Thank You, Front Left Inscisor

Teething = the best excuse EVER. Why didn't anyone tell me?
Oh, I'm sorry she's so fussy. She's not usually like this, she's teething.

I know we really should start that Ferber stuff and get her to sleep in her own crib at some point, but since she's teething and all...

I'm sure she's just throwing her food on the ground and shrieking at the top of her lungs because she's a little uncomfortable. You know, from the teething.
I am aware that it's possible (maybe) that at ten months, Thalia is simply evolving from the always happy, never fussy, A+++ child that every other mom in the universe wishes she had--into a regular old toddler with all the demands and tantrums and attachment issues that come along with the stage. But we'd prefer to go on believing it's a temporary situation; something that will be remedied just as soon as the rest of those teeth break through the surface.

Four down...how many to go? Oy.

Come to think of it, everyone should use teething as an excuse. It could go a long way.
Hey douchebag, that's my cab. Step away from the door. I'm cranky and I'm teething.

Honey, not tonight. I'm teething.

Yes Helen, it is true that the President shows no compassion for anyone other than himself in this world including his own children. But he's teething.


Blogger Suzanne said...

It is the perfect excuse for poor behavior! And no one need know whether the child is actually, you know, teething. I don't suppose at age 4 this will work, though, so I need another iron-clad excuse for my son's problematic behavior...

5/10/06, 8:49 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Heh, heh. L. transformed from doll into beast around 12 months. Our excuse for the next TWO YEARS?


5/10/06, 9:02 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

My older daughter has heard us speculate about our younger one's moodiness so much that now if she's cranky or does something bad, she claims her teeth hurt. Yeah, Mimi -- I don't think you're getting new teeth at age 4.

5/10/06, 9:03 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

The other all-purpose excuse, one that we've been using since WonderBaby was born: gas. As in, "she's crying because she's gassy," "it's not you, it's the gas." Also handy for grown-ups, and also more likely to be true. Don't you think that it's entirely possible that the entire Bush Administration has had gas this entire time? That blocked pipes and stymied farts are behind every dubious policy decision?

After all, gastro-intestinal distress makes even me feel hawkish.

5/10/06, 9:06 AM  
Blogger Wendy Boucher said...

Sorry officer, I'm teething.

Oh, I like this post.

You better pay for dinner. I'm teething.

Oh, did I just ram into your gas-guzzling Earth-threatening butt-ugly Hummer? I must be teething.

5/10/06, 9:24 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Ooh Wendy, I'm going to use those! Wonderful. Want to help me co-write all my future blog posts?\

5/10/06, 9:30 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

LOL i love this post. mostly because i remember saying the same things about my daughter when she was that age. everything was excusable and explained because of her teething.

5/10/06, 9:41 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Another all-purpose excuse for poor behavior (for both the child and the parents) is sleep.

Please excuse us for shrieking (me) and giving dirty looks (toddler) to you because you decided to stand in the doorway of a busy store with your gaggle of children and talk to a friend RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE EXIT. We're having sleeping problems at home.

I'm sorry, I can't pay that bill. My kid's having sleeping problems and I'm such a zombie, I can't write out a check. I can't even write out words.

It's golden. Though the bill companies don't really care, with electronic transfers now days.

5/10/06, 9:43 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

hmmmm... how about-

I'm not fat, I'm teething.

I bought these shoes because I'm teething.

Great post!! Too funny and too true!

5/10/06, 10:08 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Great post! Claire never had a problem teething, but she started acting up shortly after a few teeth arrived. Needless to say, I blamed her attitude on teeth too. LOL!

5/10/06, 10:19 AM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

i'm not sloppy-assed drunk and drooling--I'm teething!!

excuse me while i chomp on your purse, i'm teething.

excuse me while i wipe my chin on your blouse/tie/cheek. i'm teething.

with Thalia--it'll pass. You've got some gorgeous times ahead, for sure:)

5/10/06, 10:19 AM  
Blogger soleclaw said...

"Sorry Honey, not tonight."...sounds so familiar. I'm gonna try to add "I'm teething" and see if that will work better!

5/10/06, 10:45 AM  
Blogger macboudica said...

I really do like "teething" as an excuse better than the old standard "I have PMS."

5/10/06, 10:45 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

All of a sudden I'm using this excuse too. And everytime I say it I think to myself.....hmmm is it true? *shrug* Hey who cares...it works!

5/10/06, 10:54 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

That was like me with gas when my 2nd was a baby..

"Oh, she doesn't normally scream, she's just gassy"

something tells me adults wouldn't jump at the chance to label themselves "gassy" as quickly as they'd jump for the teething claim, though...eh?

5/10/06, 10:58 AM  
Blogger Stephanie A. said...

This is definitely the excuse of 2006!

5/10/06, 10:59 AM  
Blogger T. said...

I wonder if this excuse would work with an eight and a nine year old who tend not to listen so well when out in public. After all, they too are teething. I'm gonna use it this weekend when we are out for Mother's day. (Because you know they are going to give me the opportunity too.)

5/10/06, 11:14 AM  
Blogger something blue said...

Teething is the worst. The pain keeps them awake and makes everyone cranky. Not only do their mouths ache, but also they usually get the accompanied rash on their bums. You have to change their outfits twenty times a day because they are soaked in teething drool.

It explains a lot about your President. How could one possibly form a sentence when they are so obviously teething?

5/10/06, 11:31 AM  
Anonymous krista said...

Ha. this made me think because you know- I actualy AM teething. i can feel that back wisdom tooth fucker coming in with a vengence.

Next time I need an excuse, I'm totally taking it. Next time the baby cries- I will tell the husband I can't console him, I'm teething.

5/10/06, 12:01 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

I feel for ya. My son just cut his first two and he is absolutelyfuckingmiserable.

So am I.

5/10/06, 12:41 PM  
Blogger Mega Mom said...

I remember being so in tune with my oldest's teething problems. I never even noticed when the others GOT teeth. All of a sudden they were there. In fact, I just realized that my 2 1/2 year old is completely missing one!

5/10/06, 12:46 PM  
Blogger Arwen said...

it is temporary but cyclical. Just when you are ready to leave the child at the closest bus stop, they start acting like the best child in the world.

5/10/06, 1:28 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Something Blue, I laughed out loud at the president comment. Hilarious!

5/10/06, 1:55 PM  
Anonymous motherhooduncensored said...

Until her first set of molars were in (and the dreaded eye teeth), we had no peace.

I'm anxiously awaiting the 2 year molars.


And PS - Teething gets me out of oral sex every time.


5/10/06, 2:12 PM  
Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

Ha! It definitely became the universal excuse in this family. I remember my husband saying once, "Can we just say she's being a little sh*t?"

And now that they're older, the one-size-fits-all is, "She hasn't gotten enough sleep."

5/10/06, 2:35 PM  
Blogger Antique Mommy said...

Even if you're not teething, and you just drool a lot, like down your shirt, I find people will leave you the hell alone.

5/10/06, 2:39 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Even adults can use it, if your wisdom teeth haven't yet broken through (or been extracted).

Right now, we've got eyeteeth AND molars coming through. Drugs are GOOD, mmm-kay?

5/10/06, 2:49 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I told my son to go play in his room while mommy did some quick "work" (aka read a few blogs)on the computer. The little devil child said "No" then walked into his room, slammed and locked the door, then shouted "BUCKING MOMMY" A few times. (He can't pronounce his "F's" so you KNOW what he was saying.) He will be 4 in three weeks.

He wouldn't unlock his bedroom door. So I told him if he didn't let me in, I would make his daddy come home from work and daddy WOULD NOT be happy. Then there was several minutes in timeout and a threat to clear his room of all toys if he ever did it again...

But maybe I was too hard on him... Maybe he's just teething? heehee And Good God there MUST be a full moon or something!

5/10/06, 3:05 PM  
Blogger J's Mommy said...

Ahhh teething. I remember it fondly. Not! My daughter started at 4 months and it lasted until about 18 months. It was a pain in the ass. Thank goodness for Tylenol.

5/10/06, 3:39 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

What's sad is that it can take them till they're two to get all the dam teeth.

How about mr. bossman, I just couldn't get that done today, cause I'm, teething. I love it, I'll have to see how far it gets me. ;)

5/10/06, 3:43 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I remember 10 months. That month was hard for us too. I don't know if it was the teething or just him adjusting to being a little bit bigger and having wants and needs other than a dry diaper, food, drink, cuddle.

It gets better, I promise. Give it a month or two and you will be loving the happy little girl who was once your baby.

5/10/06, 5:02 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Dick Cheney: Teething Since 1901

5/10/06, 5:57 PM  
Anonymous michele said...

Believe it or not a year ago I got to use this excuse... Toothache/headache that wouldn't go away. I eventually needed jaw surgery. A molar decided to come in and grow the wrong way. I was teething!

5/10/06, 6:35 PM  
Anonymous chelle said...

hehehe love it..may use it!

5/10/06, 6:51 PM  
Anonymous Lia said...

we are 13 out and 7 to go and it is a nightmare - just can't figure they only bother her at night don't they hurt in the daytime?

5/10/06, 6:52 PM  
Blogger doggerelblogger said...

And how come kids don't teethe when they lose their baby teeth?

And can anyone remember losing more than 3 or 4 of them? I don't know what happened to the other 12 or so - I feel like the Tooth Fairy owes me some cake.

5/10/06, 7:28 PM  
Blogger Pattie said...

I wish I could use teething as an excuse for a bad day. It turns into 'oh, little suzie is in a phase".....there will always be an excuse for unruly behavior...

5/10/06, 8:28 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

You can use it as code for when she gets her period

"Honey - Are you teething?"

5/10/06, 8:54 PM  
Blogger zeldafitz said...

THANKS!!! I've been "teething" all week. Or for the past 30 SOME ODD years!

5/10/06, 9:30 PM  
Blogger Tori said...

I've been teething this week too....
And for the real teether... if that's what she has...
Try Hylands Homeopathic teething tablets... hokey sounding but wonderfully calming...
And for you....

5/10/06, 9:43 PM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

Can I get another double of single malt scotch? I'm teething.

Hey, what do you know? Teething really IS the all-perfect answer.

5/10/06, 10:43 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Wow, and here I thought it was just a southern Colorado thing. Never fails, every time I pick up my kid she's "refusing to eat, suffering from diaper rash, clingy, restless, weepy, snobby..." ALL because of teething. You're really onto something, MOM101.

5/11/06, 1:24 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

I'm totally using the teething excuse from now on. My son has at least 15 more teeth to go so I'm gonna milk this for a while. thanks for the tip!

5/11/06, 1:41 AM  
Blogger Krisco said...

If only it were that simple. We could freaking get him dentures and fix the world's problems.

Like a country song; get back our civil liberties, national forests, peace, prosperity...all those things that dun left us when he showed up.

5/11/06, 3:08 AM  
Blogger Jozet said...

My grandfather actually had molars come in when he was about 75 years old. Fer real!

The ole crank.

My latest excuse for why my child isn't her normal, lovely self: she just started a new allergy medication.

Me? I'm obviously very pregnant right now, so I can yell at just about anyone and get a "tut, tut...you poor dear" in return. Except my husband. Funny how that works out.

5/11/06, 5:51 AM  
Blogger wolfbaby said...

Thats too funny I so feel the pain.... LOL I wrote on a similar topic on the new blog Im creating.... I hope when I get it up and running you take a gander at it I think you might enjoy:) I will have to put you on my fav list now...

5/11/06, 6:16 AM  
Blogger Fidget said...

i tell people i'm teething all the time LOL i also find myself doped up on my kid's Hyland's Teething Tabs (they freakin rock, it's like xanax but over the counter!)

5/11/06, 11:32 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

Oh my gosh, that is soooooo FUNNY! I am going to use this phrase, just for the heck of it...

5/11/06, 12:45 PM  
Anonymous jen said...

I am totally going to use that excuse at work today!!! :)

5/11/06, 12:48 PM  
Blogger BohemeMama said...

love it!!

5/11/06, 5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The first four are the worst. And the incisors. Oh and the molars.

Never mind.


5/11/06, 9:28 PM  
Blogger tracey said...

God, I love that. Next time I have PMS I'm just gonna blame it on teething. Perfect.

5/12/06, 12:21 AM  

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