4.10.2006

Well, it made me laugh.

to: lists@mcsweeneys.net
from: mom101
subject: The Most Popular Penis Names of 2005 as Released by the Social Security Administration
Fred

Wayne

Armande

Big Guy

Joe-Bob

Fast Eddie

Rico

King Ralph

Anthony Jr.

You Old So-and-So

to: mom101
from: lists@mcsweeneys.net
re: your submission

Liz, I'm passing on this one. But thanks for the read.
Best,
Benjamin.


36 Comments:

Blogger Daddy D said...

thanks for sharing this list...made me laugh as well!

- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com

4/10/06, 7:48 AM  
Anonymous kristen said...

:) A friend of mine used Mr. Olive... ??? Never got that. Fred - way better.

4/10/06, 8:22 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

1., I can't believe the SSA asked men this question and 2., I can't believe McSweeney's passed on it!

And 3. I can understand Big Guy and even King Ralph, but Wayne??!

4/10/06, 8:44 AM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

Too funny.

Fred? Wayne?

4/10/06, 9:27 AM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

awesome. "John Thomas" I am sure was a close runner up. (as was "Wanger")

congrats on the award--btw. you so deserve it!

4/10/06, 10:10 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

Don't those people at McSweeney's have any vision? Funny list...how about Tony? Pepe? Not that I have names for my husband's um...thing...

4/10/06, 10:34 AM  
Blogger kfk said...

So not fair! My favorite was King Ralph.

4/10/06, 10:50 AM  
Blogger something blue said...

I guess Puff The Magic Dragon is sooooooooooo 2001.

4/10/06, 10:51 AM  
Blogger T. said...

I can't believe Mr. Pickle didn't make the cut! And Wayne?? Creepy. That's my father's name. That's some bad mojo calling my love stick by my daddy's name.

4/10/06, 11:37 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

I'm glad to see we got some ethnic flair in there with Rico and Armande.

4/10/06, 11:50 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Wayne?!?!

Where's MC Hammer on this list? Or Pudgy McStuffsalot?

4/10/06, 12:08 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Where's Mr. Winky? I can't believe there's no Mr. Winky.

4/10/06, 12:14 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Yea, really Fred? who the hell uses Fred!!! Doesn't sound like something......oh never mind. =o)

4/10/06, 12:26 PM  
Blogger cameo said...

well at least nobody called their "KONG!"

4/10/06, 12:45 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

*snort* Ouch. Diet Coke burns when it comes out your nose!

Too funny. Seriously.

4/10/06, 12:52 PM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

McSweeney morons. I love "You old so and so." You should write back and say:

"I noticed a typographical error in my list and wanted to resubmit a corrected version. The second to last name should actually read, "Benjamin Jr.

Best,

Liz"

4/10/06, 1:01 PM  
Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Armande? Really.

No Peter, or Dick? Too easy, I guess.

4/10/06, 1:36 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

HAHAHAHAH, as I snort coffee through my nose. Thanks for that. It's wonderful.

4/10/06, 1:41 PM  
Blogger Wendy Boucher said...

What about "Free Willy" or was that a movie?

4/10/06, 2:10 PM  
Blogger Gurukarm Kaur said...

The **Social Security Administration**?????? Don't those folks have enough to do trying to figure out how to keep old people from getting their checks on time????

LOL!

4/10/06, 2:26 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

OK, I was already laughing but the comments here might have sent me over the edge....

4/10/06, 3:12 PM  
Blogger Lumpyheadsmom said...

Bob Dole

Seriously. It's an up and coming member name.

or something.

4/10/06, 3:14 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

The main man in my life calls his "Little Richard" by day and "Big Dick" by night.

Don't tell him I told you.

Loved this list! :)

4/10/06, 3:42 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Heh, heh. Or how about a band name?
"One-Eyed Johnny and the Trouser Trout"?
No?
Okay.
;)

4/10/06, 3:48 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

DAMN! I knew I should have run it by all of you before submitting it. So many good ones!

And I stand by Wayne.

4/10/06, 4:03 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Hmm ... do as many women name their genitalia? I don't think so ... I've known a few who have christened their boobies, but ... genitalia? There's a sociological study waiting to happen.

You old so and so. I'm soooooo going to start saying that now.

4/10/06, 6:01 PM  
Anonymous neva said...

i can not believe you wrote this post! but only because i planned to do something very similar later this week! (i swear i did...) : P

you see, my sister wrote a book called Skin Flutes & Velvet Gloves a few years ago, which was about... you guessed it! penises and vaginas... (skin flute was your first clue, right?) she taught human sexuality for 18 years at a california state university... and as a class exercise, on the 1st day she'd have her students break up into groups & have each group create a list of "nicknames" for private parts... ultimately, this became the impetus for her book (which turned into a much more academic work regarding aforementioned body parts, because my sister is an obsessive academician, above all else)

all this to say... (you knew this was coming) you missed a few (tho', perhaps only because the following aren't the most "popular" nicknames, according to the social security administration...):

big mac; coctus erectus; mini-me; joe blow; mr. microphone; herman the one-eyed german; russell the one-eyed muscle; rumpleforeskin; cecil the one-eyed serpent; king dick; tally whacker; and, finally, my favorite (and, because you really don't need any more names here!)... something we should have heard during gladiator... biggus diccus.

(there are around 500 in the book, but, as with the "member" referenced here, today, the list continues to grow!!) fun stuff! : D

4/10/06, 6:26 PM  
Blogger Builder Mama said...

Fast Eddie? *snort*

Wayne is my boss's name. I will be cursing you silently tomorrow each time I look at him and think "penis".

Off to scrub my brain now.

4/10/06, 7:54 PM  
Anonymous Kristen said...

Um... how about a shout out to the Asians -

Wang...

4/10/06, 8:09 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I merely yell "You are splitting me in two with your fiery sword"

Gets them every time.

4/10/06, 8:15 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

I can't believe McSweeney's took a pass. This is classic subject matter.

I had a boyfriend once who decided to renounce his given name and chose his own. For his first/middle name combo, he chose: John Thomas. No lie. I couldn't help but snicker when he told me the first time, and thereafter.

4/10/06, 9:22 PM  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

The wee man

4/10/06, 11:36 PM  
Anonymous madge said...

Benjamin was just flustered that HIS pet name made the list. I mean who would have thought You Old So and So would be so popular?

4/11/06, 8:18 AM  
Blogger Daddy D said...

I remember a "Friends" episode where Joey said his was named "The Little Major". Then after sleeping with some girl he decided he was due a promotion, and renamed him "The Little General".

I beleive that's how it was anyways.

- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com

4/11/06, 10:55 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I keep coming back here thinking something witty will come to me eventually... But nothing! I suppose it doesn't help that you have, like, the world's wittiest bloggers tuning in here!

4/11/06, 4:06 PM  
Anonymous Tammy said...

Okay, this was hysterical! And I agree with Emily, the comments are cracking me up, too!!

I was thinking of what Kate Hudson called Matthew Mcconaughey's penis in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days...Princess Sophia. I would have thought that all the guys would be naming their genitalia Princess Sophia after that.

4/12/06, 11:57 AM  

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