I'm going to hell.

Although wait, Jews don't have hell.

So I'm going to wherever would be really really bad according to Jews. Like Iran. Or community college.

I thought Nate took care of arranging catsitting. He thought I took care of arranging catsitting. You can see where this is going, right?

Five days after leaving town, we managed to track down a neighbor to whom we are now very much indebted. Because substantial though Desdemona may be, I don't know that she could survive off her own fat stores indefinitely.

The neighbor fed the cat. He watered the cat. He has not called about the cat. I will take this as one of those no news/good news situations.

I'm so sorry Desi. Even though you suck in a million ways, this is not some sort of subconscious means of offing you and replacing you with a kinder, gentler feline. I swear.


Blogger carrie said...

It's been my experience that a cat wouldn't even notice . . . loving and stupid as they can be. So, you aren't going anywhere!

And for the neighbor, might I suggest a plate of cookies? Or maybe catnip?

I am really enjoying your blog :0)

5/21/06, 2:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You must get very little sleep to be posting at this ungodly hour. Why am I reading said post at an even ungodlier hour. I'm at work.

Good neighbors are hard to find, so are good cats apparently.

5/21/06, 5:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood in Queens with friends and the menorah in our window..etc. but thought hell was when the bagel store was closed.

5/21/06, 5:48 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

How many cans of cat whup-ass are going to be unleashed on your ass for that one?

Or will you just be shunned for weeks?

5/21/06, 6:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One time way back I told my brother I'd check up on their cat while they were on vacation. They left on Saturday and uh.... I remembered I was supposed to check on the cat on... Friday. You can only imagine the panic in my body as I drove to his place. Bad enough to kill your own cat, but to off someone else's? That's really bad. Thankfully (or maybe not considering they have a child now and b/c of that, wish the cat would go away permanently) the cat was still alive. A little freaked out and certainly not a fan of Aunt Kristin, but still alive.

5/21/06, 8:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG - I didn't even get to the "serious" stuff about the cat because I couldn't get past Community College being hell for Jews. And I can say that. LMAO on Sunday morning. Is that a sin somehow that I'll have to fast for? Glad the kitty is fine - but I bet you'll be ignored when you get home!

5/21/06, 8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the thing about cats is that they'll survive shit in spite of you! i know this, because ours is now an 18 year old curmudgeon, and still goin' strong! 9 lives? hah! i'm guessin' some have more like 11 or 12!

so don't worry. you're not going to hell. you may not get to pass go and/or collect $200, but you're most assuredly not going to hell... : D

5/21/06, 8:47 AM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

I know this prolly makes me a bad person, but you could load up your cat with food enough for a week, get a water dispenser and fill that up, and voila! Cat sitter.

Dogs, on the other hand, (like our two mutts) would eat all the food in 15 seconds and die of a ruptured stomach. It would not be cool to come back to a mess like that after a week away.

5/21/06, 10:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear, here in the Hinterland, all cats live outside. Better to keep the estate rodent free, don't you know. Plus, they can poop in the yard.


5/21/06, 11:37 AM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

OK, so now your cat will ignore you for the next week....don't take it personally.

5/21/06, 12:36 PM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

LOL! Been there, several times, and my feline is still alive and scratching every chance she gets. Although, I probably shouldn't admit to that, it may be a poor reflection on my pet parenting skills!

5/21/06, 12:43 PM  
Blogger Pollyanna said...

I am sure the cat will just ignore you and act all stuck upity. But, don't cats do that anyway? The neighbor on the other hand, don't know about that one. :)

5/21/06, 12:54 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

"this is not some sort of subconscious means of offing you and replacing you with a kinder, gentler feline. I swear."

You're not fooling anyone, Liz, least of all, me. But you can keep frontin' if you want.

5/21/06, 1:28 PM  
Blogger zinalasvegas said...


Starring Macauley Catkin.

(sorry! coudldn't resist)

5/21/06, 1:57 PM  
Blogger zinalasvegas said...

Or McCaterwaul Catkin....

5/21/06, 1:58 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

whoops! I'm sure Desi knew you didn't mean it. Hopefully, she was outdoors and didn't have the opportunity to leave you any poopy "presents" on your floor rugs...that's something our cat would do anyway.

5/21/06, 2:43 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Community college...HAHAHAHAHA. My dad thinks that even uttering those words are bad. Too freaking funny. Your poor cat. Although most cats are pretty self-sufficiant. Right?

5/21/06, 2:47 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Ya. You stick to that story. Sure you didn't want to off the cat.

Thank god for good neighbours :)

5/21/06, 3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, are you sure this wasn't Nate's way of offing the cat? ("Yeah, sure honey, I got the sitter all lined up. . .") John would do that in a second which is why I have to do all the arranging when we go away.

Poor Des but I somehow think she is stubborn enough to drink her own urine if she got thirsty enough. As far as acting angry at you when you return----how could you tell? : )

5/21/06, 4:27 PM  
Blogger BabyonBored said...

I kind of started at the end of the post - so Desi's your baby right? Yeah, I don't think your baby would do so well for 5 days alone. It's a good thing your neighbor could drop by! Kudos!

5/21/06, 5:22 PM  
Blogger Happy Chicken said...

I must admit, the community college comment almost made me have a spit take. God, Jews at community college? Can't they just go to William Patterson? Or Ryder? Or am I thinking of the Guidos? I guess there is always Kingsborough ...

5/21/06, 6:28 PM  
Blogger Her Grace said...

Ooohh. I can relate. I just tried to give my evil black cat AWAY. He spent a week in my cousin's care and though they treated him like a king he went on a hunger strike and was returned to us.

No more cats. That's my mantra. No more cats.

5/21/06, 7:38 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

You do know my cat divorced us when Emily was age three? After he sufferred Feline Irritable bowel syndrome and countless hunks of hair being ripped from his flesh.

Perhaps yours will be compelled to do the same?

5/21/06, 9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We left our Satan-as-Kitty pet-animal in our apartment when we left on our honeymoon, and she shred our brand new four hundred dollar couch to shreds.

And, fourteen years later, she still lives! Even though she's mostly an outdoor cat now, we're afraid to leave her alone - she might just kill the mailman.

5/22/06, 3:13 AM  
Blogger ninjapoodles said...

"Like Iran. Or community college."

STOP it. Insomniacs are not allowed to SNORT loudly while the norms are sleeping.

5/22/06, 5:35 AM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

Every time we go on vacation I worry that I left the wrong key, didn't leave a key at all, locked the dead bolt by mistake...etc., and the pet sitter will not be able to get in. I don't know why, but it's my standard leaving on vacation anxiety issue. So far, so good, but I suspect that one of these days.....we have three cats, (not intentionally) so if it comes down to it, I think they would cannibalize the little one. Cats are survivors.

5/22/06, 7:13 AM  
Blogger macboudica said...

We have three cats that do all sorts of evil things to the house when we leave. One eats wires, the other plastic. All of them puke. A lot. My dad, who cursed me with these demons, watches them and hangs out with them while we are gone.

5/23/06, 8:44 AM  
Blogger tracey clark said...

Has the cat been nicer since you've been back??? SOmetimes a scare like that'll bring a little "grateful" out.
That or the old, "I hate you" routine.

5/23/06, 12:02 PM  
Blogger What's so funny? said...

I always thought growing up that because hell didn't exist for us we could do anything we wanted! I joke with my friends that whoever goes first must send a sign back to the tribe so we know what to expect...and if we should start behaving before it's too late.

5/23/06, 12:14 PM  
Blogger OhTheJoys said...

Iran or community college! Ha! LOL!

5/24/06, 9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH! Thanks for reminding me, I have to get a catsitter to feed/water our 2 cats when we go away in 2 weeks...

5/24/06, 4:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never met anyone else before who also said "watered" the cat, outside my own family!

5/25/07, 4:22 AM  

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