The Many L.A. Celebrity Sightings of Mom101: A Vast Overpromise

Lesson learned.

There is just no way that you can have many fabulous celebrity experiences to chronicle in your blog when your entire trip to LA is divided between your hotel room and your office. The last trip--a few fun things to talk about. This one, not so much.

Unless I were to come back to my room and find Ed Norton passed out in my bed, or go to work and discover Lil' Kim wandering the halls looking for the IT guy, celebrity sightings were not to be in the cards this trip. I even looked out my car window at every red light, just hoping to catch a glimpse of some wonderfully arcane C-lister to tell you all about. But no. With all due respect to Wayman Tisdale, former NBA star who performed hits off his album Hang Time at the Beverly Center Apple Store while I paid for my webcam, but I can't really count that as celebrity contact.

Didn't run into them at the Ivy and trade diaper rash tips.

Didn't see her in a coffee shop, and sneak some full-fat milk into her latte.

Didn't run into her at a Fairfax district Kabbalah
meeting, pull her aside and say, "girlfriend, we need to have a
serious talk about this Kevin fellow..."

Okay, well there was sort of one bit of celeb contact.

(Here's the part where I namedrop all these names you don't know, and provide links so that you can click on and go, ohhhhh THAT guy...and then make a comment about how much you like him and I'll never know the difference.)

Nate and I did manage to sneak away for one night of adult entertainment, and hit an amazing alternative comedy show with like every darkly funny comic I love, short of Marc Maron. If you do not yet know these men, let's just say if you ever thought I was funny, you will not once you get to know their stuff. Louis CK brought the house down as always. Dana Gould made me develop just a little crush on him, because as much as I think I'm over them, I still have a thing for funny men on antidepressants (see also, Marc Maron). And the "band" Naked Trucker (coming soon to Comedy Central) featuring Don Koechner from Anchorman, was as funny as they were naked. Maybe a little more funny than naked. But only because one guy did wear a Union Jack around his waist. Bob Odenkirk, Nate's boyfriend, wasn't the highlight we hoped for, but he did render his biggest fan speechless for a few moments when we saw him in the hall before the show.

(Now you're like, Mom101, SHUT UP, none of this is celebrity contact. It's a SHOW. I mean, I saw Robert Guillaume play Mungojerry in the traveling tour of Cats and and you didn't see me go bragging about it on my blog. And I'm like, whoa, chill for a second. Have some coffee. Did I say I was done here?)

Okay, drum roll...trumpet fan fare...HUGE build-up for forthcoming pathetic reveal....

Between sets, I touched Patton Oswalt's back trying to squeeze through the crowd on the way to the loo.

It was a sweaty back. A very sweaty back. Of someone on a network sitcom. And I touched it.


Blogger Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

For all the times I have been to Vegas (since I was a kid, I have family in nearby Henderson) and for all the many, many hours spent in airports traveling for business, I have never, ever had a celebrity sighting.

Therefore, I am duly impressed with your Patton Oswalt encounter.

4/13/06, 12:41 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Eeeeeeuuuuwwww.... sweaty back! Gleh.
But super cool that it was a FAMOUS sweaty back!

4/13/06, 1:39 PM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

So jealous now. Sweaty back. Famous people. This is enough to fuel me for the rest of the day. Thank you! Such build up. Cute, and well done!

4/13/06, 1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

EEEWWWWW gross. You touched his sweaty back?

4/13/06, 1:51 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

thanks for the last five minutes of clicking on links and saying to myself: "who? whah? whoossat? huh? oh, yeah, i know him. i think... heh, naked, heh heh."

4/13/06, 1:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey... jay leno almost stepped on my foot walking past me at the emmys (several years ago, mind you--and, yes, i was actually inside--tho' when you're not famous, you get stuck in the balcony, where the only celeb seated near you is the "log lady" from twin peaks)... and i once made out with chuck barris (long story...), but, i'm impressed with your sighting/touching of patton oswalt!! he's a very funny guy. (by the way, i lovelovelove bob odenkirk, too--most especially on mr. show! oh how i miss that fun...)

you're so glamorous... and i am in awe! even as we speak, i'm touching my screen (but in a good way!) so some of that celeb sweat might rub off!! : D

ps...robert guillaume in cats? cool. we saw him in phantom of the opera. and i totally think it counts as a "sighting". famous is famous, right?

4/13/06, 2:14 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I saw a famous ice skater on the streets of Georgetown once back in '94... I can't even remember his name right now. So, yeah, touching Patton Oswalt's sweaty back?? Sounds WAY cool to me.

4/13/06, 2:18 PM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

LOL- you are such a goof! i love it!

4/13/06, 2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've retyped about 4 different things - all of which are either too gross or too stupid.

I guess it's better than sweaty balls?

4/13/06, 2:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read the whole thing but I'm stuck on Ed Norton. He's one of my pretend celebrity boyfriends, you know :)

4/13/06, 3:09 PM  
Blogger Table4Five said...

I had both dinner and drinks with Marilu Henner once. Is it ok to brag about it on my blog?

Patton Oswalt is funny as hell, but now every time I see him on Comedy Central I'm going to wonder if he's sweaty. Ewwww.

4/13/06, 3:53 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

Good god that's funny.

4/13/06, 4:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol you are too funny!

4/13/06, 4:21 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

I love how you can make not seeing any big time celebs into a fabulously funny read.

Sweaty back - so gross!


4/13/06, 5:30 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

When I've gone to Manhattan and Vegas a few times, I've kept my eyes out for celebrities. But no luck. You did better than I have!

4/13/06, 5:38 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Who the hell is Patton Oswalt and did you wash your hands? :-)

4/13/06, 6:16 PM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

Was it a hairy back?

The only celeb contact I had was getting a "hello" from Jared....you know, the Subway sandwich guy? I saw him in Dulles airport...WOO hoo! I know....please don't be jealous...

4/13/06, 6:50 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Izzy: no, Ed Norton is MY celebrity boyfriend. I will totally have to arm wrestle you for him.

But damn, then you'll win and I'll be stuck wingman-ing for you and I'll end up with his friend who's like some fat, balding extra on Becker. Oh okay, you just take him.

4/13/06, 7:48 PM  
Blogger Wendy Boucher said...

Fine if Izzy has Ed Norton but you better not be looking for Ewan McGregor Ms. 101. He's mine. I flew all the way to London and paid a gazillion dollars to watch him in Guys and Dolls. That counts, he's mine.

FYI, did you know that they eat ice cream like fiends during intermission? I'll have to ask H, my Brit buddy about that.

4/13/06, 8:16 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Patton does Look like he might be sweaty. Sweaty and round.

4/13/06, 8:40 PM  
Blogger Stacy said...

way to go sister! i hope you washed your hands though.

4/13/06, 9:55 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

You obviously didn't get out enough of Patton Oswalt is the best you found. The comedy show sounds great, though.

I used to have a knack for running into b-list/c-list celebs in my travels - Sherman Helmsley in DC, Hulk Hogan in Chicago, Scott Thompson in LA. Never anyone huge.

4/14/06, 12:34 PM  
Blogger Shalee said...

5 years ago when we were on a layover in LAX, I saw Ray Charles... he didn't see me though. I also say Mary McDonald and Martin Sheen. That's it for now; however I go back in two weeks, so it's possible that I could add more names to that list.

4/19/06, 3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, sorry, still don't know who he is. Obviously not up on my pop culture.

However, I did get a very good laugh out of shalee's comment ("he didn't see me though.") hahahahaha

7/21/06, 2:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last time I was in the USA (just the USA!) I met two of my 3 favourite singers, and I actually got to drink at the table of the third one. (I don't know if you know Sebastian Bach, ex Skid Row). He even gave me some of his joint. Plus, he slept with my friend. And told us we weren't allowed to write anything he did/said online. Eek.

5/25/07, 3:07 AM  

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