12.17.2007

3 Things That Pissed Me Off Today and One That Should Have But Didn't

1. Every feel like your office is like The Office? But not in the having an affair with the cute coworker way but more like...

well,

yeah.

2. For some reason the candidates don't want to talk to BlogHer's 7.6 million female readers but hey, a couple of them have offered up their spouses. I will only take that offer from Senator Clinton.

3.This email came via the MIL (who I like) in, sadly, a non-ironic way, via some dipshit or another that I don't know, but evidently shares genetic material with Nate somehow.
This is too true to be very funny

The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the "politicians" spending
YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend [blah blah stupid f*ckity blahblahblah]

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

[B-D blah blah blah not clever enough to reprint blah...]

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and
20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division...Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION [sic] to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787. [NB: 204,400 homes alone were destroyed in Katrina so no clue where this number comes from.]

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C .. HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??
And then it goes on to rant about taxes, inflicted on hardworking 'mericans by (presumably) God-hating, family-hating, 'merica-hating, tax-and-homosexual loving Democrats.

Now here is where I look at the idiots who forward on a piece of crap like this on and refuse to be diplomatic.

I honestly can't believe that there are morons so devoid of critical thinking skills that they think, "Yeah! New Orleans! They suck!" instead of, "Hm, maybe that money will be used to rebuild schools and hospitals and infrastructure; used to reconstruct the destroyed wetlands and um, the levees; used to bring back culture and education and shops and senior centers and not actually HANDED OUT TO THE RESIDENTS IN CASH."

Cash which, clearly, will be spent on boozin' and whorin'.

How do people this stupid manage to survive from one day to the next? Aren't they the ones who end up memorialized in the annual Darwin awards, done in when they try to clean out their chimneys with grenades or work under their pick-ups using Schlitz cans for car jacks? Or is that just my own wishful thinking.

The only thing more infuriating than that email is how one of these asshat's votes cancels out mine next November.


4. When I got the Babble daily email highlighting a post called "The Grinch: Why I Won't Let My Child Believe in Santa" I was prepared to hate it. Really hate it. Of course it was set up to be provocatively snarky but in truth it was a thoughtful, smart essay by Shasha Brown-Worsham about growing up scared of Santa and trying to understand the line between innocent childhood mythology and outright lies. Worth a read.

As for me, I'm all about the guy in the red suit.

I've been having the best time fudging the Santa story with Thalia, who is sharper than she should be at 2 1/2. I see eyeing me suspiciously as I describe Santa bringing presents, all while I'm wrapping them myself.

Can he just be the guy who fills her stockings while mommy gets credit for the stick horse and kitchen set? The guy who keeps track of her wish lists? Or is that not enough work to earn all the cookies we have to make for him (unless we set out the ones Erin is hopefully sending us).

And of course, it's hard to explain the whole chimney aspect when you live in an apartment building. Maybe he comes down the trash chute?

Have you played fast and loose with the Santa stories? Or are you by the book with your childhood lies?


47 Comments:

Blogger Lola said...

Concerning Santa and small children(mine is 3 1/2): I read a post not too long ago about a mother who was very frustrated that she and her husband saved money all year so that their children could have a nice Christmas just to give the credit to someone who does not exist.

It got me thinking. I came to the conclusion that I didn't want my child to think that all her gifts came from some strange man who's lap she sat on in the mall. I want her to know that her dad works very hard for the nice things we have, and Christmas should be no exception.

This year she is old enough to understand more about what Christmas is about. I've told her that the gifts under the tree come from mommy and daddy and other people who love her.

She still believes that Santa is a real person. After all, she did sit on his lap, and he did give her a candy cane, which she loved so very much. And I'm okay with that. Just the way I'm okay with her having imaginary friends. I think it's more of a phase that she will outgrow with time. And as long as it's not causing issues for which I'll later pay a therapist, I say "What's the big deal with believing in Santa?"

12/18/07, 12:06 AM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

My parents used to lie to me all the time. For instance, when we went to town and hit all green lights, my mom would tell me that my dad must have called ahead. Of course I believed her - I knew my Dad was important! (We lived on an oil lease where my dad was the boss of everyone there, so of course I got used to him being important).

I think that lying to us kids was one of the few refuges for their sanity that my parents had. I think it is pretty funny.

12/18/07, 12:18 AM  
Blogger WkSocMom said...

I warned my husband that I would not be able to lie - he'd have to do the Santa bit (I was raised Jewish, I never believed but I cannot remember what my friends thought). Turns out he could care less, and now I've totally played the Santa card (the if you're not good, etc.). I don't know what they believe, as they did notice the Santas we've seen were not the same (they're his helpers!) and when I suggested Santa is bringing them something I got a strange look. Lately I've sort of back-tracked about Santa, I'm sure they are pretty confused :)

Oh, and the New Orleans thing- please!!! Too disturbing.

12/18/07, 1:15 AM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

Santa's magic, he can so come in through the trash chute.

As a kid Santa always filled the stocking and gave us one toy. But my mom wanted the credit for the great toys, so Santa's gift was always smaller. Cool and some random thing we wanted but not the best gift. My mom is a smart woman.

12/18/07, 1:34 AM  
Blogger Girl con Queso said...

Thanks to a video the Hurricane acquired at his grandparents, he's now convinced that Santa is one of the Wiggles. Like the fat fifth Wiggle. So every time we see Santa anywhere (which is everywhere), he screams "Wiggles!!!!" and starts singing "Bear is now asleep, shh shh shh" con hand motions and dance moves. And as much as it's weird, it's pretty freaking cute. For now.

12/18/07, 1:40 AM  
Blogger Mahlers On Safari said...

Being a NY Jew of the non-Christmas-tree varieity, I have found it amusing that the kids right now think that the Coca Cola Santa Claus billboards around town are showing the giant in our Jack and the Bean Stalk book. (Who really does look like Santa.)

At the holiday party at school, the guy playing Santa Claus gave Rowan a gift, and she came straight to me and said, "Mommy, who is that guy anyway?" I loved that!

Just a subversive Jew trying to teach her kids to be Jewish, too all the way out here in Tanzania...

12/18/07, 4:22 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

If you can get hold of a copy of "Christmas Eve on Sesame Street" there is a montage on that show where kids in New York explain how they think Santa gets into their apartments without use of a chimney. You know, if you *do* Sesame Street at your house. I cry watching this every year!

12/18/07, 5:57 AM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

I'll have to check out that Santa article...thanks for the referral. Santa's not allowed in our house. This is Patience's edict, not ours.

She, at three, had some well-thought out logic we didn't feel like arguing with because, well, really, we weren't that keen on it and part of that was yes, why give Santa all the credit?

We limited Santa to one gift, anyway. How could he stock every child that abundantly? And what about the kids he *didn't* stock that abundantly? Why would Santa bring some kids tons of gifts and other kids just one (or none)? Too many conundrums.

Anyway she confessed this year (5-6) that she understood Santa was one of those myths, like dragons: fun to read about but not really true.

My little logician.

So yeah, just the stocking is FINE. IMVHO

I've sent notes to each candidates complaining about #2.

Julie
Using My Words


As for the Let's Have Fun with Trumped Up Numbers e-mail...I get those from my dad and I thought they were a joke, like from The Onion. KIDDING! I can't respond (without going even longer) so will say simply I agree with you.

12/18/07, 6:12 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

You must not know about Silver Spurs. He's Santa's elf that travels with him on Christmas Eve and is so tiny he can fly through locks and open doors for Santa.

There's a book about it.

12/18/07, 7:26 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

We've done the Santa myth, although we refuse to let Santa get credit for the best gift of the year. He can have credit for all the other ones, but whatever Cordy wants the most is from mommy and daddy.

As for the e-mail spam...ick. You're totally right about Darwin award winners. You know, antibiotics have done amazing things to keep us all alive. The problem is they keep ALL of us alive, including the crazies.

12/18/07, 7:56 AM  
Blogger Reff said...

You seem to imply "boozin' and whorin'" is bad? *sigh* I miss the 90s.

12/18/07, 8:31 AM  
Anonymous Kimberly at Parenting Without A License said...

Santa give ALL the presents here. Sure, it means I get NO credit--Diva's Girl's most compelling argument for the existence of Santa? "My Mom would *never* buy me all the cool stuff Santa gives me"--but it means I do get a lot of magic in my house.

We live in an apartment too. The Super told Diva Girl when we moved in that he leaves the roof door open for the Big Guy to make his way in the building. We also have a special magic "Santa Key" that allows Santa to open any door. We hang it outside on Christmas Eve and Santa leaves it with the cookies after he's through.

12/18/07, 9:04 AM  
Blogger Susan Getgood said...

Douglas is approaching the age when the Santa myth goes for good. In fact, I think he knows but is milking it for one more year thinking he will get more presents. He acknosledges 100% that Mall Santa is not Real Santa and this fall actually asked me if Santa was real or was it mommies and daddies waking up in the middle of the night. I spun it back to him and asked him why he asked, and we had a lovely chat about the spirit of Xmas.

So yeah, he knows. So I didn't bother hiding the santa paper like I have in the past.

12/18/07, 9:10 AM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Oh crap....I have so many opinions on this topic that my butthole may explode.

What is WRONG with our generation?!?

Santa IS real people!

12/18/07, 9:35 AM  
Blogger M&S Franco said...

I guess we're by the book with our Santa stories; the Dora's Starry Christmas book, that is. Thanks to Dora, our 2 year old daughter thinks Santa is "brown", which is great because she's 1/4 Mexican and is very close to the "brown" side of her family. We're now trying to convince her that the best unwrappable gifts that brown Santa brings on Christmas are not toys, but rather tamales. I think she gets the idea now: Santa brings tamales, grandmas and grandpas bring toys, and mom and dad don't bring anything because we're cheap and lazy.

12/18/07, 9:47 AM  
OpenID wheelsonthebus said...

Oh. They are using that money to rebuild SCHOOLS?! I completely thought it was the whole drinkin' and whorin' plan.

Emily R

12/18/07, 10:29 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Hmmm...I will be checking my mailbox for my check from the gov'ment. I have some boozin and whorin to do.

I would like to point out that if the government would have taken care of us about 20 years ago, Katrina might not have done as much damage as she did. We have been asking the government for money to build up our levee system to cat 5, to save our wetlands and barrier islands (which help break down hurricanes, which is why hurricanes cause more damage than before, not global warming)for years. We just figure we don't matter, so we sit around pickin' our teeth, drinkin', being immoral and having one of the largest ports in America. You think your coffee, gas, and other everyday items are expensive, now, just shut down New Orleans and see prices escalate.

Stepping off my soapbox.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah, Ya'll

12/18/07, 10:51 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

You tell 'em Wendy.

Even though it's hard to understand you through all the slurring.

12/18/07, 11:01 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

We don't say much at all about Santa. Our kids manage to fill in the blanks by themselves. It's fun to give a noncommittal answer to a Santa question and see what those little minds dream up. We tell the truth about St. Nicholas, we drop a few gifts under the tree, and the children spin fantastic stories that make us all smile. As far as the credit - I'm not in it for the accolades.

I'm annoyed but not surprised by the candidates refusing to be interviewed. It's difficult to address 7.6 million women united by almost nothing besides motherhood and literacy. I think they would prefer to write a speech to a well-defined group united on some belief. Of course, difficult doesn't mean a waste of time. I'm very disappointed by them throwing their wives out as an option. The last time I checked, we don't vote in the first lady.

12/18/07, 11:16 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Christy, good points. But I need to correct the misperception that Blogher is just for moms - it's all women. Which goes to your point that our common denominator is even broader. On the other hand, what unites all the women that watch Oprah? The candidates certainly seem open to giving an interview there.

12/18/07, 11:28 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

I'm just kind of vague about Santa...no specifics about what's from who or when or anything.

Though a couple of weeks ago, she came home from daycare with a picture and said she wanted to give it to Granny. I asked "for Christmas?" She said, "well, I guess, in case Santa forgets her".

I also got that "billions" email, from an old lefty dyke. I assume she just looked at the big numbers, and skipped all the other stuff - I am appalled at her if she actually read it and agreed.

12/18/07, 11:30 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

Whoops! Thanks for correcting my assumption.

12/18/07, 11:41 AM  
Anonymous Kayleigh said...

Since my daughter is just shy of six months old, we have dodged the Santa bullet this year. I am proud of myself for actually picking out and purchasing a present for her though. If it weren't for my husband I would probably just keep handing the baby a cat to chew on and say "Merry Christmas!"

Also, what about Ron Paul? I think he is great, and he wants to talk to women. Heck, he probably knows more about vaginas than most women, thanks to his OBGYN experience.

12/18/07, 11:45 AM  
Blogger Motherhood Uncensored said...

I automatically delete all forwards. But maybe I'm missing a whole hell of a lot of blog fodder that way.

Santa got me to clean my room once a year when I was a kid. Works for me.

12/18/07, 11:53 AM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

My mom always told me that Santa had a magic lockpick for those houses that had no chimney, but that he would only use it if we gave permission.

12/18/07, 11:58 AM  
Anonymous Another Jennifer said...

Like Kayleigh, my daughter is only six months old, so we haven't had to address the "Santa Issue" yet.

I never remember believing in Santa as a kid. On the other hand, even though we never really believed, all Christmas morning gifts and stocking stuffers have always been "Santa gifts." It's more a game and pretend, which worked just fine us.

We were also forbidden from spoiling Santa for other kids, which was great because we got to invent stories for our friends about why Santa didn't come to our house, but went to theirs.

My husband on the other hand did believe in Santa as a kid and would like Lily to have Santa too. (Funny since he's the athiest and I'm the Christian.) I might just treat it as a non-issue. He can do his Santa thing and I'll just watch and not spoil anything, and we'll see what questions come up.

At least, that's the plan as of having a six month old. Ask me again in 2 years.

12/18/07, 1:32 PM  
Blogger jessica said...

My Mom told me Santa came through the dryer hole. Yeah I wasn't all that bright as a child! Call me the Grinch but, life is much easier now that my son doesn't believe, lol!

12/18/07, 1:39 PM  
Anonymous www.whosthebossblog.com said...

We lived in an apartment as kids. My dad told us that a magic elf would shrink, go under the door, and then let Santa in the front. Santa can't get that red velvet suit all mucked up in the trash chute. We totally bought it.

By the age of 6 or 7, my parents came clean. There wasn't any sit-down, coming to Jesus talk. One Christmas they simply talked about the St. Nicholas and the idea of Santa Claus. It really wasn't a big deal and we still got excited about Santa and presents and everything Christmas.

12/18/07, 2:12 PM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

As you might guess, I'm particularly pissed about the candidates ignoring 7.6 million of us. I've vented at my Spin Cycle and have more venting to do. Is it because they can't grasp the "new media" thing or is it because we have vaginas?

I'm just asking. Maybe we should bring that one up with Santa.

12/18/07, 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I tell the girls the story of St. Nick and that God let him live on through Santa Claus and they he honors all the different traditions and cultures because those are the things that bind families. She's a keen one though and said, "Are you sure he's not just the spirit of giving?" Damn 4 year olds.

12/18/07, 2:33 PM  
Blogger Anarchy in the OK said...

1. I think I actually do work in The Office, only it's the one where Michael Scott is pushing 60 so it's that much creepier.

2. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for referring to her as SENATOR Clinton. Nothing gets me riled up more than hearing about Senator Edwards, Barak Obama, and Hilary, as if she was the girl next door. So diminuative.

3. The Darwin Awards comment reminded me of my favorite redneck joke - What are a redneck's last words? "Hey y'all, watch this!" I can laugh because these people are my neighbors. And by 'laugh' I mean cry myself to sleep at night.

4. As for Santa - we try not to say much about it, but damn all those well meaning teachers, nurses, bankers, etc. trying to make small talk with my son and saying things like, "Have you been good? Is Santa going to bring you lots of presents?" By next Christmas we're going to have to have some answers ready. Perhaps we'll just go with the stocking stuffer Santa and leave it at that.

12/18/07, 3:09 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

We are fully into the Santa myth, although I think my days are numbered (oldest is almost 7). Santa brings all the gifts (although I wish I had done that differently and only had him bring 1 or 2 gifts b/c it is hard to explain that some kids get nothing at Christmas without making Santa seem like the biggest elitest prick there is). Although, I tell the kids that any Santa they see is a 'helper'; the real one is just too busy to be down here sitting at the mall.

12/18/07, 7:15 PM  
Blogger anniemom said...

Oh wow, this is a tough one. When I found out about no Santa, I friggin freaked. And then my mind raced immediately to "Ok, so have you lied about God too?" My parents assured me that no, God was REALLY-real, and Santa was only pretend-real. I didn't get it. I had a very "the mom and dad who cried wolf" feeling. So I swore that I'd fess up to my kids from the git go. But I don't know. Saw Santa at the mall today and cried. Nostalgia. It'll all be beautiful no matter what, and our kids will someday wonder what THEY'RE going to tell their kids.

12/18/07, 8:55 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Unfortunately, I never worked at The Office, but I did have a co-worker whom his direct reports referred to as "the pointy-haired boss" a la Dilbert,

I delete those emails straight out. No matter who they come from. I'm savvy enough to do my own political research, thanks.

As for Santa, we never did get any questions back in the old apartment days, but I think we'd have just said that Santa landed his sleigh on the balcony.

Kyle bought Tacy a book from some freethought organization about how Santa is just a nice idea, and she freaked a little when he tried to read it to her last year, so for now we just play along. She digs it, so why not.

12/18/07, 9:05 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

MGM - the santa pov actually means a lot coming from you. Thank you.

12/18/07, 9:11 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

First - yes, infrastructure costs WAY more than any house. Getting services to a lot can cost as much as the whole house. Never mind roads, transit, and all the other things you mention. Gah.

Second - Me, I grew up without Santa. But we are going with Misterpie's tradition, where Santa fills the stockings. I'm not about to relinquish credit for knowing what she'd want for gifts and getting her good presents, but I'llstop myself from being grinchy and outright ignoring Santa. It's nice to have a LITTLE magic.

12/18/07, 11:38 PM  
Blogger Becoming Mommy said...

I'm a former resident of N.O. I have friends (well, used to be anyway) there who received some of the cash handouts from the government. Their house was actually completely fine--but they got money anyhow.
Do you know what they did? They bought a Hummer, diamond jewelry, matching ATVs...etc.etc. etc. With what is supposed to be *AID* for those in need. Then come Christmas had the gaul to go around and ask their out of state pals for cash because, you know, they were broke downtrodden New Orleaneans.
So, yeah, I feel for the people down there who truly had it bad. But as a voice of perspective they still are spending those tax dollars like drunk college students.

12/19/07, 9:03 AM  
Blogger heartfull said...

In my parent's and my IL's homes, Santa always brought one, big, awesome gift. Everything else was from mom and dad. And that is what we do at our house too.

To be honest, I can't imagine getting bent out of shape about Santa getting credit for that one, big, awesome gift. Who cares? They'll know soon enough and when they remember back, they'll think of all the great things I got them. I can't imagine, though, giving Santa credit for everything under the tree.

My 8 yo still believes, but is pondering the whole thing and asking a lot of questions. I hate that her questions might make the 5 yo think about it a little too hard. My 2 year old is clueless about Santa.

12/19/07, 9:57 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Becoming Mommy - I'm sorry to hear that "friends" like yours are ruining it for those who really do need the money, if only in reputation. I also think that financial mismanagement either on the part of government agencies or the recipients can be dealt with. It doesn't mean that the infrastructure of NO doesn't need serious reconstruction and that that costs money.

12/19/07, 10:06 AM  
Blogger Becoming Mommy said...

I agree, they do need money. But I question the amount quoted because of sooooo many stories like these.
But also, as a former resident, I question the logic of rebuilding the city as it was. I know people get attached to locations, but it's really just not sound and I consider it one of the follies of the Corps of Engineers. If they re-allowed the river to flow in it's natural state and built around that they may all be better off.

12/19/07, 10:11 AM  
Blogger caramama said...

1. Yes. It's why I love that show.

2. Very frustrating! I would also like to know if it's because they don't understand new technology or because we have vaginas.

3. Love what you wrote. This is why I love you.

4. Thanks for the link. That was a really good article. The Pumpkin is only 9 months, so we have a while to figure out what we will do. The hubby wants to do the whole Santa thing, I'm just not into it. We'll see where we end up.

12/19/07, 2:25 PM  
Blogger theotherbear said...

What do you mean Santa is not real? I am 35 and he still leaves goodies for me. Only he mustn't know where I live, because he leaves them at my mum and dad's house.

12/19/07, 7:02 PM  
Anonymous Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

We did indulge in the fantasy of Santa until the moment when we felt our sons' need to know the truth exceeded their need to believe in a mythical figure. However! Upon learning how things really worked we impressed upon our children the notion that a historical/mythical figure who brought joy and happiness to children all over the world was a good thing to emulate. In other words...be the spirit of kindness/compassion/anonymous gifting you wish for the the world (to slightly bastardize a Mahatma Gandhi quote). I don't really think the transition was all that painful.

http://wordgirl5.typepad.com/apathy_lounge

12/19/07, 9:44 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

I'd say the stockings idea is good, really

12/20/07, 2:51 PM  
Blogger Cynthia said...

becomingmommy...

Hummers? Honestly? C'mon. What neighborhood are YOU from? We got a whopping $1000 check from FEMA for six people, including my mother-in-law who died two weeks after the storm after evacuating on her death bed. And then we got screwed by our insurance company - the company we had paid thousands and thousand to. And then we paid out of pocket to patch up our roof so we didn't have to deal with birds flying in while we slept. And then we had to shovel toxic soil from our backyard for three weeks. And then we had to listen to Bush and his chronies say that they wouldn't help New Orleans until we "started helping ourselves".

I thought all those stories about mis-spent checks from the government were urban legends. But I guess if you know people...

12/31/07, 12:42 PM  
Blogger Becoming Mommy said...

Yeah. they'd even sent me a photo of it.
I know a lot of people defrauded the govt to get huge payouts. Took the money from lots of folks out there who NEEDED it. I've no doubt these former friends were some of those.
Found out they were also getting federal money for LOTS of things they didn't actually qualify for...like WIC. Bad Apples.

12/31/07, 1:09 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Cynthia, your account jibes with most of what I've heard. While of course I'm not glad to hear it, I am glad to hear that I'm not crazy in thinking your story is the rule and not the exception.

12/31/07, 5:21 PM  

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