11.08.2006

Our House is a Very Very Very Fine House

The following is a transcript of an actual phone call last night, taped surreptitiously and obtained through purely illegal means. Take that, Novak.

SFX: Ring, ring

Female Voice: Hello, Nancy Pelosi.

(silence)

Female Voice: Hello, Nancy Pelosi.

Male Voice: Uh...

(long pause)

Female voice: Is someone there?

Male Voice: Land shark.

Female Voice: Excuse me?

Male Voice: Avon calling.

Female Voice: Who is this?

Male Voice: Uh...Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Because um...oh wait, is that how it goes? No wait...

Female Voice: Mr. President? Is that you?

Male Voice: No! I mean, Land Shark. Did I do that one already?

Female Voice 2: (Quieter, off the receiver) Oh stop it George. Just stop it.

Female Voice: Mr. President?

Male Voice: Is your refrigerator running? Better catch it. Ha!

Female Voice: Mr. President, I know that's you. I can hear Laura in the background.

Female Voice 2: Just say it George.

Male Voice: (whiny, childlike, insincere) Congratulaaaaaatiooooooons.

Female Voice: Well thank you Mr. President. I know there's been some tension between us in the past but I certainly hope that...

Male Voice: Hey! Van Wilder is on the comedy channel. Gotta go.

SFX: Click

Female Voice: Mr. President? Mr. President?


53 Comments:

Blogger Mrs. Chicken said...

I'm the first commenter? Dude!

This was HILARIOUS. Thanks for the pre-coffee laugh. Today is a much brighter morning than we've had in oh, about a decade, yes?

And I hope you are feeling well.

11/8/06, 9:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11/8/06, 9:14 AM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

Not hilarious? Maybe someone followed me over from my own blogroll and planted an unkind "anonymous" comment on your blog. Or...maybe it's not him since he usually misspells EVERYTHING. You gotta disable your anonymous commets, if only to keep out the folks who don't have the balls to sign their own name.

11/8/06, 9:25 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I'm snickering as only a Democrat can. Apparently anon is not.

Sore loser.

11/8/06, 9:26 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Need I even say that dissent is welcome, but anonymous pussies are not? Tata, anonymous.

11/8/06, 9:31 AM  
Blogger Waya said...

That was so funny Liz! I can totally see him doing that too. This is so SNL like.

11/8/06, 9:31 AM  
Blogger Vikki said...

Sadly, he probably wouldn't even be able to get these jokes delivered without a speech writer.

11/8/06, 9:52 AM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

This is hilarious!

OH, I would SO like to be a fly on the wall for that phone call. . .

Why can I only think of this: "Georgie Porgie, Pudding Pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry, when the boys came out to play, Georgie Porgie Ran away". Should be an interesting two years!

11/8/06, 9:55 AM  
Blogger RenĂ©e said...

Ha! I'm doing backflips from the couch to the loveseat. I'm celebrating by eating an entire pan of brownies (well I was going to eat them regardless). I'm flippin' here dude!

11/8/06, 10:09 AM  
Anonymous madge said...

While I am skeptical of the origins of the tape I will concede The First Lady does hold some sway. Enough to force a semi-gracious, partially-literate congratulatory call? Mmmm, I think not.

She was probably standing in front of the locked liquor cabinet armed with a double-barreled shot gun reminding him how he was saved. The new W wouldn't allow the Freedom Haters to get him down. Raht, Honay!?!

11/8/06, 10:11 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Too funny! It's a good day, isn't it?

Now keep fingers crossed for Montana and Virgina.

11/8/06, 10:15 AM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

I have to say, if he is still that juvenile lo these many years after Yale, I would have liked dubya. It's just that pesky Iraq deal, and the trampling of the constitution, and treating the country like it were his friends' personal employer. ... that stuff that makes me not amused.

11/8/06, 10:38 AM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

Ok. ok. ok. ok. I feel guilty. I lied.
I never would have liked him.

11/8/06, 10:42 AM  
Anonymous Mir said...

Bwahahahahaha....

11/8/06, 10:45 AM  
Blogger Jozet said...

Can I get a WHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Can I get a HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!


And LOL at the phone call!!!

11/8/06, 10:47 AM  
Anonymous mrs. Q said...

I wondered how that phonecall went. I wish it was a video conference because I bet he was making loopy-finger motions near his head and slipping her the bird.

WHEEEEEE!!!!!

11/8/06, 10:47 AM  
Anonymous Dana said...

You have such a creative imagination! :) That was cute.

11/8/06, 10:58 AM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

You rock.

Was looking forward to your reaction on the results. Your next door neighbours are so happy to hear about the balanced change that is happening for our friends.

11/8/06, 11:19 AM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

HAAAAA!

I wonder what the Prez has in store for the lunch he just invited her to? Whoopee cushions and a dribble glass, perhaps? Or maybe he'll just have Barney leave a little "gift" under her chair! He probably has Karl Rove running over the Spencer Gifts right now to pick a few of those items!

11/8/06, 11:29 AM  
Blogger stefanierj said...

Hee hee hee. This makes up for living in The Reddest State In the Union.

11/8/06, 11:34 AM  
Blogger Stephanie T. said...

I'll just echo stefanierj.

11/8/06, 11:43 AM  
Blogger carrie said...

Hee Hee . . . smiling over here too!

Carrie

11/8/06, 11:58 AM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Hee. Love you, Liz.

BUT you forgot the:

"Nancy Pelosi? Hmmm. Name rings a bell. Let's see... Where do I know you from again?"

11/8/06, 12:56 PM  
Blogger Suz said...

I was just wishing this morning that I could have been a fly on the wall for that call. Now, I know. Thanks ;-)

11/8/06, 1:08 PM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

I am feeling so good today it has actually affected my clothing choices. I'm wearing a red, white and blue accented scarf. Happiness is patriotic!

11/8/06, 1:38 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Proud to say that I contributed to the power shift. But don't tell my mommy and daddy, okay?

11/8/06, 1:47 PM  
Blogger Mombat said...

Bush's press conference today was pretty similar. I liked especially when he said "I thought we were going to do well yesterday. Shows what I know!" Uh, yeah. Squat.

11/8/06, 1:49 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Too fucking funny.

I only wish that moron who was re-elected Govenor here had been shiped back to Kali-Fooor-Kneeaaaa, whereever that is. ;)

11/8/06, 1:59 PM  
Blogger BlogWhore said...

Ha ha

11/8/06, 4:04 PM  
Blogger kfk said...

NO! You didn't.

11/8/06, 5:18 PM  
Blogger happygal said...

Woo hoo! Go Nancy Pelosi!

So nice to finally wake up post-election day and not feel like we were hit with a brick.

Are you sure the voice in the bkrd isn't Condaleeeza?

11/8/06, 5:24 PM  
Anonymous Emiy said...

OMG you are too funny. Thank you.

11/8/06, 5:32 PM  
Blogger ECR said...

Hee hee. That reminds me of my all time favorite skit: the George and Condi "Who's on First" spin-off where Condi is all "Hu is the president of China" and he's all "I don't know, will you just tell me?"

11/8/06, 6:02 PM  
Blogger tracey said...

Our party is in the house! Wheeee.

11/8/06, 6:09 PM  
Blogger jen said...

ha. perfect.

and it's Madame Speaker, to you.

11/8/06, 6:24 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

deliiiiiiiicious.

so, so very tasty, this boon that is the Democrats winning BOTH the house AND the senate.

and, three words that make my heart sing: Raising. Minimum. Wage.

*face cracks under pressure of enormous beaming grin*

11/9/06, 12:41 AM  
Blogger Lumpyheadsmom said...

I'm very frightened by "Democrats in Charge." It's a very good thing, but I'm still frightened.

11/9/06, 5:08 AM  
Blogger Reff said...

Funny parody, but I think the truth will be stranger than fiction. I'm a happy Dem these days. We have Congress. Rummy is done. But this will make taking back the Whitehouse in '08 a bit harder since we won't have that negative wave to ride on anymore. We'll be expected to deliver some results; "not being Bush" won't be good enough. And with the Senate in the balance, the next campaigns will be super-uber-ultra-maxi nasty. Not sure if I'm backing Obama or Hillary yet.

11/9/06, 8:39 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

HA! Funny, I can totally seeing George making that phone call....

11/9/06, 8:42 AM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

Wheeeee! Liz, you consistently crack me up. Land shark...hehehe!

I feel I can breathe easier since the results have rolled in. :-) (Especially with pollution-friendly creeps like Pombo out of office now.)

11/9/06, 11:32 AM  
Blogger penelopeto said...

too funny. good election, friends. this canadian gal is pleased.

11/9/06, 11:51 AM  
Anonymous Binkytown said...

Why do I suspect that the reality of that is very similar to what you wrote? Oh yeah, because he's completely out of touch. Bye Bye Donald- yippeee!

11/9/06, 11:54 AM  
Blogger sweetney said...

you are now officially DA BOMB.

(not that you weren't bomb-like before... oh shit, you know know what i mean.)

11/9/06, 12:57 PM  
Blogger Queen Haline said...

I have it on very good authority that this conversation actually took place.

Wrote a blog about the elections today, too. Can't help but giggle uncontrolabely today.

11/9/06, 2:07 PM  
Anonymous Crissy said...

We all need that! Thanks.

11/9/06, 3:19 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Funny! Love the reference to the old Lorraine Newman skit with the shark on SNL when it was actually a funny show.

11/9/06, 3:31 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

lol...hilarious!

Did you catch when Georgie made a funny by telling everyone he recommended some Republican decorators to help Nancy Pelosi pick out curtains for her office?

Boooo!

In other words, this phone call was way funnier than the real thing :)

11/9/06, 4:56 PM  
Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

We're still celebrating here. Although Kiyomi was crushed to hear that after all of this, Bush was still president.

(What kind of idiot uses '...a thumpin'" in a news conference?)

11/9/06, 8:08 PM  
Anonymous Wendy boucher said...

I've already bragged that I met Nancy Pelosi two weeks ago. But that never stops me from bragging again. I MET NANCY PELOSI. She is awesome. I told her to save the environment. I only had a couple of minutes with her and that seemed the most critical seeing how she's got most everything else covered.

11/9/06, 8:28 PM  
Blogger Virtualsprite said...

Funny!!!!!!! I love it. I've been wearing blue underwear for days in celebration of great dem victory. Woo hoo!!!!

11/9/06, 11:37 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

This was awesome. (Ok. I say that to you alot. But really? I MEAN it every time. You ALWAYS delivah the BEST stuff!)

11/9/06, 11:59 PM  
Anonymous neva said...

for an encore, can we eavesdrop in on the conversation between Rick Santorum and Bob Casey last Tuesday? because in my head, that one's hilarious, too! (sigh. such a dreamy election day, n'est pas?) xox

11/12/06, 3:23 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

Thank you! Too darn funny.

11/13/06, 8:52 AM  

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