Los Angeles: The highlights (which isn't saying much)


10:01 am Flight lands early. Man who looks almost like someone famous helps me with my bag, proving that chivalry is not dead amongst the almost famous-looking set.

10:45 am Hit my max speed on the 405.

I think a hitchhiker in a wheelchair just passed me on the shoulder.

11:05 am Arrive at my office, where I conclude that since I've last been here, they've instituted a weight limit for the female employees. For every pound exceeding the designated weight (somewhere around 100, 105) you are forced to replace one meal with one non-fat latte and four cigarettes.

11:08 am Show coworkers photo of baby on my cell phone.

1:00 pm The Big Meeting, which includes a fine deli platter. Spongey rolls. Sinus-clearing mustard. Fudgy brownies.

3:34 pm The Big Meeting concludes. It is deemed successful. Skinny girls flood the conference room and make quick work of the leftover lemon bars and fudgy brownies.

3:38 pm Show coworkers photo of baby on my cell phone.

6:00 pm Traffic.

6:15 pm Traffic.

6:30 pm Traffic.

6:45 pm Traffic.

7:08 pm The greatest words any weary traveler can ever hope to hear: Please accept this bottle of wine with our compliments.

8:00 pm My first celebrity sightings! Debra Messing, Eric McCormack, Megan Mullally, and Sean Hayes--all right in my hotel room.

9:12 pm Room service arrives with my hummus-tziziki platter. (Only in L.A.) Show room service guy photo of baby on my cell phone. Room service guy looks almost like George Lopez.

9:35 pm Look, the lamp is vibrating...LOOK THE LAMP IS VIBRATING! Omigod, earthquake. Omigodomigodomigod. Stand in doorway. No wait...hide under table. No wait...call front desk. No wait...first I have to save my blog post. Omigodomigodomi...Hey wait, if it's an earthquake, how come the ceiling lamps aren't swaying?

9:37 pm Downstairs guests turns their stereo down. Room stops vibrating.

5 am Nooooooo! No no no no no!

5:10 am No! No!

5:24 am Dammit.

6:00 am Local news story about the concern that one's pet might be fat. Somewhere in Santa Monica, a doggie spa owner rejoices, raises prices.

9:30 am Reluctantly forgo the $14 Belgian waffle in favor of scrambled eggs. Eavesdrop on two junior talent agents trading MAJOR gossip. Like:
-The guys from Scrubs like The Office and vice versa.
-King Kong was not very good.
-Good Night and Good Luck was subtle.
-"Jennifer Aniston whisperwhisperwhisper isn't that nuts?"

9:43 am "Welcome back Ms. G! Did you bring the rain with you, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

11:45 am A trip to Universal Studios Hollywood for work. (I know! How fun is work?) I keep my sunglasses on through the rain. I am so very L.A.

"You and Me and Dupree"? Jackpot, baby.

Universal Picture's Greatest epics: Jaws. Blues Brothers.
Psycho. Something with Will Ferrell in a track suit.

Paris and Nichole used to live here.

"Here's a million dollar idea, Bill--let's show the tourists a replica
of a wreckage of the very plane they'll be flying home on the next day!"

I told you not to make fun of my third nipple.

3:00 pm

Can't we just...pull over for...quickly...no? Okay.

6:25 pm Two Coronas, no dinner. Show remaining coworkers photo of my baby on my cell phone.

9:30 pm Intercept drunk girl who moonwalks into me in hotel lobby. Try to determine whether she looks like someone famous. She doesn't.

5:04 am Noooooooo!

5:12 am Dammit.

7:50 am Refill the gas in my rental car for maybe the first time ever.

8:20 am Almost celebrity sightings at the airport: Almost Jessica Simpson, Almost Camryn Manheim, Almost William Hung.

8:25 am Guard at airport security checkpoint takes my id, says, "Thanks for the smile! You're only the second person to smile all morning." I respond, "Well who wouldn't smile when they've got a beautiful baby waiting for them at home."

8:25 am The tears. Oh, the tears.

8:55 am The BK breakfast biscuit. Oh, the BK breakfast biscuit.

9:05 am Run into old friend and coworker who's on my flight. I instantly regret wearing my "plane jeans."

6:04 pm, EST Exit the plane. Former coworker tells me that her seatmate blurted to her, "I sense that you are a very creative person. And the lord just told me to tell you that he is going to give you more ideas than the ones you have now."

6:30 pm My cab turns onto the BQE, and I glimpse the green Empire State Building illuminating the skyline across the East River. I am mere minutes from a big plate of full-fat ravioli, and my warm, beautiful, smiling, cat-saying baby. Life is so very very good.

Although I must confess I will miss the city where women have no qualms wearing this:


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do I win a prize for being number one. I read that whole thing like a crazed animal dying for the exciting news of my CMP better half and you did not disappoint.

I love the celebrity sightings - you had me for way longer than I'd like to admit. And the pic of your speedometer. The only thing I remember of LA is the SMOG oh and the traffic.

How's the cat girl doing? Happy to see momma I'm sure.

3/19/06, 12:12 AM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Hi. I've never commented before, but I am de-lurking myself to tell you that I really enjoy reading your posts. I'm hooked!

3/19/06, 12:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA! You are totally funny...the wheelchair hitchhiker....PLANE JEANS...I am crying with laughter here....thanks I needed that!!!

3/19/06, 12:43 AM  
Blogger ms blue said...

Brilliant! Oh how I miss business trips.

Especially since many of my friends are at the Spin party in Austin having celebrity sightings this very second.

3/19/06, 4:38 AM  
Blogger Julie Marsh said...


The 405, Universal Studios, "non-fat" lattes...

3/19/06, 9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww, you didn't make it to In-N-Out Burger? What a shame!

Thanks for the recap, I laughed the whole way through! (well, except at the early awakenings and tears associated with you missing your cat-saying girl...) Hope you both enjoyed your reunion.

3/19/06, 10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That actually made me want to return to LA. I freaking loved it there.

When I went there my first time, I was overwhelmed with all my almost-celebrity sightings. I noticed them so much my travel partner got annoyed and made me stop saying it aloud.

I *swear* that was Greg Kinnear at the Sketchers store, though!! Or someonewholookedjustlikehim...

3/19/06, 11:40 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

And yet the sad thing CM, is that I usually do see celebrities--including a (literal) run-in with Kinnear in my hotel lobby back during the Sabrina days. My favorite though was Drew Barrymore running up to me and hugging me, asking me how I've been. Um...

3/19/06, 11:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"We have crabs"

He he.

Glad to have you back on the east coast.

3/19/06, 11:56 AM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

So glad you made the trip safely. Love the hat. Love the crabs. Welcome back.

3/19/06, 1:24 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

To be clear, that's not my hat. Just some chick in LAX who kindly (and naively) posed for a candid.

3/19/06, 1:50 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

My 23-month-old is scrubbing the toilet with my toothbrush, and I've temporarily misplaced my 11-month-old. But I just HAD to finish reading through the post about your trip!! (BTW, very cool pictures!)

Glad you made it back home in one piece. :)

3/19/06, 2:49 PM  
Blogger Movin Mom said...

I knew I liked you the minute I read your BLOG- I am so a camera carrying guru- snappin' pics while the gas pedal is barely being touched- Gold Digger hat- did you realize how many peeps would comment on the hat when you asked her to pose?? Brilliant photos!!!!

3/19/06, 3:56 PM  
Blogger tracey clark said...

alright mom-101, the next time you hit LA you must contact me. i'm not at all famous (although i was often told in my younger years i resembled meg ryan but that's only becasue i am off the charts expressive and kinda wacky and blonde. duh.) i vow to introduce you lots of normal, down to earth, super fun (non famous) people who live real lives and even sport real boobs. this is my solomn vow.

i loved the run down of your trip! maybe one day we'll meet in LA where it's not always all bad. except for the traffic.

bet it was heaven to see that baby of yours again!

3/19/06, 4:04 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Welcome back home, Mama. Amazing how much more exciting it is to see your girl, hm?

3/19/06, 7:14 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

You were in Cali and didn't stop at In-N-Out Burger?! I'm wounded.

Glad you had a good time. Bet your brilliant, cat-speaking daughter was happy to see you when you got back.

3/19/06, 8:46 PM  
Blogger the stefanie formerly known as stefanierj said...

Glad you're back. Home is where the adorable, winsome, stinky diaper-wearing, food-throwing, cat-saying baby and her daddy are!!

3/19/06, 9:36 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Oh, I miss-ded you! But no $14 belgian waffle? And why didn't you show the drunk moon-walking girl Thalia's picture? So can we get details on the cat thing?

3/19/06, 10:19 PM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

you should know by now to avoid the 405 at all costs. i don't care that it is THE freeway to/from LAX... get off the damn thing and take sunset all the way! lol.. love this post!
so are you telling me, you didn't go to in n out?!?!!!!

3/20/06, 1:29 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

1. In-n-out burger sounds like it'll give you the runs.
2.You don't know how happy you made my husband by showing us that the Fast and the Furious 3 is being filmed. (He is super car-obsessed)
3. Loving your blog.

3/20/06, 3:30 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Awww, man! That hat is HOT! lol!


3/20/06, 11:43 PM  

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