Revenge of the Nerds Part XXIV: The Nerds Watch TV

The moment I knew I could fall for him was very specific. We were leaving my apartment for a change (ah, remember those early days of lust?) and he turned to me and said, "Oh I get you. Everyone thinks you're this cool, together, sophisticated woman but you're not. Deep down you're just a huge nerd."

And I said, "YES! Yes, that is exactly what I am. Hooray, someone who finally gets me!"

True love.

To this day, Nate makes an extra special effort to remind me exactly what a dork I am for any number of reasons. Often it's the music I listen to. My bouncy 80's compilations--some still on casette. Booya!--can't hold a candle to Spoon or Steve Malkmus or I'm so Cool You Can Only Buy My CD on the Streets of Prague at 2 am, or whatever it is booming out of his fancy laptop speakers.

Sometimes he digs on me for the fact that I choose a crowd-pleasing chick flick on those rare movie outings, in lieu something big-budget and actiony, rife with product placement and snappy catch-phrases. Sometimes I just like to see women talking. About their feeeeeeelings. Deal with it.

This week I'm being hassled for my TV watching behavior.

First, I must say that it was Nate himself who got me watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Pre-Nate, I wouldn't have been caught dead flipping to the uncomic stylings of Tom Bergeron and his staff of C-level gag writers on a Friday night. It was all so very...red state. But if my indie comedy-loving partner vouched for it, I was willing to give it a shot.

As it turns out, it's actually pretty entertaining to watch men getting hit in the nuts with softballs week after week. Who knew? So the way some couples have "our song" or "our restaurant," soon AFHV became "our show."

Well apparently I am the worst kind of nerd to watch this kind of show with because, as I have recently learned after all these years, I have the bad and decidedly nerdy habit of giving the play-by-play, out loud, after each scene:

Oh no, he fell off his bike into the pool!

Ha, that dog won't stop chasing his own tail!

How funny, he just made his stomach sing Oh Danny Boy!

Nate's like, "um, yeah I know, I'm sitting right next to you watching it too, remember?" But I just can't help myself.

No way! He waxed his underarm hair!

Hey, that baby put blocks in his diaper!

Ha! He got hit in the nuts with that softball! AGAIN!

If we ever get married, I'm totally changing the vows so that he has to promise to love me despite my inner nerd. And if he doesn't? At least I'll always have a firm date every Friday night with Tom Bergeron.


Blogger Mel said...

Are you kidding? He loves you for your inner nerd. :)
And here I was thinking I was the only one (besides my best friend Denise) who was shacked up and procreatin' prior to nuptial bliss! (The husband and I were living in see-yun for about ten years there before we finally tied the knot.)
To quote, uh, you: who knew?

5/26/06, 1:15 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I watched part of that new show which audtitions people (a la American Idol) who think they can dance. Hilarious!

5/26/06, 1:29 PM  
Blogger Lena said...

Ah, my kindred spirit.

I ALWAYS repeat the funny things! We watch our fav, King of Queens (check it), and I have to repeat every funny thing Doug or Carrie says. And Chris just stares at the side of my head, like, "Yeah, I know. Thanks."

Also, Bob Saget was the WORST EVER.

5/26/06, 1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Stephen Malkmus is one of my faves! Does this mean I have inner cool?

Tee hee.

5/26/06, 1:32 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Ours is Three and a Half Men. I laugh my ass off at pretty much everything they say. Having a show that is yours is sooo cute.

5/26/06, 1:40 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Shhhh... I DVR AFHV to watch with my daughter. I pee my pants laughing and her big belly laughs are just too precious. I won't tell my other TV secrets. *ahembuffythevampireslayercough*

You are so not alone. And if you are a nerd, I fear what I may be! LOL!

Have a great weekend!

5/26/06, 1:44 PM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

I love that you run a play by play on the videos. I will only watch that show if I can do it at your house, with you providing the commentary. I'll bring the chips.

5/26/06, 1:49 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I had a college roommate who used to schedule her classes so she could be back in time to see "Charles in Charge."

My six year old loves America's Funniest Home Videos. Once we start watching, it's easy to get hooked.

5/26/06, 1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually laughed out loud when I reached "...dog chasing his own tail!" Welcome to the world of nerdom, dear Mom-101! Don't know what it is about truly cheesy shit that captures the imagination, but somehow, it does...

Oh, and for the record (bad pun intended), I: A) can actually sing every song on the Streisand "A Star is Born" album and B) used to wear my hair just like hers is on the album cover! yeesh!

5/26/06, 1:55 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

Marry him. He sounds fantastic. It's not scary. I promise.

My husband tell me I'm "cute" when I sing along to every single song in Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Dirty Dancing. I can't help it. I can't not sing when I watch those movies. Instead of thinking me the huge dork that I am, he watches me with this kind of weird adoring smile. I don't know what I did to deserve him.

5/26/06, 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you're a nerd, then I'm proud to be part of the club.

And AFHV? - it's quality TV compared the other shit that's on these days.

PS - Love Nate's glasses :)

5/26/06, 2:16 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

America's Funniest Home Videos? I will have to revisit that show. I actually think I might submit a video. "Uh, honey, can you come closer and face me? I just need to hit you in the balls with this softball real quick."

5/26/06, 2:18 PM  
Blogger Binky said...

Was there really a baby putting blocks in his diaper or did you make that up? Because for some reason I find that absolutely hilarious. That's my nerdy quality--laughing uproariously at things without knowing why. And it's actually what wins me the most friends. People love to make others laugh. I'm pretty sure my husband married me because I always laugh at his jokes.

5/26/06, 2:35 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

Well, then I am the grand dragon of Nerds, because I freaking love AFV. Seriously. My love for this show burns with the intensity of ten thousand suns.

And yes, after nearly four years of wedded bliss, I have roped Brian into watching it too.

So glad you posted about this. I am a little embarrassed about liking this show, so it's good to see that I'm not alone.

5/26/06, 2:44 PM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

That show is still on? Well waduya know. What channel and what did they do with Bob Saget?

5/26/06, 2:59 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

Oh no! My husband does the play-by-play on anything comedy! Drives me insane!! I didn't know it was due to his nerdiness... I may need to cut him some slack on that one.

5/26/06, 3:17 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Yep. I'm a sucker for the pet doing stupid tricks segment.

5/26/06, 3:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sign me up for nerd camp. which, btw, if it's anything like the cammp in Wet Hot American Summer, I won't want to leave. esp. if I can hook up with Michael Showalter, my favorite counselor *ever*, at some point.

drooooool.... Michael Showalter...

5/26/06, 3:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

p.s. my husband is a rilly big (a la Ed Sullivan) fan of that damn show. I end up laughing at it against my will.

I always think, "this is what my Friday nights have been reduced to?"

*draws deeeeeep breath*

5/26/06, 3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I confess, I'M the one doing the play-by-play. If I can't figure out what's happening next, and yell lit out before it happens, I consider myself a failure for the night. My family, for some reason, finds this rather annoying. Go figure!

Great blog .. MORE, please!


5/26/06, 4:37 PM  
Blogger Namito said...

Is that the one that used to be hosted by...Dave...what's his face? From that sitcom with the Olson Twins..Full House, I think.

The reason I ask, is that I just saw The Aristocrats (the cute kitty Disney film it is NOT)with the Hub a couple of week ago, and man, dude cut loose. I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

If your up for some of the most disgusting, degraded, mouth and mind in the gutter jokes ever, go ahead and watch it some night. With headphones. You will be pleased.

5/26/06, 4:53 PM  
Blogger Erin M said...

Bwhahahah we watch AFV like nobody's business. Why?? What could be better than watching a weiner dog run after people with a lit roman candle? NOTHING i say

Oh and by the way, teh dentist didnt notice i was taking pictures with my camera phone MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

5/26/06, 5:05 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Wait, what happened to Bob Saget? I thought he was the host of this show.

So you're a TV narrator, huh?

I have not seen this show in years and years and on Fridays I have a standing date with Clinton and Stacey of What Not to Wear fame, but I'm gonna check it out.

5/26/06, 5:30 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Paula: Yes, that was Bob Saget both in Full House, formerly of AFHV and then in the Aristocrats. The funny thing is, in the comedy world, he's known as an incredibly dark and very blue comedian. Go figure!

5/26/06, 5:48 PM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

LOL- i am cracking up at the "i'm sitting right next to you" cause i would SO say that to blake (my child) who would do the shit you do! LOL

5/26/06, 5:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I can do, is smile. Big. :-D Nice, easy, assumption dispelling there, my blog friend.

5/26/06, 6:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Mom, but having been hit in the nads numerous times with baseballs/softballs/basketballs, footballs, etc., I can definitely say:

It's not funny.

BTW, the official daughter graduated. She wore heels. She's taller than me in heels. Sonovabi......


5/26/06, 6:42 PM  
Blogger Tori said...

We all have a bit of nerd in us...
I only just threw out my cassettes and only because they'd been left in the garage and some sticky stuff on them...
You Go Nerdy Girl!

5/26/06, 8:45 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I'm a big TV nerd, too. And I give the play-by-play, also! It's like, even though I know he's sitting right there, I assume he's not watching it as closely as I am.

I confess to loving the early American Idol episodes. I love watching people make fools of themselves!

5/26/06, 8:52 PM  
Blogger Movin Mom said...

WAIT....What?....I'm a nerd???

I can only imagine what label I get for watching the occasional Price is Right!

Okay that's only when there's no one on Martha or The View ...hahaha just kidding...I'm totally kidding I would NEVER watch The View.

5/26/06, 9:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehe Hi, My Name is Chelle, and I am a Nerd" (I so talk to the Funnest Home Videos too!!) hehe

5/26/06, 10:03 PM  
Blogger tracey clark said...

Ain't love grand??

I can't believe I get to meet your nerd self at Blogher. Too cool.

5/26/06, 11:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I clicked on you link to your past post on music and what to my wondering eyes should appear????

MY VERY OWN LIFE IN MUSIC! One must appreciate it. Really. I do. I have those SAME tunes..though I have not mastered the itunes s/w enough to load all of them! And to boot my hubby has a hard drive (well, 2 kids later, I knew this already...) that has 50 gig of music on it! He has the TOP 100 of the year from 1968 through 2001!!

Can you sing me a bar from Seasons in the Sun???

c'mon - give it to me!

5/27/06, 12:26 AM  
Blogger Debbie said...

guess what my husband is plopped in front of, *as I type*.

viva la Friday night!

5/27/06, 12:47 AM  
Blogger ms blue said...

Nerds = Alternative to the Popular Crowds
Alternative = Cool People
I think that makes you the ultimate in cool.

I love to repeat anything funny. I just can't help myself.

5/27/06, 1:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If loving AFV is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Though some of the ball-mauling clips give even me a "tingle in the dingle."

5/27/06, 12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess I am a nerd too. I definitely love me some funny home videos. The ones with animals just slay me -- as of course do the ones where dudes get hit in the nuts with softballs. Quality TV!

5/28/06, 10:16 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

Love AFV! But did you ever notice that all the videos are from at least 10 years ago?!?!

5/28/06, 10:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so darling. I love that you talk out loud during AFHV. And I also love that I am not the only one who is still listening to her 80s cassettes. I'll stop the world and melt with you, babe.

5/29/06, 9:47 AM  
Blogger Andie D. said...

I happen to love Tom Bergeron, and I'm nerd enough to admit it.

My hub and I actually quote him. A favorite is a scene where a little girl is in a race and stomps off in the middle of it.

Tom: There's no "I" in team, but there is in "QUIT".


5/29/06, 3:48 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

My inner nerd gets made fun of for my fave movies, like Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club. My reply? "Eat. My. Shorts." I also like science shows, specifically forensic science shows, and I often shout to the CSI cast, "Do a GSR test." That's gunshot residue. Or, "Check his shoes for peanut shells! You'll find the restaurant he used to work at!" And now, hubby calls me asking questions like, "Hey, what's that test they do to determine if a person has used a gun recently?" or something along those lines. I'm turning him into a science nerd. Rock!

5/30/06, 12:56 PM  

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