ever to appear in their commercials? Honest to God, I wanted to bop that child over the head and send grape juice flying across the spankin'-clean kitchen every time I saw her.

That feels soooo much better. Thank you.

2/9/07, 10:41 AM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

I HATE the Wheel too. Really people still watch that?

I have never heard of runes, but it sounds very interesting.

2/9/07, 10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so with you on that first one. I have spent way too much time thinking about "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee"-what the hell does that mean? Does that mean that somebody...does...like Sara Lee, and if so, why don't they just say THAT?

I don't like Wheel of Fortune much, either. I'm always screaming the answer at the TV, or yelling at the contestants to stop buying the damn vowels, already. Whew, that does feel better!

2/9/07, 11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to see Vanna White covered in Smuckers. And Pat Sajak get an involuntary leg wax.

2/9/07, 11:10 AM  
Blogger Denver Dad said...

For me it's the Miller Lite tag line. It's "It doesn't get any better than this" or something. I keep thinking, "Seriously? Miller Lite is the best it gets? If that's true, I should just shoot myself now and get it over with."

2/9/07, 11:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take heart in knowing that millions are equally menaced by the 'Wheel-o'-Misfortune' phenomenon worldwide. While in France a couple of weeks ago, I had to suffer though 'La Roue de la Fortune' since I was staying with a friend whose two-year-old daughter (the ideal intellectual age for target viewership) loves it so much. Malheur!

Some other European entries, for your edification:

Wheel of Fortune (UK)
La Ruleta de la Fortuna (Spain)
Gluecksrad (Germany)
Het Rad Van Fortuin (Netherlands)
Lykkehjulet (Norway)
Roata Noroculai(Romania)
Onnenpyora (two dots over every vowel-or is it every consonant?) (Finland)

Clearly, world hunger, AIDS and global warming are not the only universal crises we need to focus on urgently...

2/9/07, 11:54 AM  
Blogger Bea said...

Hey! You got something against extra nipples, lady?

2/9/07, 12:16 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

awww, i feel like i have so much more insight into the absolute insanity of mom101's brain. thanks in advance for the creepy nightmares i'll be having tonight, mostly about smucker's and vanna white.

2/9/07, 12:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Liz! You're so weird it's adorable. :)

You really have a third nipple? I think I do, too.

I'm snickering.

2/9/07, 1:22 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I can't believe you did a meme...all those times I tagged you and got nothing. Sheesh. Just kidding.

I love #6. My brother still believes, almost 23 years later that the line "I shot the Sherrif" is "I jot the Jerrit." I think it's a common problem.

2/9/07, 1:55 PM  
Blogger Overwhelmed! said...

Liz, these are some weird things...but I guess I'm weird too then. I despise Wheel of Fortune and I quickly turn the channel if I mistakenly stumble across it.

As for the 3rd nipple and lambs blood...eeeeewwww!

On an entirely unrelated topic, if you're a chocoholic as much as I am, stop on over to my blog today to see the chocolate recipes exchange I have going on in preparation for for V-Day. :)

2/9/07, 2:39 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

and I just thought it was *me* with the lamb's blood. PHEWWEEEE.

thank you for the first line of that post. it made be bounce up and down in my seat and snort to myself.

p.s. you're weird.

2/9/07, 2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for ruining "Stayin' Alive" for me. Now I'm picturing Ted Koppel in a white suit on a dance floor.

Not cool.


2/9/07, 3:22 PM  
Blogger Jenny Nymoen said...

Smucker was the guy everyone in town respected and looked up to. Plus he made fruit preserves.

Now don't you feel so much better?

2/9/07, 3:50 PM  
Blogger tracey.becker1@gmail.com said...

You. are. a. nut.

2/9/07, 5:52 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

So true about the song lyrics! To this day, The Steve Miller Band's song "Big 'Ol Jet Airliner" sounds like "we go down to the lighthouse" to me. Lighthouse???? What in the world for?

Good list.


2/9/07, 7:27 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

What? No explanation of the leg wax fetish?

2/9/07, 8:00 PM  
Blogger Daisy said...

I call it Wheel of Torture. I much prefer Jeopardy. I want to be Ken Jennings if I grow up.

2/9/07, 8:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There. I've showcased my weirdness (yet again). Don't hate me because I'm not as weird as you. WOOP! WOOP!

2/9/07, 9:16 PM  
Blogger Karyn said...

Dude. Wait.
You love the feeling of your legs AFTER a wax? Or you love the feeling of the wax ripping out the follicles?


2/9/07, 10:26 PM  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

For many years I was convinced that Starship built this city on broken bones, thereby missing the entire point of the song.

For anyone who laboured under a similar misapprehension they actually built this city on rock and roll. But that's just silly and deoesn't factor in subsidence.

2/10/07, 12:15 PM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

You people are freaks.

I'm oddly fascinated.

2/10/07, 12:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd give everything if you'd become that telephone.

-ELO, circa '77

2/10/07, 12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I mean, I'd *tell you* everything if you'd become that telephone. Stay human, and you'll never hear a word about the juicy morsels of gossip I have to impart.

By the way, dirty deeds drive that jeep.

2/10/07, 4:25 PM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

Bossy's ruminations on the whole Smuckers ad campaign:

They were thinking of naming their company Fuckers. Similarly: Schmuck, Muck, and Puckers. Just then the President of Jelly raised his voice o'er the room, "Smuckers! With a name like Smuckers it has to be good."

2/10/07, 4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of their newest tag lines:

'EVERYONE'S talking about Smucker's Uncrustables!'

I must concede to my personal inability to shut up about them...but since no one can ever resist the topic of Uncrustables, I'm making lots of new friends.

2/10/07, 5:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even though Geritol is now defunct, seven words:

'My wife...I think I'll keep her.'

2/10/07, 5:57 PM  
Blogger Girl con Queso said...

So what's the opposite of Smuckers? Schmuckers? If so, WoF is completely Schumckers.

2/10/07, 6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To follow up on queso's thoughts, just wanted to point out that 'schmucker' means 'neater' in German. And Germans use the word 'lecker' to indicate 'yummy.'

So "'Schmuckers' ist lecker!" applies nicely here.


2/10/07, 6:42 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

You really need to share a photo of you in costume for your movie, wearing the Stiff shirt.

2/11/07, 3:14 AM  
Blogger Mocha said...

You're not weird at all. Those things tend to irk, irritate, annoy me all the same. You know what's really weird about me? Using three synonyms in one freaking sentence. That's chaps my ass. ;-)

2/11/07, 9:20 AM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

You mean to tell me "We can try to understand the New York Times' old anchor man" ISN'T the correct lyric?


2/11/07, 7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michelle, my bell. Someday monkey won't play piano song. Play piano song.
Unless you speak French.

2/12/07, 2:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oo!Oo! I remembered another one...
Purple Haze all in my brain, lately things, aint' the same, acting funny and I don't know why.
Excuse me while I kiss this guy.....

2/12/07, 2:40 PM  
Blogger the mystic said...

I love the feeling of a leg wax too, but not as much as an underarm wax! Every time I wax my underarms I put them in my husband's face and am like, "IS THIS THE MOST AMAZING AND FANTASTIC THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN!!!!"

He's not ever as impressed as I am.

2/13/07, 4:11 PM  

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