5.30.2006

Jesus is da Bomb Pop

Exhibit A
A simple ice cream truck, mobile purveyor of all things sweet,
creamy and artificially flavored. But wait! Upon closer inspection...

Exhibit B
Evangelism on wheels!

Since I was raised that one's relationship with one's god was private, something solely between you and, well, God--the evangelical world is a very different one from mine. This despite the fact that the Jehovah's Witness world headquarters is right smack in my Brooklyn neighborhood.

If proclaiming one's faith to the public (tattoos, trucker hats, mud flaps) in a non-ironic way makes me a little uncomfortable, then certainly proclaiming one's faith as a part of unrelated commercial endeavors confounds me completely. There was a New England donut shop chain way back when that printed proverbs on the coffee cups. I always wondered whether they stopped to contemplate how many of their non-Christian customers they alienated, or whether they did but just didn't care.

And then there's the issue of the Good Humor Man of God.

Is the bumper sticker putter-onner just so devout that he can't help but plaster his belief system all over the place? Is he hoping for a little extra Jesus magic cast his way--an I'll plug you/you plug me sort of thing (i.e. the spiritual version of a reciprocal blogroll link)? Or perhaps he is hoping to stir up more business with it, appealing to that intersection between the Santa Monica ice cream eating-public and the Santa Monica Christian business-patronizing public, a small demographic indeed.

If the latter is the case, I'd like to offer a few bumper stickers that could work just a little harder:
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for a Toasted Almond.

Jesus says: Relax! (And have a FrozFruit)

The meek shall inherit the remaining Chocolate Eclairs. You know, the good ones with the chocolate bar in the middle.

Love thy neighbor - buy him a Chipwich

Jesus is King Kone

Covet not thy neighbor's Choco Taco. Get your own, $1.35.

Ask and you shall receive extra sprinkles.

WWJE: What Would Jesus Eat? (May we recommend the new Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich?)

I apologize in advance for offending the vast majority of the world. Peace.


72 Comments:

Blogger Karen said...

It's quite possible that you would die here in the Upper Midwest. When I moved here, I was never so confounded as when trying to count all the fish on cars. You might (not) be surprised to find out how many of the fishy cars also sport bumber stickers that read "Stop Hillary."

And I wish my Evangelical neighbors loved me enough to buy me a Chipwich.

5/30/06, 12:34 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

HA! I want a Jesus-Bomb Pop... hopefully he will have the same black gumball eyes as the frozen Sponge Bobs!

5/30/06, 12:43 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Karen: Indeed I would shrivel and die a slow painful death there. Which says less about the lovely denizens of the upper midwest and more about my desire to live in the teeny tiny pockets of the country where there are more "like me." Sigh It's hard to be in the minority.

5/30/06, 12:46 AM  
Blogger ninepounddictator said...

I like Ask more and you shall recieve more sprinkles...but I'd change that to recieve more cookie dough in my cookie dough ice cream...I'm allowed to change, right?

5/30/06, 1:57 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

No question about it. You are definitely in the right line of work, MOM101. I try not to overuse these acronyms, but this time it's true -- ROFL!!! More! More!

5/30/06, 2:47 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

I thought that when Jesus said, "Spread the Good News", that bumper stickers were the OBVIOUS way to do it.

I guess I should go peel them all off my minivan now. Shoot!

5/30/06, 2:58 AM  
Blogger carrie said...

No offending here! Those damn bumpersticker-putters.

I will never let my kids run like mad to the ice cream truck again.

5/30/06, 4:08 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

The fruit of the spirit is love, joy and ice cream. Galatians 5:22

5/30/06, 5:19 AM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

Hello from the Bible Belt. You're in big trouble. But so am I because I had to add one:

In case of Rapture this ice cream truck will be empty...but that doesn't give you permission to eat all the fudge bars when I'm gone, you filthy, filthy heathens.

(Personally I prefer non-denominational snow cones.)

PS. what you said over at my blog? Right back atcha, babe.

5/30/06, 6:15 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Ha! Brilliant!

5/30/06, 7:29 AM  
Anonymous Kvetch said...

Am wondering if I would be permitted to buy a Strawberry Shortcake at this Good Humor truck, being a MOT, and all. HA!

5/30/06, 7:39 AM  
Blogger Mother Bumper said...

Even my Mother who is the devoutest of the devout would find this HEEEE-LARRY-US!!!!! I can't get over "Covet not thy neighbor's Choco Taco. Get your own, $1.35." and "Ask and you shall receive extra sprinkles". Bless you Mom-101 ;)

5/30/06, 7:51 AM  
Anonymous Motherhood Uncensored said...

And as a sign of peace, Noah sent forth a DOVE BAR...

5/30/06, 8:41 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

Will I go straight to hell for laughing at this?

5/30/06, 8:44 AM  
Blogger Carrcakes said...

In high school Jason took to wearing the WWJD bracelets. When someone would comment on his holiness he would correct them and point out that WWJD actually stood for What Would Jason Do. And yes I actually did still marry him.

I'd like to recommend you pitching your brilliant ad slogans to the higher ups at the Jehovah's Witness world headquarters in your backyard. I'd bet they would pay a pretty penny for "The meek shall inherit the remaining Chocolate Eclairs. You know, the good ones with the chocolate bar in the middle."

5/30/06, 8:52 AM  
Blogger zeldafitz said...

I know! I kinda want my ice cream truck dude to be anonymous. My ice cream truck dude sports a big politcal placard on his truck. FORTUNATELY I happen to support the same candidate, but I think there should be a cealr separation between church, state and ice cream. That seems basic.

5/30/06, 9:02 AM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

Great post! I actually laughed out loud.

I was raised the same way. But now I live in the South, and it's a kind of pre-requisite for admittance to the Southern Belle club to be publicly pious. Fortunately, I have no interest in being a Southern Belle. Neither mint julep nor fanaticisim hold any appeal for me.

I'm not a big belief monger. But I did get a flyinig spaghetti monster for my van to combat all the fishes.

5/30/06, 9:17 AM  
Blogger macboudica said...

Behold! A new marketing trend!

Suffer the Children
To come unto my ice cream truck

5/30/06, 9:29 AM  
Anonymous chelle said...

I was taught the same thing about religion being private so I am with you all the way!!

5/30/06, 9:48 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I've never understood why Christians (I was raised Southern Baptist and left a long time ago) think it's okay to force religion on strangers but Jew/Hindu/Muslim would not be welcome to share his beliefs. (Pssst! *whispers* It's because Christians think they're right and people who are right can do what they want.)

Some of the grossest expressions of "faith" come from the Christians. I drove by my grandmother's house last year, which was sold after her death, and there's a giant 10-foot metal cross (thick as railroad ties) in the front yard. Can you see a Jew doing something like that to their yard with a Star of David? Hell, no! Faith is supposed to come from within yourself. It is not a blackjack with which you are free to beat folks. Good post.

5/30/06, 10:04 AM  
Anonymous Daniel Haszard said...

Good for you mate,your better than the intrusive Jehovah's Witnesses who trespass on private property,your on the public right of way.Cheers,Danny Haszard

5/30/06, 10:07 AM  
Blogger J said...

Love it. WWJE. :) I think he would eat this: http://www.popsicle.com/products/individual/index.cfm?upc=02082

Formerly known as a missle, and then they changed the name and I couldn't find one for DECADES. Finally figured it out, and now I'm happy.

We don't get ice cream men in our condo complex. Sigh. I once had a job where every Thursday during the summer, the ice cream man came and gave us free ice cream. That rocked.

5/30/06, 10:11 AM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

Oh my dog. ... you are so funny. I must say, as someone who's most important person in their life (other than child) is an evangelical babysitter, I can honestly say it was weird the first time I head that people actually pray for things like better jobs and new cars ... always seemed a little self indulgent to me. But, If I'd known that eating nutty buddies for the lord was permissable ... I'd be choking 'em down by the dozens!

5/30/06, 10:16 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

I don't like religion mixed with my ice cream either. It tastes funky.

5/30/06, 11:05 AM  
Blogger Blog-o-licious said...

Those are AWESOME! I think religion shouldn't be seen or heard!

5/30/06, 11:15 AM  
Blogger Fidget said...

there is a car around here i see all the time and EVERYTIME i see it i contemplate ramming it repeatly
it says

"Catholics don't kill babies"


i think next time i see it parked at Publix i'm going to run into the dollar store and buy a "honk if you're horny" bumper sticker and plaster it right over that religious garbage

5/30/06, 11:19 AM  
Anonymous Amy (binkytown) said...

It was unusually hot where I live this weekend and just the existance of those blasted trucks were making me crazy yesterday- if I had seen a sign about Jesus, I may just have gone over the edge..

5/30/06, 11:19 AM  
Blogger Stephanie A. said...

Wow, nothing goes better with ice cream than Jesus, eh? I mean, seriously, as if I don't ever have enough guilt when I'm shoveling in my dairy!

5/30/06, 11:25 AM  
Blogger Gurukarm Kaur said...

Good laughs today, girl!

Oh, and it's not that they knew and didn't care ("There was a New England donut shop chain way back when that printed proverbs on the coffee cups. I always wondered whether they stopped to contemplate how many of their non-Christian customers they alienated, or whether they did but just didn't care."); they knew and were hoping for instant conversion! thus saving their own souls by garnering more recalcitrants for God... :-)

5/30/06, 11:30 AM  
Blogger Rock the Cradle said...

Thanks for the belly laugh!

Next step is using denominations for different treats/flavors.

Pope-sicle. Redemption on a stick.
(or would it be redemption with a stick)?

May have a fun lazy afternoon jaw here with this one...
Cheers!

5/30/06, 11:44 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I unknowingly bought some "Christian pretzels" at our grocery store one week. Not sure what Jesus has to do with crunchy, salty snacks either. The "repent and ye shall be saved" billboards are everywhere around here, but didn't expect the pretzels to proselytizing as well.

5/30/06, 12:44 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

You, my friend, are in the right business. These should garner awards, me thinks.

5/30/06, 12:49 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Jenny, too funny! Keep 'em coming, folks. These are great.

5/30/06, 12:57 PM  
Blogger Arwen said...

You might have missed the part of beautitudes where it says 'prostlytizing on the side of your ice cream truck is next to godliness, for they will inherit the mint chocolate chip'.

5/30/06, 1:06 PM  
Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

Bwahahahahahah!

I love it!

And Motherhood Uncensored and MacBoudica both made me laugh out loud.

-Blue (what favours fish with feet)

5/30/06, 1:51 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I nearly peed mysel with this one - "The meek shall inherit the remaining Chocolate Eclairs. You know, the good ones with the chocolate bar in the middle."

I have never been a fan of bumber stickers, but I love yours. I think religion has no place on a freaking ice cream truck. I saw one the other day, "Jesus is coming, look busy." How about change it to, "Jesus is coming, hand over all blow-pops."

5/30/06, 2:42 PM  
Blogger soleclaw said...

Andrea, there are blog awards! They're called the bloggies or something like that.

I'm not laughing...I'm sighing while thinking back to my days living in a town when your car was targeted if it didn't have a Jesus fish on the back.

5/30/06, 3:07 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick... Is there nothing sacred anymore? Its bad enough that my grandmother tries to guilt me into rejoining the church. But now the ice cream man?! When will the madness end?

Does he make you say 10 Our Fathers and 5 Hail Mary's for extra sprinkles?

5/30/06, 3:29 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

HAHAHAH I love it!

5/30/06, 4:17 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

Ha ha. I like your stickers!

Personally, I'm no fan of bumper stickers. Especially the political ones, which are guaranteed to piss off half the population. Like we need another excuse for road rage!!

I'm going to tell my neighbor that she needs to show her love by buying my family chipwiches!

5/30/06, 4:25 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

THis was great. I feel the same way about religion that you do. I went to this mom conference back in March, then posted mean things about it because although my friend said it wasn't going to be religious,it was like being forced listening to the "All Jesus All the time" channel." Someone left a bitchy comment because I said I thought religion was a private thing and all of the "testifying crap" cheapened it.

So thanks!

5/30/06, 4:26 PM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

"Jesus Says Relax"
pure effing genius. seriously.

How about
"Sacrament, I can't Believe it's Not Jesus..."

5/30/06, 5:05 PM  
Blogger Mama Kelly said...

"ask and ye shall receive extra sprinkles"

ROFLMAO

hee hee hee hee

5/30/06, 5:13 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

Oh, this was great!!!! Jesus Christ on a Popsicle Stick, indeed! :) Around here some companies have started advertising themselves as "Christian businesses." Their motives kind of creep me out. You know, I wouldn't be at all surprised if someone didn't come out with press-on stigmata, or crown-of-thorns visor caps you could buy at the Bible Theme Park. When will it end?!?!?! Oh wait. I know some people who seem to have the end of days all figured out. I guess I'll have to check with them.

One of our friends actually has the "Jesus is coming, look busy!" bumper sticker on his truck. And J has a Flying Spaghetti Monster t-shirt ("Touched by his noodly appendage.")

5/30/06, 5:14 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Ask and you shall receive extra sprinkles.

And hot fudge sauce. ;)

5/30/06, 8:21 PM  
Blogger Lauri said...

Mmmm..Choco Taco's. Thank goodness for the gas station on the walk home from the bars in college..and thank goodness I haven't found them around since.

5/30/06, 8:54 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Too funny. "Jesus says RELAX (and have a FrozFruit)" -- hahahahahahaha!!! But now I'm craving a choco taco, thanks a lot. ;-)

5/30/06, 9:35 PM  
Anonymous neva said...

What would Jesus eat? God only knows.

chocolate covered christian comedy, and i lovelovelove it! once again, fabulous frosty funnery, courtesy of the "Good Humor Mom"! (apparently, i've landed in alliterate/bad wordplay hell...don't be scared. i promise i'll go away, now.) : D

5/30/06, 10:33 PM  
Blogger Stefanie said...

Goddamn you get a lot of comments. Wow, that comment really seemed wrong for your blog today. I'm sorry. How about "Push Up - your love for Jesus pops" I don't know. You are the blogger I strive to be. just so you know. And that is not the 5 glasses of wine talking. It's the three.

5/30/06, 11:12 PM  
Blogger EvaRob said...

This is so funny. How about Jesus and Fruit Pops are my homeboys?

5/31/06, 12:26 AM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

I've been thinking about choco tacos all day. Thank you!

5/31/06, 12:32 AM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

The chocolate/banana bomb pops...oh Jayyyzuz, they're good!

5/31/06, 12:38 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

"Sacrament, I can't Believe it's Not Jesus..." BWAHAHAHA! Good one, Joy! All these comments are hilarious. "Jesus is coming, break out the Fudge Bars".

5/31/06, 12:50 AM  
Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

I see a T-shirt line in the making. I want Jesus Is King Kone on mine.

5/31/06, 12:51 AM  
Blogger Mega Mom said...

I can't pick a favorite. Once again, you've proven that you are indeed in the right career :)

5/31/06, 7:30 AM  
Blogger Blog-o-licious said...

And the meek shall inherit the popsicle.

5/31/06, 9:23 AM  
Blogger movin'mom said...

I'd have to go for

Honor thy Dreamsicle & Bullet Pop

5/31/06, 10:02 AM  
Blogger kidslovecandy said...

Gosh! I almost committed a big gaff. I was about to dispute your claim that you might "offend the vast majority of the world."
I was sure Christianity couldn't be the most common religion. Thankfully I stopped what I was doing and asked WWBD (what would Buddha do). Buddha would check his "facts" of course.
And sure enough you are right! Christianity is the most common (the majority) religion in the world. I must have confused "most common" with "most popular" in my head.
Good luck with this post!

5/31/06, 12:29 PM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

Damn! All the good one-liners are taken!

5/31/06, 2:07 PM  
Blogger Feral Mom said...

WWJDFAKB?
(What would Jesus Do for a Klondike Bar?)

5/31/06, 4:07 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Metrodad: but feral mom just got one! You've gotta be quick around here.

5/31/06, 4:44 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

I once worked for a small, local retail company that was run by a family of Evangelical Christians. They sold silver jewelry.

Every company memo had bible quotes at the top and bottom. (The bible quotes were, incidentally, generally the only parts of the memos that featured correct spelling and punctuation).

Before big holiday shopping weekends, they would hold prayer sessions at their house to ask God what would sell best that week so that they would know what to put on display.

Yes, I'm serious.

Now, personally, I was always of the opinion that God had better things to do than watch over silver jewelry kiosks at the mall, but then again, God never talked to me like he apparently did to them, so I wouldn't know . . .

5/31/06, 5:35 PM  
Anonymous Christina, aka Kitty said...

This was a hysterical post that has stuck with me these past two days. I thought it was interesting that I'd see this when on the highway today: as I approached an 18 wheeler from behind, my eye caught "It's not a choice, it's a child" painted on the back of the door. This surprised me since you don't usually see (or I haven't noticed) such bold pro or anti-anything on the back of commercial freight vehicles. When I pulled up alongside the truck, I saw its name "Covenant Transport". A Christian trucking company! I wonder if they screen the products they are transporting?

5/31/06, 9:41 PM  
Anonymous madge said...

The Good Humor man from my neighborhood growing up (his truck was parked on 90th and 5th) turned out to be a child molester.

Yeah, he stayed away from the call-attention-to-yourself bumper stickers, not surprisingly.

6/1/06, 1:50 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

Delish. I'd like two Jesus is King Kones, please.

With extry sprinkles (you did mention something about asking).

p.s. can it be *possible* that the word verification says what it does? doth mine eyes deceive?

"sy of dung"

wow. (unless that's left over from the GWB meme, and he was trying to say "so often" to me, medium-stylee. which unnerves me a tad, to think that thou possesseth the power to channel that sideshow -- truly, thou art greatly gifted, indeed.)

6/1/06, 8:03 PM  
Anonymous misy said...

I have to say, you are all NUTS.

10/6/06, 10:46 PM  
Blogger Truly Golden said...

This Preacher's Kid is laughing her ass off. I am not even gonna try to add a one-liner. Love you blog Mom101.

4/13/07, 11:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the ice cream man's willingness to express himself; there's something delightfully non-PC about it.

5/21/07, 2:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't understand why there is so much mocking. what do you guys think of the message that is being put accross? this seems to be the more important thing. if what these people believe to be true-that Jesus died an rose again so that we could have a relationship with God- is true, then it seems that putting up a sign saying 'Jesus is Lord' is the least that u could do. if u have been saved and welcomed into eternity then should u not shout it for everyone to hear? does anyone believe Jesus is Lord? People express what they are passionate about, the most important thing in a christians life is Jesus so they are going to let that be known.

6/25/07, 3:32 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

ANON 6/25: No, I do not think "u should shout it for everyone to hear." I think your faith is a private thing between you and your God, and that proselytizing via an ice cream truck, of all things, which targets children--many of whom may not be Christians--is not appropriate.

Go to church and shout it from the pews. That's what it's there for.

6/25/07, 3:58 PM  
Anonymous b said...

Being Catholic I like St. Francis' quote, "Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words." Or as my husband says, "Putting a fish on your car does not give you an excuse to drive like an asshole."

7/19/07, 9:58 AM  
OpenID 1crazymomma said...

Oh, I totally love YOUR bumper stickers! You should go into business so I can decorate the back of my car.

7/5/08, 11:53 PM  

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