1.18.2007

If I'm the Pregnant One, How Come Everyone Else's IQ Seems to be Dropping?

I consider myself lucky. Mostly, so far, I have been spared the groping hands of strangers, the terrible unwanted advice, the annoying repetitive questions (when are you due/ do you want to know what you're having/ what is it/ do you have a name picked out/ so what are the contenders/ oh come on you can tell me/ I promise I won't tell anyone / what's your problem/ fine be that way) that every pregnant woman turns into her cache of war stories.

Perhaps this is a factor if it being the second pregnancy. Maybe there's something in my walk, in my poise, in my general aura that says, "got it down, now go away." Or maybe I've just been lucky.

But there is one question whose response seems to warrant retorts from people that are so beyond stupid, it's amazing: How old will Thalia be when the baby is born?
"They'll be 22 months apart."
"Wow, that's crazy."

"They'll be 22 months apart."
"Do you know what you're getting into?"

"They'll be 22 months apart."
"Wait until you see how much harder it is this time."

"They'll be 22 months apart."
"Mine are 2 years apart. It's a nightmare."

"They'll be 22 months apart."
"Well good luck. You'll need it."

"They'll be 22 months apart."
"Really? You planned it that way?"

Are people just senseless? Clueless? Socially retarded? Do they think that their need to express their own fears or difficulties somehow trumps my own need for reassurance and kindness right now? It's about ME, people! ME. You know, the anxious pregnant lady with the 18 month old in the stroller standing in front of you. Not you. Isn't there something positive to be said, some sort of optimistic comment about how close the kids will be, or how great it is to get all this pregnancy business over with, or how lucky I am to have milked the blessings of the fertility gods before hitting forty when they're far less cooperative--instead of jumping right to "you stupid fucking no-thinking breeder?"

Okay, no one's said that but it sure comes out that way.

Or maybe it's the hormones.

So I admit, there has been one other series of comments that stuck with me over the past week. They came from the mouth of my old friend (that's "friend") Single Childless 40-Something Coworker, that goldmine of clumsy quips and inadvertent insults, who I encountered once again on my business trip last week.

(Oh lord, please don't dooce me for this.)

"You don't look pregnant," she said to me accusingly when I first walked into the office.

Which means what? I normally have a huge distended belly? Boobs that enter the room five minutes before the rest of me? An ass just made for the new office's double-wide doorways? An overabundance of elastic in my wardrobe? Coats that won't button?

"I'm faking it," I responded. "You got me."

Ugh, there are easily ten better comebacks I could have mustered, but for some reason, I'm always dumbstruck in her presence.

I can only imagine it was a failed attempt to redeem herself the next day when she glanced up and down at my swollen figure and announced, "Oh you TOTALLY look pregnant today. MUCH bigger."


102 Comments:

Anonymous Dee Dee said...

My kids are 23 months apart. It is very hard at first but now that they are almost 2 and almost 4, it is wonderful. When they wake up in the morning, they immediately look for the other. They play together in the basement while my husband and I snuggle on the couch. They love each other more than I ever thought possible. You will love it.

1/18/07, 8:49 PM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

Next time, just tell your coworker, "By the way, when are YOU due?" Should shut her up pretty quickly.

1/18/07, 9:01 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Dam it, Metro beat me too it. It hard to think of combacks in the moment. I have millions of them....about ten minutes later. Liz, seriously you should have told her today, yes I am bigger, but in a few months after the baby is born I'll weigh less again and you'll still be a bitch.

I met a woman today with 19 month old triplets and a 6 week old. I am in awe of her. You'll do fine, you are a strong woman and a great mama.

1/18/07, 9:22 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

Forty-something childless blogger here: It will be so cool for your kids to be close in age. My sister and brother are 2 years apart and have always been the best of pals. And you look marvelous, as always.

1/18/07, 9:54 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Well, I only have one, but I think there is something to be said for having two close in age. They will play better together, and they will probably be closer as adults.

1/18/07, 9:56 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

Delurking to say that I so know where you're coming from with this post! I had jury duty a few months back (when I was about 6 months pg--now I'm 36 weeks). One of the other potential jurors cornered me in the bathroom and started asking questions--is this your first? blah blah blah. After I said I had a daughter at home who would be about 19-20 months when this new baby girl is born, I got the 'wow, that's really close, did you plan it that way?' asshat question.

Seriously, where do these people get their nerve from?

I'm sure there are pros and cons both to having your children close together and having them farther apart. It's a personal decision and no one's business outside of yours and your spouse's/partner's/etc. I wish I had a good come back line for folks who get all intrusive like that. Until I come up with something, I'll just continue to shoot them my patented "ass face." Works every time to help make them feel stupid.

1/18/07, 9:57 PM  
Blogger Gaia said...

My boys are 22 months apart (60 days between birthdays exactly) and it's GREAT. Seriously. I can't imagine doing it any other way.

Sure, both were in diapers together, but I wouldn't have potty trained the older any sooner, so this way it was less total years being in the diaper phase.

There was no learning curve with nursing, the older had only stopped nursing a few months before.

They've always been best friends. The older doesn't remember ever being an only and there were never any issues with bringing in the new baby.

PLUS - your older will still be playing with baby safe toys, so you won't have to worry too much about choking hazards left on the floor.

I can go on and on. Needless to say, I would recommend it to anyone.

The only weird downside? People have thought they were twins since they were 2&4 and totally expect too much of the younger child.

1/18/07, 10:09 PM  
Anonymous carmen said...

My #5 and #6 were only 17 months apart, so I feel your pain. They are today the best of friends. Gaia actually said everything that I was going to say.

1/18/07, 10:22 PM  
Anonymous mrs. Q said...

That woman is retahded. Seriously.

1/18/07, 10:24 PM  
Anonymous Lizzyracecar said...

The feely hands and repetitive questions are bad, but what about when someone bends down and talks to, or worse, KISSES your belly? Eeek!

Also, now that I am within two weeks of my due date, people keep asking me incredulously "what are you doing out?" Guess I'm supposed to stay locked away at home and pass my time by knitting.

1/18/07, 10:51 PM  
Blogger Karyn said...

People are just passing their bullshit issues on to you. Deflect them, Mom101! Deflect them with your charm, your wit, your snappy retorts.

Mine were 28 months apart. There were days it was hell; there were days it was great. I'm not sure I won't do it again. There is no easy answer. All that matters is that baby is healthy and loved; all the rest is negotiable.

Fuck 'em.

1/18/07, 10:56 PM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

Mine are 21 months apart, if I can survive I am sure you will. It is a bit insane at first but then any time you have a baby it is crazy for awhile. I love that my kids can play together now and like a lot of the same things.

1/18/07, 11:30 PM  
Anonymous flybunny said...

Mine are 17 months apart and now at 8&9 are each others best friend and worst enemy - sometimes in the same minute. It will be interesting to see how the dynamics change as we bring #3 into the mix a mere 8 years later....

With #1, I was the typical crabby pregnant lady and the week I was due, I was out running errands and the multitudes kept asking when I was due so I started telling them August which was 3 months later just to dare them to say something else. I took great pleasure in making total strangers completely uncomfortable.

1/18/07, 11:41 PM  
Anonymous Johnathan said...

Just adding to the chorus here -- 22 months apart rocks. Sure it was a little harder at first, but now (at 6, 4, 2 1/2, and 8 months) my kids keep each other entertained and happy (most of the time).

1/18/07, 11:57 PM  
Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

My kids were two minutes apart. I think your planning was very wise.

1/19/07, 12:02 AM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

What. the. fuck.

Glad to see that even New Yorkers still can't muster any sort of decency when it comes to dealing with pregnant women. I got quite a few queries along the lines of "Were you trying?" and "Are you happy?"

Again - what. the. fuck.

1/19/07, 12:35 AM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Someone asked an inappropriate question of a my friend when I was around, and I heard her say, "My, that's a very personal question!" with exaggerated shock. She received a profusion of apologies.

1/19/07, 1:17 AM  
Blogger margalit said...

As Sarah said, my kids are 7 minutes apart. I think I was very wise in the way I planned it, having more than 5 minutes to catch my breath before having to push out a second one!

What a dweeb your coworker is.

My brother and I are 11 months apart. Now THAT is bad planning!

1/19/07, 1:28 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Lady M: I have done this. It works very well! Your friend is wise.

Gaia: Thanks for all the reassurances. I love the toy aspect. I had never even considered that.

Sarah: Hilarious. Two snorts to you.

Johnathan: You are my hero. I will think of you and your four under 6 whenever the going starts to get tough.

1/19/07, 1:37 AM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

"You don't look pregnant" is only a compliment when one has a figure like a stick of gum. Otherwise? Rude and worthy of being horsewhipped.

1/19/07, 1:49 AM  
Blogger Queen Haline said...

Ahh... those people never had twins!

But I loved your "I'm faking it!" response. I would say that because you look and feel so much better this time you surprised her!

1/19/07, 1:50 AM  
Blogger modmom said...

hopefully she meant that the rest of you was in great shape.
i heart mom101
be my valentine!

1/19/07, 1:56 AM  
Anonymous AdventureDad said...

Yes people are senseless, clueless, and socially retarded. Also often stupid.

Having a second child is a challenge any way you look at it. Our kids are 2.5 years apart and that works very well for us. The only thing we tried to avoid was to have them too close. My wife would have killed me if she got pregnant when our son was four months old. come to think of it, maybe that's whey we never have sex any more:-)

Having the kids further apart would be tough for me. To start with diaper stuff when my son is 8 would be rough but I would of course do it if we were blessed with a child later on.

From my experience, teh key to having a good family life will not be your newborn. It will be how well your older child behaves. If you have a nice, fairly well behaving kid, chances are it will be a great time. If your older child has the terrible twos syndrome for a whole year, you're in for a challenge.

Best of luck and nice weekend

AD

1/19/07, 3:14 AM  
Blogger Lumpyheadsmom said...

When #2 arrives on Tuesday (or before, if she cooperates), she'll be 20 months younger than Lumpyhead. When people remark on the spacing, I tell them my husband will be very busy. That usually confuses them enough to shut them up.

1/19/07, 6:42 AM  
Blogger Chrissy said...

I have 4 kids 19, 18, 16 & 1. So I've gotten "looks" & "comments" most of my adult life. First two are 18 months apart, third one came 2yrs and 1 week later and the fourth, well, he came along alot later, obviously.

I just tell everyone I got alot of love to give and who better to give it to than my kids.

Oh,
and the old faithful response
"Back Off Bitch!"
tends to work in a pinch.
:-)

1/19/07, 7:28 AM  
Blogger aka_Meritt said...

... umm, mine are 20 months apart. Yeah we wanted it that way. Yes I loved it. No, it wasn't THAT hard.

Ignore them.

1/19/07, 8:26 AM  
Anonymous Kristen said...

Living your nightmare. Mine will be 24 months apart exactly.

"Other than the fact that you could have timed that better, how cruel a mother are you to make them possibly share a birthday?"

Repeatedly said to me.

The kind of mother that will have to miss out on chocolate cake for her birthday (the heartburn), a pitcher of red ruby martinis for her birthday (FAS) and a decent night's sleep on her birthday (going to be 39 weeks pregnant and all).

I hope this one is as big a hellion as his brother. Boring children suck.

1/19/07, 8:40 AM  
Anonymous Jackie said...

Having just brough home #2 a month ago and #1 just tunred 2 last week, I can say with a fair amount of confidence that it's not so bad. I would have to say that the hardest part is that, in my case anyway, I had forgotten what life was like with a new born.

1/19/07, 8:41 AM  
Blogger bubandpie said...

Mine are 20 months apart, and like everybody else here, I LOVE it. There was a period when I had to run interference between them, but now the Pie is pretty much able to keep up with her brother in everything, so the law of the jungle prevails. (She's learned to get very good at the rolling landing when she gets pushed over - within seconds she's up-and-at-em again.)

When they're this close together, you don't have time to forget everything you learned the first time; there's not a huge adjustment to the arrival of the new baby because you're still IN baby mode, to a certain extent.

And personally I enjoy the gasps when I mention that I have "a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old": I figure I've earned it.

1/19/07, 8:51 AM  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

There are 18 months between my first and second and 18 months between my second and third. My take was once the diapering, teething,(insert any stage here) is over it's over. Don't get the people who safely make it out of some stage (sleepless newborn) and then turn around and do it again. My way led to some insanity but mostly has been good.

And for the perspective at the other end--my sister and I are also 18 months apart and neither of us has been in prison. (So far...)

1/19/07, 8:52 AM  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

There are 18 months between my first and second and 18 months between my second and third. My take was once the diapering, teething,(insert any stage here) is over it's over. Don't get the people who safely make it out of some stage (sleepless newborn) and then turn around and do it again. My way led to some insanity but mostly has been good.

And for the perspective at the other end--my sister and I are also 18 months apart and neither of us has been in prison. (So far...)

1/19/07, 8:55 AM  
Anonymous Mir said...

(I haven't read the other comments, so apologies if fifty people already told you this....)

Mine are 20 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, I don't remember much about the first year (but do you really, ever?), but they adore each other, I rarely have to figure out activities in terms of what she'll like but he's capable of, etc. PLUS, you're out of the diaper phase that much sooner. (I always tell people I had them that close together because I knew that if I ever got out of diapers I'd never go back again.)

My brother and I are 3+ years apart and never really had much in common, were rarely in the same school at the same time, etc. My two are going to be pals for life. And so will yours.

1/19/07, 8:55 AM  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/19/07, 8:58 AM  
Blogger penelopeto said...

har har.

me and my big sis are 22 months apart, and i could not wish a better relationship on a pair of sisters.

1/19/07, 9:00 AM  
Anonymous MJ said...

As the mother of twins, I can totally relate to people's insensitivity. If I had a dime for every time some complete stranger said to me "oh double trouble," I'd be rich. Beyond imagination. I usually responded, "no, double the joy." I do believe I once said something along the lines of "why would you say something like that?" Sometimes I'd say, "Yes, I'm planning to sell one of them." Surprisingly, some people got rather uppity with me when I didn't agree with them that twins were too much work. Children are work, but they're also bring unbelievable joy. Why not focus on the joy?

Of course, this comment was only surpassed in rudeness by the complete strangers who asked whether I'd used fertility treatments. I'm not sure why these people felt I'd want to discuss my reproductive life with them, but they did.

1/19/07, 9:58 AM  
Anonymous MJ said...

I didn't say it but should have that, of course, two children close together is very possible, very chaotic, very fun, and very fantastic.

1/19/07, 10:08 AM  
Anonymous Liz said...

Feh...stupid people really don't bother me, anymore. I guess I'm immune to their stupid quips or perhaps too busy counting heads, or something.

It's hard not to listen, though, and I used to think that perhaps some of those stupid people were right.

Once #3 came along, all thinking sort of...you know...stopped.

Or, was it after #4?!?!

Ooops - don't worry, that small popping sound you just heard was just another one of my brain cells burning up - good thing I'm just another stupid breeder, huh!?!? ;o)

1/19/07, 10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My kids are 12 months, 11 days apart. It was really weird walking around with a 9 month old, being 6 months pregnant. The universal (asshat) question that I got asked was "Don't you know what causes that?"
But, really, it was great in so many ways. Once they were both toddlers they played really well together. I think this actually gave me more time to read, clean, cook, etc, because they would entertain one another.
Jennifer

1/19/07, 11:26 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

OOOo did you punch her? I had someone tell me after coming back to work on a monday, "Oh, jeez, you look even BIGGER than you did on friday!", I said "No shit, that happens, EVERY DAY until the baby pops out, thanks for noticing!". Hang in there, and congratulations!

1/19/07, 11:26 AM  
Anonymous laurie said...

everyone out there who has two kids -- any number of years apart, doesn't matter how many -- raise your hand.

okay, ummm, you. over there by the window. yes. how many years apart are your kids? 3? and was it easy? no?

alright moving on, how about you over there, drinking the starbucks mega-enormo double chocolate caff-whammo. how far apart are your kids? 5 years? and how was that for you? easy? no?

okay, next. there's one -- you with the doublewide stroller. how bout your kids? 1 minute apart? oho, tricky! how bout it? easy or no? no, huh?

that's funny. hmmm. (taps chin with index finger, eyes pointed upward.) might it be that NO MATTER HOW YOU SPACE THEM OUT, HAVING KIDS IS FUCKING HARD?

1/19/07, 11:34 AM  
Anonymous TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

I think you're absolutely brilliant for timing them this way. People really ought to think before they speak (or utilize the anonymity of the internet, where bloggers like us can utilize our delete button).

Just think about how CLOSE those children will be to each other-after the sibling rivalry has subsided, they'll be the best of friends!

Oh yes...and it is not more difficult because of how close or far apart you spaced them-the only difficulty is, you guessed it, parenting itself.

1/19/07, 11:38 AM  
Blogger Denice said...

I'm still working on baby #1, but I got bloody sick and tired of people asking if this baby was an accident when we told people we were pregnant. I expected it from my close friends and family since we waited so long to have kids. But people I barely knew? I was speechless! Where do people get the nerve to ask such personal questions?

1/19/07, 12:31 PM  
Blogger NG said...

"They'll be 22 months apart."

"Terrific... they're going to be best friends and always have each other to lean on as they go throughout life"

Is that any better? Because speaking as someone who was never even in the same school with my brother, I think that's great.

1/19/07, 12:37 PM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Oooh, boo ya!

I drove my husband to work this morning (my former workplace) and he said, "You can drop me off in the front if you want."

"Why would I do that?" I asked.

"I thought you wouldn't want anyone to see you that way," he said sincerely.

Grrr.

1/19/07, 1:17 PM  
Blogger Stephanie A. said...

"or how great it is to get all this pregnancy business over with"

This is what I would have said to you. While I loved being pregnant and having an infant, those were not my favorite stages at all and now that Hugo's a toddler I'm thinking that if we are not pregnant by this time next December, well, then Hugo will be the only heir to our measley, if not completely disorganized, estate. And I'm completely ok with that because I don't want to spread out this pregnancy/infant thing throughout my 30's.

1/19/07, 1:21 PM  
Anonymous Mojo said...

Ok, when my 2nd arrives, the little ones will be not quite 24 months apart. I totally know what you mean about the comments about how close they'll be in age and how hard it will be. I sometimes feel I need to apologize that I'm 2 yrs from 40 and I needed to hop on the wagon now for fear of having "advanced maternal age" issues. But screw them, we don't need to apologize, they do, for making us worry about how tough it will be. Guess what? It will be tough regardless of how close or not close the little ones will be in age. And those negative folks need to learn to edit themselves better. Phew! I guess my rant is over. :-) Just wanted you to know I'm in the same boat and we will survive!

1/19/07, 1:42 PM  
Blogger tracey said...

Some really good friends of ours have daughters 20 months apart (9 and 11 now) and it's awesome for them. She loved it when they were babies, she loves it now. The girls are the best of friends!

And whatever to all those people who say stupid stuff. They said equally as stupid stuff to me and my girls are 5 years apart!

1/19/07, 1:42 PM  
Blogger movin'mom said...

"They'll be 22 months apart."

...and the best of friends(they just won't know that until they are 22 years old) hahahah jk

My first two were 14 months apart....and to this day people still ask me if they are twins.
They have peaks and valleys of being the best of friends and enemies. but it's the moments when they think no one is watching that your heart will melt...and get baby fever all over again.

Next time someone asks how far apart they will be just say...8 months.

and when someone makes the comment of you not "looking pregnant"
just flash 'em yer belly!! Okay....maybe your boobs instead!!

1/19/07, 1:44 PM  
Blogger Piece of Work said...

Mine are 16 months apart, and people used to openly gasp when they saw me. And yeah, it was hard at first, but it was also REALLY fun. And the kids, they are teh best of friends, already.

Now I'm thinking about going for number 3, and that's REALLY crazy.

1/19/07, 1:45 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Lucinda, that man of yours has some balls--both of which are calling for a swift kick.

Mojo: Amen, woman! I'm 38! How much longer would people like me to wait? I feel like I'm vaguely tempting fate as it is.

Thanks EVERYONE for all the encouragement and great support. Ya know, with so many families having children this distance apart, it's a wonder that it's even an issue. It seems to be more the norm than the exception. Hm.

1/19/07, 1:49 PM  
Blogger Fraulein said...

I'm 38, and my daughter (our only child) is 27 months old now. You know what I hear from friends/neighbors/random strangers ALL THE TIME? "When are you having another one? Don't you think it's time?"

How do these people know we haven't decided to only have one, because of our ages, or money issues, or just because maybe we feel more comfortable with one? Hell, for all they know I am deathly ill and couldn't handle another pregnancy. The rudeness defies comprehension!

1/19/07, 2:08 PM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

yeah, when i told certain people that there would be 4 years between the two of our kids, some responses were "never mind."

can't win.



and yes, i do regret that they will not be closer in age--so it's a little harder at first with just a few years apart. what you end up with are two kids that are likely going to be bonded as friends. i am hoping for this with my two, but know when they are 12 and 16, it's not really going to happen. when they get older, and have the bond of thinking their parents are fucking nuts--THEN they will come together. It's my hope, anyway.

1/19/07, 2:09 PM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

My babies are 25 months apart. The most common comment I got was "Boy, you'll sure have your hands full!"

My second baby was so happy and easy going that it wasn't awful at all. It was a lot to manage for about a year, but I didn't drink myself into a stupor at the end of the day. At least, not EVERY day! :)

1/19/07, 2:33 PM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

Julia and Oliver are two years apart. Yeah, it's tough at times, but any idiot is gonna realize that at some point, you know?

The stuff people say to a pregnant woman blows me away. A family friend called me Tubby while I was pregnant with Julia. Dave's grandfather told me I was pudgy just after I'd given birth to her. My next door neighbour cautioned me about weight gain because she could see my "other chin" when I was pregnant with Julia. By the time I got pregnant with Oliver I told people to shut their fucking mouths when they started opening them.

1/19/07, 2:37 PM  
Blogger Kandice said...

I can so relate with your post! My kids are 23 months apart, on purpose thank you very much, and I'm glad to have the very difficult pregnancies behind me. The kids love each other a lot (when they aren't tackling each other, but I digress.)

I've been trying to decide which of these comments said to me when I was pregnant is worse:

By female boss: "You look like you're wearing pajamas. When I was pregnant I just had to buy regular suits in larger sizes." I was in fact wearing business casual apparel from Mimi Maternity and the office environment was business casual.

By random old white guy in Starbucks: "You should consider a water birth." Lots of things were going through my mind, but alas, I remained polite and bit my tongue.

Kandice

http://boardroomtoplayroom.blogspot.com

1/19/07, 3:10 PM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

Um, I always thought kids born closer together would be better friends growing up, since their ages are so close that they tend to hit the phases of life together. Which could make taking care of two that close together and so young easier, since they'll entertain each other.

Next time that coworker says something to you about looking pregnant (if the opportunity ever arises again) you could say, "Funny, you don't LOOK retarded."

Or if you see her when she's pregnant (if she ever gets that way) you could say something along the lines of hoping the baby gets more of the daddy's genes.

I know I'm mean. But stupid/rude people tick me off.

1/19/07, 3:30 PM  
Anonymous chris said...

People are stupid and say stupid things.

I have heard them all... and then some. "Better you than me." "You are crazy." "Ever heard of birth control?" or the ever popular, "Are you going to have anymore?"

close in age is difficult when they are so small and completely dependent on you, but so much easier when they are older and are similar ages and can enjoy the same things (museums, plays, movies, Disney world all come to mind)

1/19/07, 4:15 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

Are you kidding? That was a great comeback!!

My first 2 are 18 months apart, so I TOTALLY know how you must feel. Just wait until they're a little older and people start to think they're twins, then the comebacks get really fun!!!

Carrie ;0)

1/19/07, 4:23 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

"I'm faking it." hahaaaaaaha. That's awesome.

1/19/07, 4:40 PM  
Anonymous dorf said...

My kids are twenty-two months apart, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It was never hard. Never. As soon as Toto became old enough to be a playmate for Dorothy it was delicious to see how close they became. I especially like it when they can complain to one another about me!

1/19/07, 4:53 PM  
Anonymous callie said...

Instead of saying congratulations when we told them we were expecting our second (our kids are 22 months apart):
FIL:Oh, you are really in for it. One will be screaming and the other will too. You better start weaning him off you now."

SIL: Wow, you just get soooo big when you are pregnant, and gee, I just guess I never did.
(update, sil is pregggers with big fat ass right now. All told, I gained exactly 21 pounds per pregnancy and carried it all up front. Boo-YAH.)

other SIL: Look at your tubby wubby...lifting her shirt, and look at my little flat stomach. Yes, someone actually talks like this, and I am related to them now.
Update: now SIL is 1st time pregnant, 6 months along, and gained 65 pounds and going strong...)

MIL: wow. too bad you wasted your masters. My son would have really done something with his. (when I decided to take a childcare leave.)
Sigh.

It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be based on everyone's predictions that fed into my fears. We let our son ask for what he needed, and didn't push the big brother thing, and he adjusted quite well. The second was much easier, maybe a little temperment but mostly experience and attitude. Oh, and DH was already trained.

too funny. you get em, mom.

1/19/07, 5:17 PM  
Blogger kfk said...

"They'll be 22 months apart."

You'll find out the truth all on your own. But oh, good luck with that! ;)

1/19/07, 7:10 PM  
Blogger B said...

I feel your pain sister. My girls are 15 months apart. Once #2 is born all the morons in the world say with their stupid faces, "Wow, looks like you've got YOUR hands full!" Har har har--horse laughing all the way out of earshot. It annoys the crap out of me, in case you can't tell.

1/19/07, 7:26 PM  
Blogger Morgan said...

My boys are 18 months apart (the little one is almost 9 months) and I LOVE it. Amazing!

1/19/07, 7:34 PM  
Blogger something blue said...

Really great job on growing extra pregnant overnight! I'm sure you did it just for your coworker.

1/19/07, 9:48 PM  
Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

Mine youngest are 15 months apart. I'll spare you my useless advice. I too get the unwanted tidbits and TMI checks to the tune of "Are they twins?" and "You made the same mistake in spacing your kids out like me."

1/20/07, 12:32 AM  
Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

Did I just type "mine youngest." WTF? I meant, "my youngest." I'm a tard.

1/20/07, 12:33 AM  
Blogger Gaia said...

Oooh, did someone say personal questions?

My favorite moment of my 2nd pregnancy was when a corporate guy was visiting our office and saw my very prominent 8 month pregnant belly. I carried all out front and he had approached me from the rear, so he was taken aback when he saw my tummy.

Poor guy stuttered and said "when did this happen?" He had been in the office about 6 months before and I hadn't told anyone yet, so he had no idea. He left a skinny woman and came back to a huge pregnant woman.

But "when did this happen?"!!? I laughed and said "well, it was a stormy night in October ... oh wait, that's not what you meant, I'm due next month".

1/20/07, 1:29 AM  
Blogger The other me said...

I had 2, 23 months apart...fabulous, perfect in every way. Had 2, 2o months apart....perfect, worked beautifully. HAd an 11 YEAR GAP, don't do that, that was tough. Had 2, 11 MONTHS apart, really, I am still sort of traumatised by that although they get on great now ( they are 5 and 6) then had another one 23 months after the 11 month gap thing, let me say that 22/ 24 months aprat is the BEST, no jealousy issues, the first one is old enough that you can snuggle the baby while the bigge one plays .....well done you, it'll be great. Helen, with 6 kids, 21, 19, 17, 6, 5 and 3 and lots of grey hair.

1/20/07, 3:28 AM  
Blogger The Mad Momma said...

mine too will be 22 months apart....and I am tired of ppl and their unwanted and rude and negative reactions.. blogged abt it sometime back at

http://themadmomma.blogspot.com/2006/11/how-are-you-going-to-manage.html
and
http://themadmomma.blogspot.com/2006/09/pregnant-again.html


all the best.. am sure you will do a great job and completely enjoy them.

1/20/07, 4:40 AM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

Could you please spit in your co-workers water some day when she isn't looking? Ugh!

Better yet, whenever you see her, just say to her sweetly, "Oh, you look tired!" That makes people crazy.

No matter what their spacing, kids will delight you some days, make you crazy other days. I doubt very much that those whose kids are 5 years apart are saying what a cakewalk it is!

1/20/07, 7:48 AM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

"I'm faking it. You got me"

Can not stop laughing.

1/20/07, 9:40 AM  
Anonymous surcie said...

Someone I barely know asked me if I was planning to have more children. (My only child is 3 and 1/2.) I told her I wasn't sure and she replied, "By the time you have another baby, the age difference will be pretty big. I tend to think it's better to have them closer." Guess that means I'm too late. What to say? Thanks for the tip?

My point (and I do have one) is you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. It all comes out in the wash. You can't win for losing. Six of one, half dozen of dozen of the other. Que sera sera. It is what it is.

1/20/07, 11:23 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

It will be brillant! Your girls will love each other and have built in playmates! Aren't you glad to get all of the pregnany businiess over with quickly?

(Was that good? Do you feel better? I hope so!)

1/20/07, 12:46 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

I can totally tell that you're pregnant from here. You're what? 18 months along now? Or is that twins you're carrying?

1/20/07, 1:46 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

My boys are 23 months apart and they are the best of friends and the worst of enemies. BUT, even if the were freakin' 48 months apart, I would be saying, they are the best of friends and the worst of enemies!

1/20/07, 2:25 PM  
Blogger slouching mom said...

The interchange with your coworker sounds so familiar to me. When I was 38 weeks pregnant, an acquaintance came up to me, beaming, and said, "You had the baby!"

Uhhh...no. Did I really look that big *before* I got pregnant?

1/20/07, 7:23 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Slouching Mom, that's about the worst thing I've ever heard.

1/20/07, 8:03 PM  
Blogger slouching mom said...

Yes, I know, it was pretty awful. And I'm not even particularly overweight, no more so than the rest of us used-to-be-8's-or-10's and now 12's.

I don't know how some women -- who let's face it as a group are so much more intuitive than men -- can have such colossally poor social skills.

1/20/07, 10:07 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

Out of my playgroup of seven moms, three had a second baby with their first being 18 months (and under). They are all doing just fine.

And I had LOTS of people asking if I was trying again yet only three months after I had my son. I guess I had "breeder" stamped across my forehead?

1/21/07, 1:44 AM  
Blogger Stephanie T. said...

I agree with Carrie and Lisa, your comeback was great! Much more clever than anything I could have come up with on the spot.

1/21/07, 1:54 AM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

I hope at least one person has said "22 months apart? How awesome! Built-in playmates!"

That's what I would say because it's totally true :)

1/21/07, 3:24 AM  
Anonymous rachel said...

lol at the pregnancy comment from your co-worker.

My older 2 are 25 mos apart - it's perfect. they are built-in playmates, and they share many of the same friends, and most of the same interests. Our only real problem is that it feels dorky to invite the same people to 2 parties 1 month apart. So we combined parties last year.

I think having kids close in age is brilliant. But, then, I did it. My 3 are in a nice clump.

1/21/07, 10:09 AM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

i did the 20-24 months apart thing with all of my boys. going from one to two, its harder in a sense of timing. you know getting two kids ready to go at such and such time, other then that, pfft kids are fun and they will be close enough in age to play together


congrats on the new baby :o)

1/21/07, 2:27 PM  
Blogger Mona said...

I was just inundated with stupid observations like, "Do you get morning sickness?" Do you really want to know, Mrs. Stranger-I-Just-Met-Waiting-In-Line?

1/21/07, 2:32 PM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

I have a 22 month old, and a 5 week old and it has been great. There are new challenges...like trying to feed them at the same time, but in many ways it is easier because I don't have the anxiety that I had with my first baby. When I was pregnant had many of the same comments made (including one woman who told me what a hard year I had ahead of me since her kids had the same age difference). And because I carried the majority of my pregnancy weight in front of me, many strangers would tell me they didn't think I would make it to my due-date. I just laughed it off...at least no one asked me if I was having twins...which was a frequent question in my first pregnancy (my son was 9lbs8oz at 38 weeks). Best of luck and have fun with it!

1/21/07, 3:04 PM  
Blogger Brianna said...

I'm pregnant with #2 (due in April) and my kids will be 26 months apart. I know how you feel. I just saw your blog and have a lot to read up on :)

1/21/07, 4:23 PM  
Blogger Mamacita said...

Mine are almost exactly two years apart. I have a friend who has four kids, and the two oldest are. . . seven months apart. That's right. Her second daughter was born, prematurely, seven months after her first daughter. The two girls are NOTHING alike; one is a dainty princess and the other is a roaring tomboy. When she was pregnant with the second, people she barely knew constantly asked her "haven't you had that baby yet?" She told them 'No, I'm six months overdue" and people believed her.

Seriously, most people mean well. They're just stupid.

P.S. Her third and fourth children are two years apart. She said she wanted some space between them. :)

1/21/07, 5:23 PM  
Blogger mamaloo said...

My worst comment came when someone was projecting their own problems on me, when I announced my pregnancy.

Me: I'm pregnant!
Sister: Wow! Are you OK with that?
Me: Yeah, it's funny, but despite the challenges we've been facing financially, I'm super excited and so is hubby.
Sister: Well, it's OK to cry and freak out, you know. When I found out I was pregnant with my second I would cry every day, I was so upset.
Me: Um, no, actually, we're all really happy. I gotta go now, bye.

I get asked the standard stupid questions all the time, but noone has really asked any doosies yet.

1/21/07, 6:55 PM  
Anonymous girl said...

I feel ya sister!

1/21/07, 7:23 PM  
Blogger PeetsMom said...

Mine are 27 months apart. It's fabulous and you will be so very happy! Sure, you'll endure the "why did I do this to myself?" moments, but more often then not, you will be HAPPY and GLAD that it all turned out like this! Just wait and see!

1/21/07, 10:51 PM  
Blogger Queso said...

I think, "I'm faking it. You got me." is brilliant.

1/21/07, 11:16 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

Man, all I get is people telling me:

1.) "You are waiting too long for the second one. Your son is already two-and-a-half and OH MY GOT YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT AGAIN YET? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!? You want to make your son an only child, don't you! Don't you know what happens to only children? They turn into selfish freaks!"

Or,

2.)"What? You might want another baby someday? Don't you know that even thinking about having a second one at all is evil? As if one baby weren't enough! The world is overpopulated! I bet twenty years from now I'll have to wait in line for forty minutes just to get a latte. Thanks a lot."

I second the previous poster who said, damned if you do, damned if you don't . . .

1/22/07, 1:35 AM  
Blogger scarbie doll said...

Here you go -- one from my archives for you -- Top 10 Surefire Ways to Piss-Off a Pregnant Lady.

My sis and I are 16 months apart and we're best friends. Sure, it was tough on my mom in the beginning, but in the long run, it paid off to have us so close together. We take care of each other to this day, and built-in playmates left her a lot of time to catch up on Y&R.

1/22/07, 12:35 PM  
Anonymous FishyGirl said...

My first two are 22 months apart, and it is great. They are so close to each other, built-in playmates, they have each other to depend on and lean on, and you get all the diapers out of the way quickly. And no jealousy because the first one won't remember what it was like without the second after about a week. My second and third are 30 months apart, almost to the day, and the third and the caboose are 33 months apart. The baby is 2 months old and we didn't have a single jealousy issue until now, with the oldest. My kids all get along really well and they love each other to pieces - not to say that they don't fight, but God help you if you are an outsider and take on one of them - you're actually taking on 3 (will be four, I'm sure, once Nemo is old enough to take on anything). There are tough moments, but when are there not? You'll love it.

People are just plain dense sometimes. Lead, I tell you.

1/22/07, 3:29 PM  
Blogger Ericka said...

hmm. well, unfortunately, stupid people don't limit themselves to blathering at pregnant ladies. my typical response is to blink, and then thank them for their *small pause* considered opinion. that usually shuts 'em up.

my brother and i are 22 months apart. mom planned it that way. we nearly killed each other as kids but are close now.

a friend of my mom's had her sons 9 months and 2 weeks apart. the comments she (and her husband) STILL get - 30+ years later - are unbelievable.

Non illigitamus carborundum.

1/23/07, 12:39 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Well hell, my kids are 6-1/2 YEARS apart, and baby #3 will be a full 10-1/2 years younger than his older brother. We get the same goofy ass questions, about being crazy, or "having to start over", etc. People are just stupid, plain & simple.

Enjoy your babies, because they won't stay like that *sniffles the 36w pregnant mom whose eyes tear up everytime she looks at her 1st baby) and enjoy what's left of your pregnancy:)

1/24/07, 9:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My children are 26 months apart. The youngest turned 23 years old the day you wrote this entry in your blog. My kids have, from the very first day, been closer than any two siblings I have ever known. To watch this bond happen and continue to get stronger has been one of the great joys of my life. Enjoy your children, they will be each others best champions.

1/28/07, 10:28 AM  
Anonymous Kellie said...

I realize I'm late responding here, but I had to add to the chorus of: you'll be glad it happened this way. I can almost guarantee it.

It took us almost five years to have Daughter #1. We thought we weren't the most fertile couple around, and I was exclusively BFing DD#1, when, lo and behold, I discovered I was pg with #2. #1 was not even eating baby food. She wasn't crawling. She was a little over 6 months. We were stunned.

#2 came a little early, so they are 14 months apart. I'll be honest: the first year was a bit of a blur. Not a bad blur. I just don't remember a lot of it.

But now? I wouldn't have spaced them any differently if I could have planned it. I LOVE this close sibling thing! My girls are the best of friends, have a built-in playmate pretty much 24/7, love all the same toys, characters, games, and TV shows. They can even share clothes a lot of the time, and when they can't, the hand-me-downs go straight from one dresser into the next.

One day (in the early days) I was in the park swinging Older DD in a toddler seat while wearing Younger DD in a bjorn. Both began to fuss, and I must have looked exhausted. A woman with a 3 and 4 year old (also girls) came over to me and asked how far apart my girls were. I told her, and she said, "Mine are 16 months apart. You may not believe this now, but some day, you'll be really glad they are so close. I know I am. It gets easier. I promise."

Her words gave me hope that day.

Sometime around ages 2 and 3 I realized she WAS right. And now, at ages 4 and 5, I'm still looking for a woman w/a toddler and a baby to whom I can pay that advice forward. Maybe it's you?

I'll keep looking, b/c it was such great advice. To heck w/all the naysayers. Close sibs are the best.

And thanks for visiting my blog. I feel like a celebrity stopped by and said hello today :)

2/5/07, 1:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have four kids--the first two were 16 months apart (quite by accident). After about three years and one miscarriage, number three arrived. Followed by number four 18 months later. That's was totally on purpose. Even it's really hard at first, it's a great thing later in life.

My youngest is 16, and I still tell people that it's great to have them close.

2/7/07, 1:21 PM  
OpenID mrsfinn said...

hahahahahhaa.... I too have felt the sting of the nosey, insensitive people. I found a cure- tell them EVERYTHING!!! Every little disgusting detail. Chances are, you say the words "cervical mucous" ONCE in a conversation. Word will get out... no one will WANT to know anymore!! hahahahahaha.... Of course, I'm just a bitter (secondary) infertile who's just started fertility treatments... and after 2 1/2 years of "WHEN are you guys EVER having kids???!!!!" combined with hormones and the baby machine sis-in-law (2 in <2 years), I get cranky really really easy!!!

11/17/08, 10:09 AM  
Blogger Mama Cas said...

I'm a little late to the party here, but still wanted to comment. You should have SEEN the looks I got when I announced that I was pregnant for the 4th time....and that she would be only 16 months younger than #3....and that we did this ON PURPOSE.

I don't care if your kids are 5 minutes apart, 5 years apart, or 10 years apart....there will be moments that SUCK and moments that are heart-wrenchingly priceless. Only a true assbag would focus on the negative.

I hope your family is doing well!

11/12/09, 1:32 PM  

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