7.24.2006

A Brodie Home Companion


Yesterday the nephew was returned to his rightful owners. For three weeks I fed him, I watered him, I did not kill him. I even learned a whole lot in the process about eight-year old boys and how absolutely delightful, frustrating, wonderful, infuriating and charming they can be.

I will miss a great many things about our summer together. Here are just a few.

The Borscht Belt Brodie
What do you call a seesaw with glasses? A seesaw! Get it? Oh wait, I messed it up. Hold on a sec...what do you call...no wait, hold on...
The Existential Brodie:
I want the new Nintendo DS so badly that it's all I can see. See that tree? It's a Nintendo DS. See that fire hydrant? It's a Nintendo DS. See that guy over there? That's Mario.
The Optimistic Brodie:
(pointing to a Rubik's Cube in the toy store)
Ooh, this is the one I want! Although...maybe not. I'll probably solve it in like five minutes and then I'll be bored.
The Analytical Brodie:
Ew, oatmeal bread?

It's not oatmeal bread, sweetie. It's made with oats. That's a whole grain.

I don't like whole grains.

You like Honey Nut Cheerios, what do you think is in that? Whole grains.

Um, I don't think that's true.

The Very 8 Year-Old Brodie:
(to the tune of Row Row Row Your Boat)
Squeeze squeeze squeeze your fart, gently out your butt...

The Inadvertently Hilarious Brodie:
(Pointing to a golf display)
These balls reminds me of my friend Ben.

The "Wait, You Didn't Find Our Bong, Right?" Brodie:
Hey, what if the whole world were made of peanut butter. Would you eat the cat?

The Brilliant Brodie
So Brodie, tell Grandma what you learned while you were here.

George Bush is the worst President ever.


55 Comments:

Blogger Chilihead2 said...

Can't. Breathe.

Still. Laughing.

Eat. Cat!

Too. much!

7/24/06, 12:56 AM  
Blogger Chilihead2 said...

OK, I'm a little better now. But seriously. You need to have a t-shirt at Cafe Press with the cat thing on it. That is hilarious.

7/24/06, 12:58 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Hahahahahaha, too freaking funny. Sqeeze your fart...you could sell this shit. Eight sounds like a fun age. Three weeks....you are brave. I am glad you taught him the important things.

7/24/06, 1:15 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

These were hilarious. I think my favorite one was existential brodie...no, analytical brodie....no, no brilliant brodie. Aw, crap they were all so funny I can't decide! LOVED the post.

7/24/06, 1:31 AM  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

Hey Mom, the post, as usual, was a delight but I'm all warm and fuzzy with the thought of you and Nate taking care of your nephew. What an experience for him to get that time, especially with Nate. Good people, you two!

7/24/06, 1:44 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

HA!!!! That's awesome.
And just to add at this time, the 'cat' one would totally make a FABULOUS T-shirt.

7/24/06, 2:20 AM  
Anonymous chelle said...

HAHAHA! Ok you so are talented!! I love your nephew! The place is going to be so quiet now eh?

Glad the time turned out to be so cool.

7/24/06, 2:23 AM  
Blogger Queen Haline said...

You made us all fall in love with Brodie.

7/24/06, 2:39 AM  
Blogger kevin said...

Poor Ben. He's the only boy in class with anywhere from 330 to 500 dimples on each testicle. His dad married Goya. Need I say more?

7/24/06, 3:03 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

FUNNY!

7/24/06, 3:34 AM  
Blogger doow said...

These were brilliant! I keep trying to pick a favourite, but I can't! Bring back Brodie!

7/24/06, 4:48 AM  
Blogger Mega Mom said...

I don't know if that made me eagerly anticipate or anxiously await having 8 year old boys. I'm enjoying the 3,4 and 6 year olds.

7/24/06, 7:16 AM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Funny.

You'll have to get him back again soon for the blog fodder alone.

7/24/06, 7:40 AM  
Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I'm stuck on the cat/peanut butter question.

7/24/06, 8:20 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh, wow, I'm wiping the tears from my eyes and so is my husband 'cause I had to share the Brodie-isms with him. He especially enjoyed the "squeeze, squeeze, squeeze your fart" line. Boys. They never grow up.

But, seriously, would you eat the cat?

7/24/06, 8:21 AM  
Anonymous krista said...

Oh god. That was hilarious. Nice collection you ahve there! Hhaha. I think you might need to borrow him again for awhile for comedic value. He sounds like a cute kid.

7/24/06, 8:32 AM  
Blogger penelopeto said...

um, how can i pretend that i'm actually working at work if i'm laughing so loud?
i have an 8-year old niece that is also priceless. last year they got 12 baby chicks, and she named them all rosey. well, rosey, rosey-rose, lily-rose, pumpkin-rose...

7/24/06, 8:34 AM  
Anonymous Christina/aka Kitty said...

Des would definitely be chunky peanut butter.

These are hilarious! It makes me excited to have an 8 year old. Right now I have to be happy with my three year old sweetly and quietly singing, "Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat, if you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear". My inlaws did a double-take to that one.

Hope Brodie comes to visit again!

7/24/06, 8:37 AM  
Anonymous Mother said...

Go ahead. You can tell me. Did you guys play George Bush darts?

You can't bean an 8-year old kid (that's not yours) for blog fodder.

Will you be my Aunt?

7/24/06, 8:49 AM  
Blogger macboudica said...

Boys are a whole barrel of laughs. The cat question was definately the best!

7/24/06, 9:13 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

I love Brodie.

7/24/06, 9:29 AM  
Anonymous Chase said...

Hahah!! That's too much!

7/24/06, 9:32 AM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

Squeeze squeeze squeeze your fart, gently out your butt...

Great! I'm going to have that melody in my head all day!

7/24/06, 9:51 AM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

No wonder you had a wonderful time with him. What a hilariously funny little guy!

And dude - I'm so teaching the girls the fart song.

7/24/06, 12:07 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Ah, that which I have to look forward. My 2 yr. old already points out when people fart. He already finds it funny. But that could be his mother's fault. Or his father's, considering they both laugh at fart jokes. Yeah, we haven't grown up either.

And President Bush does suck.

7/24/06, 1:22 PM  
Blogger Binky said...

Only you could make having an 8 year old sound that darn enticing. I guess I have something to look forward to after all!

7/24/06, 1:36 PM  
Blogger Silly Hily said...

This is the kind of post that could get me fired. NO Mr. Boss man, I'm working. Promise. See, it's just that the number 8 all of a sudden is hilarious!
They just kept getting better and better and better and better. Forget Brodie visiting you again, send that man my way!

Oh, and one question.....is Grandma going to kill you or praise you for teaching Brodie that W does in fact suck major monkey butt?

7/24/06, 2:39 PM  
Blogger Food Mum said...

Sounds like he absorbed the essence of politics, pretty succinctly!

7/24/06, 3:00 PM  
Blogger Liesl said...

Aw, he soubds like a sweetheart of a boy. And I'm glad you're providing a positive influence in the politics arena :)

7/24/06, 3:29 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

Yeah, yeah...the fart song is funny until you have to live with that crap every. single. day. of. your. life. Unceasing. Never ending. Farts are always funny, and always a ready source of hilarity. And it doesn't stop when they reach adulthood, but this you probably know.

That said...he sounds like a doll and yes, 8 year old boys will chanage your thinking in more ways than one. ;?)

7/24/06, 3:36 PM  
Blogger Stacy said...

Brodie's song gave me a nice little chortle. Thanks. I needed that.

7/24/06, 4:17 PM  
Blogger Bobita said...

My husband called up the stairs, "Is everything okay?" just a moment ago. Why?

Because I am GAFFAWING!! Laughing-outload at such a raucous volume that my behavior inspires intervention!!

BRILLIANT post!

7/24/06, 4:20 PM  
Blogger bea said...

Hee hee! I'm soo going to have the fart song in my head for the rest of the day!
Well done for educating him on American politics :)

7/24/06, 5:36 PM  
Blogger Momma PiƱata said...

What was your answer? Would you eat the cat???

LOL...that child is brillant, hilarious and...well...an 8-year old child :)

7/24/06, 6:45 PM  
Anonymous Onetallmommao said...

That was brilliant! Man, do 8 year old boys love farts...love 'em!

Mine did figure out the cube in 5 minutes...that was a waste of money. No wait...I'm still trying to figure it out. I should have never breastfed any of them. They're all smarter then their mom!

7/24/06, 7:10 PM  
Blogger C. said...

Absolutely love it! That is too much...esp. the cat one!

Oh and can I send my 7 yr old over for some political education? : )

7/24/06, 8:22 PM  
Blogger zygote daddy said...

You make me very excited that we are having a boy. Thanks for the reassurrance -- I was getting kind of nervous there for a while...

7/24/06, 8:49 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Oh my. I have an almost-8 yo and this all sounds vaguely familiar. Love his lament over the Nintendo! Reminds me of the moive The Sixth Sense - {whispers} "I see Nintendo DS."

7/24/06, 8:51 PM  
Blogger DaniGirl said...

Very very funny post. And scary, from the perspective of a mother of a set of two and four year old boys. Very very funny, and very very scary...

7/24/06, 8:59 PM  
Blogger soleclaw said...

oh my goodness...I'm literally laughing out loud...while the baby is sleeping. That's rare!

7/24/06, 9:29 PM  
Anonymous neva said...

i had strains of Harry Nilson's "Best Friend" (Courtship of Eddie's Father) running through my head as i read this post. by the time i got to the end, one tear had slowly worked it's way down my cheek.

i love Brodie. you did good. xoxo

7/24/06, 10:38 PM  
Anonymous Joel said...

What a great post...totally captured that eight year old voice.

7/24/06, 10:47 PM  
Blogger Waya said...

That's hilarious about the "row row row your boat" song. Leave it to an 8 y/o to be so carefree and imaginative.

7/24/06, 11:02 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

Yeah, I have an eight-year-old ,whom I gave birth, to who lives here full time. You got the whole 8-year-old experience down pat. Except to have the TRUE experience you need a 5-year-old boy to go along with the 8. Cuz what the 8 doesn't think up the 5 will and 9 times out of 10 it's digusting or they want something! Either way it's quite tiring/funny/revolting/sweet and never ending!

"Mom when I get out of the pool my pee pee turns BLUE!"

"that's nice honey, please go get dressed before you creep out the ice cream man!" :)

7/24/06, 11:11 PM  
Anonymous Nila said...

This was a hilarious. You definetly learned a lot about 8 year old boys. Probably more than you ever cared to know. You're the best aunt ever.

7/24/06, 11:40 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

How cool that he's still alive and your still not only alive but still sane!!!! Yeay! Sounds like overall it was a fun experience. Yup. Boys are different. And Its nice to know that in four years my son will still be making up fart songs. Gah...

7/24/06, 11:56 PM  
Blogger Blog-o-licious said...

Awesome little boy, what a treasure of a summer he will remember....and you too!

7/25/06, 1:17 AM  
Blogger J said...

Too friggin hilarious! He's a treasure. Print that one up and save it for when he's 35. He'll appreciate it.

7/25/06, 1:49 AM  
Blogger Mama of 2 said...

That was priceless! What a great laugh and since I have my own 9 year old I know how true all of those statements were.

Glad you and nephew survived.

7/25/06, 7:44 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

Whoever thought an 8 year old boy could provide hours of endless entertainment....hilarious!

7/25/06, 9:08 AM  
Blogger Marie said...

Can't Brodie just live with you?!?

I mean... think of the blog fodder!!

7/25/06, 9:37 AM  
Anonymous standing still said...

One of the most wonderful things about parenting long enough is being able to see that your political views are passed on to your Child. Case in point at our house:

Walmart ad comes on T.V. Child says, "Boo, hiss."

George Bush comes on T.V. Child says, "Mom, George Bush is evil isn't he."

Photos of Iraq come on T.V. Child says, "I think there ought to be a law against wars."

7/25/06, 10:02 AM  
Blogger NursePam said...

LOL! I knew there was a reason I always wanted a little boy. So much to learn. So little time. Love the fart song ;^)

7/25/06, 10:23 AM  
Anonymous Gurukarm said...

ROTFLOL!!!! And, I SO loved your post about "spank the monkey" - I hope this kid gets to remember the summer he spent with his coolest auntie and uncle for the rest of his life! You certainly will! :-)

7/25/06, 5:12 PM  
Blogger Lola said...

HI-larious

7/26/06, 2:25 AM  

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